Music Man Lines - Marcellus Washburn

Jacey: ...Who is late as usual.

(Marcellus Washburn, roundish, perspiring, ENTERS hurriedly from the wings. At livery stable door HE takes out his key. As he is about to open the door he looks up and sees HAROLD, rubs his eyes in disbelief)

(Marcellus Washburn, roundish, perspiring, ENTERS hurriedly from the wings. At livery stable door HE takes out his key. As he is about to open the door he looks up and sees HAROLD, rubs his eyes in disbelief)

Hey, Gregory!

Harold: Marcellus!

You old son of a gun! What in--

Harold: (Hastily pushing aside proffered hand) Sh--sh--shhh.

But Greg--

Harold: Professor Hill's the name--Harold Hill.

But Greg, what are you doing here? Whyn't you let me know you was comin'?

Harold: I didn't know I was myself. Besides how could I know you'd end up in a little tank town like this? You were pretty big slicker when you were in business with me.

Too many close shaves the way you work. Besides I got me a nice comfortable girl Ethel Toffelmier--boss's niece.

Harold: Gone legitimate, huh? I knew you'd come to no good.

What's the new pitch?

(Harold pantomimes conducting)

You're not back in the band business! I heard you was in steam automobiles.

Harold: I was.

What happened?

Harold: Somebody actually invented one.

No!

Harold: Now give me the lowdown here, Marce.

You'll never get anywhere in the band business with these stubborn Iowans, Greg. Besides we got a stuck-up music teacher here who'll expose you before you get your grip unpacked.

Harold: Male or female?

The music teacher? She's the librarian - female.

Harold: Perfect! That's what I wanted to hear. If she passes by point her out to me.

I will. How you gonna start the pitch?

Harold: Same old way. Keep that music teacher off balance- and then my next step will be to get your town out of the serious trouble it's in.

River city isn't in any trouble.

Harold: Then I'll have to create some. I have to create a desperate need for a boy's band. You remember - now what's new around here? What can I use?

Nothin' -- except the billiard's parlor just put in a new pool table.

Harold: They never had a pool table here before?

No - only billiards.

...and don't forget -- music teacher. (pantomimes piano playing)

(Pantomiming, as he exits) Music teacher.

...which may very well give me some interesting information about you. (Marian exits into the library. As Harold starts after her, Marcellus enters)

Hey, Gregory!

Harold: Oh hi, Marcellus. And don't call me Greg.

How'd you make out with the music teacher?

Harold: Scrumptious. Ate out of my hand the minute I tipped my hat.

She did! Boy, did you cut a swath tonight. For a minute I thought you knew somethin' about leadin' a band. Just like when you used to imitate that band-concert fellow back in Joplin.

Harold: ...Just you keep your eyes on me for the next four weeks.

Four weeks! It only used to take ten days for the instruments to arrive.

Harold: It still does. But it takes four weeks for the uniforms.

Oh, no, Greg! You haven't added uniforms!!???

Harold: Uniforms and instruction books.

Instruction books! But you can't pass yourself off as a music professor - I mean not for any four weeks.

Harold: (Ruefully) Marce -

But you don't know one note from another.

Harold: I have a revolutionary new method called the think system where you don't bother with notes.

But in four weeks people will want to hear the music! You'll have to lead a band.

Harold: ...And now, Mr. Washburn, if you'll excuse me-

Gonna line yourself up a little canoodlin' huh?

Harold: Well-

Say, I could fix you up with Ethel's sister - lovely girl teaches Sunday school-

Ewart, Oliver, Olin: Oh, yes, "it's you."

Please kids, Mrs. Shinn will have my head.

Eulalie: Mr. Washburn, we are entitled to five more minutes.

If you think you can hold these kids back, go ahead.

Tommy: Start her up, Mr. Washburn. Wait till you see the new steps Professor Hill taught us.

All right! What'll it be?

(...He catches himself, breaks the twig and throws it away)

(Entering in a rush) Psssst! Hey Greg! The uniforms have arrived! The kids are in 'em already. The people are going to be screaming for music if those kids show up at the Sociable.

Harold: Yeah-

(Handing Harold a roll) Here's most a' the dough. I got Tommy to collect it. He's trying to keep the kids together at least. Pretending to hold a practice over't the lumber yard.

Harold: All right, Marce, get the rig.

I got it!

Harold: What time's the freight go?

Nine-forty from the junction.

Harold: Well it's not even eight-thirty yet-

Look, you wanta turtle-wurtle around here and get yourself caught in a bunny-trap, you go ahead, but-

Harold: Marian, there's a lot you don't know about me-

(whispering loudly) Pssst! Hey Greg!

Harold: ...Now what?

Who's the salesman here? Sounds like she's selling and you're buying.

Harold: You nuts? I didn't know I'se goin' to be able to leave tonight - I had to keep her off balance, didn't I? I told you -

Well, she's so far off balance now you can't tell her from a cat-boat in a hurricane.

Harold: ...I'm not resigning without my commission.

But Greg, you can't get anywhere right out here on the footbridge-

Harold: ...Now goodnight, my someone, good night.

(Entering with Harold's suitcase in one hand, desperately holding off Charlie Cowell with the other) Greg, this guy's crazy. He's goin' all over town spillin' everything.

Charlie Cowell: ...Why, you never even knew the territory.

Here's your stuff, Greg! The rig's in the alley- Come on! Hurry up!

Marian: ...Please, hurry, please-

(Rushing to Harold) Greg- (Attracted by offstage activity, desperately calls in offstage direction) He isn't anywhere around here! Let's try down by the crick! (He exits...)