HDFS exam 2 study guide

Interpersonal Gap

When what someone tried to say differs from the message received

Nonverbal Communication

Communication other than the words we say. Includes kinesics, paralanguage/vocalics, physical appearance, haptics, proxemics, chronemics, smell, and artifacts

Kinesics

Visual bodily movements, including gestures, facial expressions, arm and leg placement, posture, gaze, and gait

Paralanguage/Vocalics

Vocal cues like pitch, loudness, tempo, pauses, inflection, and speed of speaking

Physical Appearance

Clothes, hairstyle, cosmetics, and weight

Haptics

Use of touch, conveys closeness and affection

Proxemics

Use of interpersonal distance and spacing. We use different zones of personal space for different kinds of interactions

Chronemics

Time as a message including punctuality, waiting time, and amount of time with someone

Smell

Smells carry information about mood and state of mind

Artifacts

Objects and environmental features

Nonverbals functions

Providing information, regulating interaction, and defining the nature of the relationship

Providing Information

A person’s moods and meaning are usually evident in his or her nonverbal behavior

Regulating Interaction

Subtle nonverbal cues allow people to take turn in a conversation smoothly

Defining the nature of the relationship

Nonverbal actions express intimacy and carry signals of power and status

Miscommunication

Kitchen-sinking, cross-complaining, mind reading, off beaming, interrupting, yes-butting

Kitchen-sinking

Confuses issues by addressing several topics at once

Cross-complaing

Responding to a partner’s complaint with one of their own

Mindreading

Wrongly assume that they understand their partners

Offbeaming

Wandering from topic to topic

Interrupting

Not letting your partner finish, not always negative

Yes-butting

Find fault with anything their partner says and contradicting them

Gottman’s four horsemen

Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling

Criticism

Involves degration

Contempt

Degrades communication by adding insults, sarcasm, name-calling, and aggressively rejecting

Defensiveness

Construction defense, instead of discussing an issue and acknowledging the other’s feelings and concerns

Stonewalling

Partner decides not to respond

Effective communication and active listening

Behavior description, I-statements, XYZ statements, paraphrasing, perception checking, validation, leveling, documenting, and editing

Behavior description

Involves a particular, discrete event, not generalities

I-statements

“I am concerned that we will not be able to pay the bills”

XYZ statements

when you do X in situation Y, I feel Z

Paraphrasing

repeating in your own words what you think your partner said

Perception checking

assess the accuracy of you interpretations

Validations

acknowledge the legitimacy of your partners’ feelings and opinions, conveys respects. Does not mean you are necessarily agreeing

Leveling

Telling your partner what you are feeling by stating your thoughts clearly, simply, and honestly

Documenting

Provide specific examples

Editing

Censor yourself to be thoughtful of words you use, not being deliberatively hurtful

Interdependence

Having a sense of relationship. Allows you yo weigh costs/rewards in a relationship enhancing manner. These rewards and costs are weighed differently based on relationship quality.

Outcome

rewards minus the costs associated with a particular interaction. According to social exchange, we want the best possible outcomes

Rewards

desirable/welcomed, brings happiness

Costs

punishing, undesirable experiences

Comparison level

What we expect and feel we deserve in our dealing with others

Comparison level for alternatives

Describes the outcomes we think we can get elsewhere

Investments

Things we would lose if the relationship ends

Approach Motivation

seeking our rewards

Avoidance Motivation

Avoiding costs

Relational turbulence model

we expect a certain level of discord and adjustment as relationships form

Exchange relationships

People of favors because they expect similar benefits in the future

Communal relationships

Feel special concern for others, do not expect immediate repayment

Equity theory

Extends social equity theory, argues p=individuals are most satisfied in relationships where there is proportional justice

Overbenefited

Partner that receives better outcomes than they deserve

Underbenefited

Partner that receives less than they should

Commitment

A desire to continue the relationship and a willingness to do the work to maintain it

Arriaga and Agnew Commitment

Three themes, expect relationship to continue, hold long-term view, psychologically attached to partner

Rustult’s Investment Model

Satisfaction and investments positively associated with commitment and quality of alternatives is negatively associated with commitment

Satisfaction

Happiness with the relationship

Quality of alternatives

is it better in or out of the relationship

Johnson Model

Personal commitment, moral commitment, constraint commitment

Personal Commitment

Want to continue a relationship

Moral Commitment

A sense of moral obligation to ones’ partners

Constraint Commitment

have to continue a relationship because it is too costly leave, includes social and financial concerns

Interpersonal Conflict

When one’s motives, goals, beliefs, opinions, or behavior interfere with, or are incompatible, with a partner

Autonomy vs. connection

want for own space while also needing to be connected to others

Openness vs. connectedness

balancing keeping some information private while self-disclosing to permit intimacy

Stability vs. change

A mixture of security while still having new and fun experiences

Integration vs. separation

balance between being a single unit with your partner and maintaining you own lives

Personality

People high in neuroticism have more conflicts, people high in agreeableness have fewer conflicts and are better able to navigate social situations

Stage of life

Young adults may experience more conflict in relationships because going through major life changes

Attachment style

Secure people encounter fewer conflicts and manage them better when they do occur than insecure people do. Highly anxious people perceive more conflict and are hurt to a greater degree

Instigating events

Criticisms, illegitimate demands, rebuffs, cumulative annoyances

Criticisms

Behavior that seems unjustly critical, being perceived as demeaning or derogatory, communicates unfair dissatisfaction

Illegitimate demands

Requests that are excessive and that seem unjust

Rebuffs

When ones appeals for help or support are rejected

Cumulative annoyances

relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition

Attributional conflict

Partners arguing over whose explanation is right whose is wrong

Negative affect reciprocity

partners trade hits, escalating the conflict

Demand/withdraw pattern

Toxic pattern of behavior in which one partner (typically woman) raises complaint and the partner withdraws (typically male)

Negotiation

When partners work together to find a solution in a sensible manner, using problem solving communication

Accommodation

Four responses based on dimensions of active vs passive, constructive vs destructive, ability to remain constructive. (exit, voice, loyalty, neglect)

Exit

Active but destructive responses such as leaving the partner

Voice

active and relationship constructive response, raise concerns using effective and responsive communication strategies

Loyalty

Passively waiting and hoping things get better

Neglect

passively allowing things to get worse

Volatiles

Have frequent and passionate arguments, but they temper their fights with plenty of wit and evident fondness for each other

Validators

Fight more politely and calmly, behaving more like collaborators than antagonists

Avoiders

Rarely argue, try to fix problems independently. Can be satisfying pattern since sticks to 5:1 ratio

Hostiles

fight with criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and withdrawal and their relationships are more fragile than those of the other three groups

Conflict outcomes

Seperation, domination, compromise, integrative agreements, and structural improvement

Seperation

When one of both partners withdraw without resolving a conflict

Domination

one partner gets their way and the other retreats

Compromise

When both parties reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be met

Integrative agreements

satisfy both partners’ original goals and aspirations usually through inventiveness, creativity, and flexibility

Structural improvement

occurs when the partners not only get what they want, but they make desirable changes to their relationship

Relationship Maintenance mechanisms

Actions taken to sustain a relationship

Cognitive mechanisms

Thinks partners as a unit, overlap between own and partners lives (cognitive interdependence, positive illusions, perceived superiority, inattention to alternatives, and derogation of tempting alternatives)

Cognitive interdependence

Thinks partners as a unit, overlap between own and partners

Positive illusions

Idealize one another, judging each other’s faults to be relatively trivial, the relationships deficiencies to be relatively unimportant

Perceived superiority

People who are happy with their relationships think theirs is better than others, makes relationship seem more special

Inattention to alternatives

uninterested and unaware of how they would be in a different relationship, pay no attention to alternative partners

Derogation of temping alternatives

Feel your partner is better than alternatives, feel alternatives are less attractive

Behavioral Mechanisms

Willingness to sacrifice, accommodation, self-control, play, michelangelo phenomenon, savor, prayer