Chapter 7: Family Rituals and Routines

communication in rituals

rituals tell the family about their identity and informs them of who they are (ritualized holidays)

communication in routines

communicate function and are instrumental (this task needs to be completed before we go to the mall)

commitment in routines

require little commitment, are perfunctory, and take minimal thought

commitment in rituals

capture the ideal of commitment (remembering a loved one’s birthday = commitment to the relationship)

continuity in routines

can change without fanfare

continuity in rituals

rituals that change evoke a possible revolt (changing the Thanksgiving menu to lasagne instead of traditional turkey)

symbolism in rituals

have deeper, more symbolic mean than routine - sometimes referred to as family metaphors for example being given away at wedding being a rite of passage or christenings, funerals, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and bar mitzvahs

emotions in rituals

a great deal of emotions are expressed during weddings, funerals, births, bar mitzvahs, celebrations, etc. when these traditions involve important emotionality, they are ritualized

emotions in routines

when there is little emotion present, a kiss hello, a good morning text, doing chores, or helping children with homework, the activities are routines

routines are

ordinary in their behaviors

trials are

extraordinary in their behaviors

preparation differences in routine vs ritual

they differ in the preparation for the event and the follow up activities, “ritual is not just the ceremony or the actual performance, but whoever whole process of preparing for it, experiencing it and reintegration back into everyday life”

what do rituals do over time

evolve

developmental process of rituals

young couples may have rituals associated with many events and as time passes, new rituals are acquired and others fade, as children become teenagers, rituals must develop as teens often want rituals to include friends and more action packed (lively), while their parents often want more sedentary and symbolic rules, grandparenting also brings in new rituals.

morphostasis vs morphogenesis

there is morphostasis (pull for sameness) and morphogenesis (pull for change)

morphostasis and morphogenesis in routines and rituals

they all have some continuity over time, but they also evolve and change over time as individuals and family develop as the external environment of families change

the amount of ritualization recommended for families

healthy families maintain rituals that are meaningful, consistent, and supportive—but they stay flexible and avoid making rituals controlling or rigid these include consistent routines and rituals (meals, holidays, celebrations, bedtime routines, weekly check-ins) that provide predictability, identity, and connection, but the rituals do not dominate family life or become rigid, healthy families can adapt rituals when circumstances require it (e.g., changing a holiday schedule, adjusting routines due to stress or life changes), the emphasis is on connection, not strict adherence and it is important to not be under ritualized as there can be low connection and stability and less sense of belonging, but also not to be over ritualized as they can become rigid, create stress, and high pressure