HDFS Exam 3 Study Guide

Secure Style

Happily bond with others and rely on them comfortably, readily develop relationships characterized by relaxed trust

Anxiety Dimension

Being uncertain of when a caregiver would return, such children become nervous, clingy, and needy in their relationship

Avoidance Dimension

Suspicious of others, and did not easily form trusting, close relationships

Intimacy

Knowledge, Interdependence, Caring, Trust, Responsiveness, Mutuality, Commitment

Knowledge

Intimate partners have extensive personal, often confidential, information about each other

Interdependence

Intimate partners have a strong, diverse, and enduring influence about each other

Caring

Intimate partners feel more affection for one another than they do most others

Trust

Intimate partners expect treatment from one another that is fair

Responsiveness

Intimate partners are more attentive to each others needs and they support each other more effectively than they do most people

Mutuality

Intimate partners think of themselves as a couple instead of as two entirely separate individuals; us rather than me

Commitment

Expecting too continue a relationship indefinitely and invest time, effort, and resources to sustain the relationship

Nonverbal Communication

Sensitivity to nonverbal communications determines relationship. Women are better at understanding

Gottman’s Four Horseman

Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling

Criticism

Involves degration

Contempt

Degrades communication by adding insults, sarcasm, and name-calling, aggressively rejecting

Defensiveness

Constructing a defense instead of discussing and resolving an issue

Stonewalling

Partner decides not to respond

Misscommunication

Kitchen-sinking, Cross-complaining, Mindreading, Interrupt, Yes-butting

Kitchen-sinking

Confuses issues by addressing several topics at once

Cross-complaining

Responding to a partners complaint with one of their own

Mindreading

Wrongly assume that they understand their partner

Interrupt

Not letting partner finish (not always negative)

Yes-butting

Find fault with anything partner says and contradicting them

Effective Communication and Active Listening

Behavior Descriptions, I-Statments, XYZ statements, Paraphrasing, Perception checking, Validation

Behavior Descriptions

Involves a particular, discrete event, not generalities

I-Statments

“I am concerned that we will not be able to pay the bills”

XYZ Statements

When you do X (behavior), in situation Y, I feel Z

Paraphrasing

Repeating in your own words what you think the speaker said, allowing them to correct any misinformation

Perception Checking

Assess the accuracy of your interpretations

Validation

Acknowledge the legitimacy of your partners’ feelings and opinions, conveys respect, Does not mean you are agreeing

Interdependence Theory

Relationship happiness and stability depends on outcomes, comparison levels, and comparison level for alternatives

Outcome

Rewards minus the costs associated with a particular interaction. According to social exchange, we want the best possible outcomes

Comparison Level

What we expect from our relationship. Changes as relationship progresses. If individual is not receiving high enough rewards, they will be dissatisfied

Comparison Level for Alternatives

How well we think we can do with other partners, or by self

Investments

The things we would lose if a relationship ends, makes harder to leave a relationship

Dependence

We believe we are optimizing outcomes already

Gotten and Levenson (5 to 1 Ratio)

To stay satisfied wot a close relationship, need rewards to cost ration to be at least 5 to 1

Commitment

A desire to continue the relationship and a willingness to do the work to maintain it

Investment Model

Satisfaction, Quality to Alternatives, Investment

Satisfaction

When satisfied with out relationships, we pay less attention to alternatives, relationship is profitable

Quality of Alternatives

If alternatives seem more beneficial, we leave the relationship

Johnson Model

Personal Commitment, Moral Commitment, and Constraint Commitment

Personal Commitment

Want to continue a relationship

Moral Commitment

A sense of moral obligation to ones partner

Constraint Commitment

Have to continue a relationship because it is too costly to leave, includes social and financial concerns

Triangular Theory of Love

Passion, Commitment, Intimacy

Passion

Physical arousal, desire, attraction, excitement

Intimacy

Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing

Romantic, Passionate Love

Sexual attraction is the defining feature of this type of love

Companionate Love

Combination of intimacy and commitment, a more settled form of love. Most long-term couples who are happy report this type of love. They say they value their friendship with spouse, involves a deep liking.

Compassionate Love

Combines trust and intimacy with compassion and caring. Empathic and generous. Love regardless of limitations. Take pleasure in providing support.

Dialectics

Autonomy vs. Connection, Openness vs. Connectedness, Stability vs. Change, Integration vs. Separation

Autonomy vs. Connection

Want for own space while also needing to be connected to others

Openness vs. Connectedness

Balacining keeping some information private while self-disclosing to permit intimacy

Stability vs. Change

A mixture of security while still having new and fun experiences

Integration vs. Seperation

Balance between being a single unit with your partner and maintaining your own lives

Conflict Outcomes

Seperation, Domination, Compromise, Integrative Agreements, Structural Improvement

Seperation

One or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict

Domination

One partner gets their way and the other retreats

Compromise

When both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be reached

Integrative Agreements

Satisfy both partners original goals and aspirations, usually through inventiveness, creativity, and flexibility

Structural Improvement

The partners not only get what they want, they make desirable changes to their relationship

Betrayals

Partner does something that hurts. Could very minor or quite severe like infidelity of violence

Relationship Devaluation

When you begin to see your partner as less high, and put less value on the relationship

Deception

Intentional behavior that creates an untrue impression, conceal information, divert attention, half truths

Conceal Information

Leave out important details to change story

Divert Attention

Shift focus of the story from important details, change topics

Half Truths

Mix truth and lies to mislead

Lying

Individuals fabricate statements or make statements which contradict the truth

Benevolent lies

Common in close relationships, more likely when the truth can be hurtful

Truth Bias

Tend to assume loved ones are telling the truth, intimate partners actually have easier time lying to us

Deceiver’s distrust

Coming to perceive the recipients of their lies as less honest and trustworthy than they are

Revenge

Tend to be unsatisfactory, some seek more revenge, doing something to get back

Forgiveness

Means giving up the right to retaliate. Apologies help repair relationship. Can maintain but can be bad if done too often

Jealousy

Negative emotion that results from the potential loss of a relationship of an imagined rival

Reactive Jealousy

When someone becomes aware of an actual threat

Suspicious Jealousy

When someones thinks there is a threat, but has no proof

Forced Choice Paradigm Findings

Men fear sexual infidelity more and women fear emotional infedelity. This is because of uncertain paternity, and loss of resources

Likert-Scale (1-7)

Both men and women report same levels of distress due to jealousy, cannot separate emotional and sexual infidelity in mind

Responses to Jealousy

Little jealousy can convert commitment, can be unhealthy in an abusive relationship, to cope women will try to invoke jealousy, typically drives partner away

Infidelity

Secrecy and violating relationship norms. 1 in 5 wives, 1 in 3 husbands, most common in dating

Consensual Non-Monagamy

Relationship rules and norms which may permit emotional and/or sexual activities outside a dyad. About 5% of US couples have extra dyadic activities permitted (20% have participated)

Types of Consensual Non-Monogamy

Numerous ways individuals can negotiate the exclusivity norms of their relationships. Important to explicitly discuss and set rules and expectations. Polyamory, Outside activities permitted, Swinging, and Threesomes

Polyamory

May be triads or group relationships, emotionally and sexually involved, may permit additional outside activities

Outside Sexual Activities Permitted

Open relationship, could be emotional and sexual, lots of different rules can be negotiated

Swinging

One time, purely sexual

Power

Ability to influence the behavior of others and to resist their influence on us

Sources of Power from an Interdependence Perspective

Control of valuable resources, Control of access to valuable resources, Partner’s value of a particular resource

Principle of Lesser Interest

Person who is less interested in continuing the relationship holds power: if one partner is more commiteted, more in love, the other holds power over them

Fate Control

One person controls the other’s outcomes. Only one option is possible, partner refuses to do X, determines the others fate

Behavior Control

More subtle encouragement to behave in a certain direction. Change your behavior to encourage partner to behave in a certain way

Men, Women, and Control of Resources

Most heterosexual couples still have a great deal of inequity despite seeking to share power equally. Hard to go against social norms of men having more power

Direct vs. Indirect Styles of Power

More satisfied, more likely to use direct strategy, are direct when telling what they want

Unilateral vs. Bilateral Styles of Power

Those able to influence partner do that, those with less power tend to use unilateral strategy

Outcomes of Power

Men and Women are happy when they share equal amounts of power in a relationship

Situational Couple Violence

Irrupts from specific angry arguments that get out of hand, but is not typical of the relationship

Violent Resistance

Occurs when a partner foible fights back against intimate terrorism. Why mutual violence is observed

Intimate Terrorism

A pervasive patter of sexual, physical, emotional, and psychological abuse which defines the relationship. In the majority of cases, men are the perpetrator and women are the victim

Gender Differences in Intimate Violence

Men and women engage in SCV equally, men have more power, most IT are men (8/9)

Predictors of Violence

Family history, low feeling of adequacy, low self esteem, men use violence as a tool of domination, men feel superior to women believe it is their right, sone of violent parents are 20 time likely, some are just malevolent and sadistic