Attraction & Intimacy

need to belong

a motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions.

when our need to belong is thwarted by ostracism, te ___________ is keenly felt

social pain

when we belong, we tend to be __________ and ____________

healthier / happier

what 3 needs are balanced in our sense of well-being?

1. autonmy

2. competence

3. belonging

what powerfully predicts liking?

proximity

proximity

gegraphical nearness; functional distance

• less often breeds hostility

those who interact frequently are far more likely to become _______________  than ____________

good friends / enemies

___________ interaction boosts liking

anticipating

anticipatory interacction is adaptive, increasing the chance of forming _____________

a rewarding relationship

familiarity breeds ___________

fondness

mere exposure

the tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them

• even stronger when ppl receive stimuli without awareness

• effect violates the commonsense prediction that repeated exposure leads to boredom

• with incessant repetition, however, liking eventually drops

does research show that appearance matters?

yes

_______________ predicts dating frequency

physical attractiveness

in longer term heterosexual relationships, what predicts the husband’s marital satisfaction?

wife’s physical attractiveness

once ppl hae gtten to know each other thru jobs or friendsips, they focus on _________________

unique qualities

how do looks influence voting?

men are more likely to vote for physically attractive female candidates & wmen are more likely to vote for approachable-looking male candidates

matching phenomenon

tendency for men & women to choose as partners those who are a “good match” in attractiveness & other traits

ppl invest more in pursuing someone whose attractiveness …

roughly matches their own

physical-attractiveness stereotype

presumption that physiclaly attractive people possess other socially desirable traits as well

what most affects first impressions?

attractiveness

despite perceptions, physically attractive ppl do not differ from others in _________________

basic personality traits

attractiveness is _________

subjective

ironically, to be really attractive is to be ______________

perfectly average

from an evolutionary perspecive, beauty signals…

health, youth, fertility

what’s attractive depends on _________

social comparisons

we perceive attractive people as ____________ but perceive likeable people as ________

likeable / attractive

freinds, engaged couples, & spouses are far more likely to share common…

attitudes, beliefs, values, and traits

dissimilarity breeds ____________

dislike

complementarity

popularly suppsed tendency that in a relationship b/w 2 ppl, eachcompletes what the other is missing

• research has been unable to confirm that opposites attract

• some complementarity may evolve as a relationship progresses

liking is usually ______

mutual

those told that certain others like or admire them usually feel a ___________

reciprocal affection

we are sensitive to the slightest hint of ________

criticism

we often perceive criticism as more __________ than praise

sincere

ingratiation

the use of strategies, such as flattery, by which pp seek to gain another’s favor

reward theory of attraction

theory that we like those whose behavior is rewarding to us or whom we assosciate with rewarding events

• helps explain some influences on attraction: proximity, attractiveness, similarities, mutual liking

what influences on attraction does reward theory help explain?

• proximity

• attractiveness

• similarities

• mutual liking

love

• more comlex than liking & thus more difficult to measure

• influenced by influences of liking

3 components of love (Robert Sternberg)

1. passion

2. intimacy

3. commitment

passionate love

state of intense longing for union with another; being “in love”

2-factor theory of emotion

arousal x its label = emotion

2 components of passionate love

1. lust

2. attachment

passionate love is _____________ as well as _____________

biological / psychological

men tend to fall in love ______ readily than wmen

more

companionate love

affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined

when does companionate love occur?

after passionate love fades

flow & ebb of romantic love follows the pattern of addiction to…

caffeine/alcohol/tother drugs

what enables close relationships?

• secure attachments

• equitabiility

• intimate self-disclosure & disclosure reciprocity

out need to belong is ________

adaptive

genes and hormones together triger ___________

pair bonding

our dependence as infants strengthens our _____________ and contributes to ______________

human bonds / social responses (fear, anger, esp love)

love and attachment are a part of various close relationships but take on _____________ in passionate love

passionate

what is b/w intimacy and commitment on sternberg’s triangle?

companionate love

what is b/w intimacy and passiona on sternberg’s triangle?

romantic love

what is at the center of sternberg’s love triangle?

consummate love (intimacy + passion + commitment)

infant attachment styles seem to lay a foundation for ___________

future relationships

secure attachment

rooted in trust & marked by intimacy

avoidant attachment

marked by discomfort over/resistant to being close to others; an insecure attachment style

anxious attachment

marked by anxiety or ambivalence; an insecure attachment style

what type of love is a one night stand?

passion

what type of love is a friend?

intimacy

society teaches us to exchange rewards by the ______________

equity principle of attraction

equity

condition in which the outcome ppl receive from a relationship is proportional to what they contribute to it

• equity out

those involved in an equitable, long-term relatinoship are unconcerned with _________

short-term equity

perception of equity is important to _____________

relationship satisfaction

deep, companionate relationships enable us to be …

known as we truly are and to feel accepted

self-disclosure

revealing intimate aspects of oneself to others

disclosure reciprocity

tendency for one person’s intimacy r self-disclosure to match thatof a conversational partner

what couples tend to enjoy the most satisfying and enduring relationships?

self-revealing dating and married couples

how do relationships end?

comparing their unsatisfying relationship w the support & affection they imagine available elsewhere, many relationships end

every year, Canada and the US report ___ divorces for every ____ marriages

1 / 2

rewards

result of an interaction that are gratifying, welcome, & fulfilling

costs

consequences that are frustrating, distressing, & undesirable

outcome of an interaction =

net profit or loss

• rewards - costs

interdependence theory

suggests that we evaluate the outcomes we receive via social exchange with 2 criteria:

1. what we expect from our relatinonships

2. how well we think we can do without our partners

comparison level

describes what we expect and feel we deserve in our dealings with others

what happens when outcomes exceed our comparison levels?

we’re happy & content

what happens when our outcomes fall below our comparison levels?

we’re disgruntled and distressed

comparison level for alternatives (CLalt)

describes outcomes we think we can get elsewhere

• used to evaluate partnerships whether we’re happy or not

comparison level for alternatie are _________________we will accept from our current partners

lowest levels of outcomes

do individualistic or communal cultures have more divorce?

individualistic

indiiduals expect more __________ and __________ in a marriage, which puts greater pressure on the relatinship

passin / personal fulfillment

risk of divorce is higer for some _____________ and also depends on who marries whom

personalities

sequence produced by severing bonds

• agitated preoccupation with lsot partner

• deep sadness

• beginnings of emotional detachment

detaching is a __________ not an event

process

among married couples, breakup has ___________

additional costs

those without better opportunities or who feel invested will seek __________ to exiting the relationship

alternatives

alternatives to exiting relationship

• wait for conditions to improve

• ignore partner & allow relationship to deteriorate

• take active steps to improve relationship

healthy marriages are marked by an ability to…

reconcile differences & overbalance criticism with affection