Vanessa Van Edwards

How to establish immediate trust visually?

Use the Triple Threat: Visible Hands, Winner's Stance, and 60% Eye Contact. Imagine your hands are magnets that must stay above the table. Hidden hands signal "predator" to the primitive brain—like a snake hiding in grass.

The "Launch Stance" formula for high-power posture?

Pull shoulders down and back (away from ears), chin level, and chest open. Imagine a steel rod through your spine. This kills the "nervous turtle" look where your shoulders swallow your neck.

The 60-70% Eye Contact Rule?

Look long enough to notice their eye color. Imagine your gaze is a warm laser; if it flickers away too fast, you look shifty; if it stays too long, you look like a staring statue.

The Handshake Audit for a perfect connection?

Skin-to-skin contact in the "web" of the hand. Keep it vertical. Imagine your hand is a firm, dry sponge—squeeze until you feel resistance, then release. Never offer a "palm up" (submissive) or "palm down" (dominant) hand.

How to kill "Question Inflection" (Upspeak)?

End statements with a descending pitch. Imagine a heavy sledgehammer falling at the end of every sentence. "My name is [Name]." (Hammer hits the floor). Do not let the hammer float up like a balloon.

How to eliminate standard small talk?

Replace "How are you?" with Dopamine Sparkers like "What’s the highlight of your week?" or "Working on anything exciting?" Imagine throwing a lit match into dry wood instead of pouring cold water on the fire.

The "Me Too" shortcut for rapport?

Listen for a shared interest, then highlight it immediately with "Me too!" Imagine a bridge snapping into place between two cliffs. This bridges the gap from stranger to friend instantly.

The Social Sweet Spot at an event?

Avoid the "Start Zone" (entry/coat check) where people are anxious. Head for the Bar or Food line. People are "rewarded" with a drink and open to talk. Imagine a watering hole on the savannah; hunt where the prey is relaxed.

The Slow Triple Nod technique?

When someone speaks, nod slowly three times. This signals deep processing and forces them to share 30% more info. Imagine a slow-motion bobblehead—don't go fast (anxious) or stay still (bored).

The Charisma Formula?

Charisma = Warmth + Competence. Imagine a warm fireplace (warmth) built inside a solid stone house (competence). You need both to be invited in and respected. High warmth only = Pushover. High competence only = Intimidating.

How to signal High-Warmth physically?

Use head tilts, eyebrow raises, and frontal heart-pointing (torso aimed at the person). Imagine you are a curious puppy—tilting your head shows you are listening and non-threatening.

How to signal High-Competence physically?

Use steepled hands, stillness, and vocal gravity. Imagine a frozen lake—the less you fidget, the more powerful you appear. Fidgeting is "leaking" power through your fingertips.

The Vocal Anchor technique?

Speak at the bottom of your breath. Imagine your voice is coming from your boots, not your throat. High-pitched "head voice" signals panic and high cortisol.

Micro-expression spotting: Fear?

Look for widened eyes (whites showing) and brows pulled together. Imagine a deer in headlights. If you see this, stop your pitch and address the concern immediately to lower their heart rate.

Trust building through a camera lens?

Look directly into the black hole of the lens, not the screen. Imagine the lens is a human eye. Looking at the screen is like looking at someone’s chin—it feels "off" and untrustworthy.

The Frame Rule for video/YouTube?

Keep your hands visible in the video frame. If they are below the camera line, you lose 50% of perceived trust. Imagine you are a weather reporter—your hands are your primary tools for emphasis.

How to fix Resting Bitch Face (RBF)?

Use a Slight Micro-Smirk or "Smize" (smiling with eyes). Imagine you are holding a secret that makes you happy. This lifts the corners of the mouth and eyes just enough to look approachable.

The "Anti-Perfect" principle?

Admitting a small mistake (the Pratfall Effect) increases likability. Imagine tripping slightly then laughing. It shatters the "glass wall" of intimidation and makes you relatable.

How to use Nodding to influence agreement?

Nod slightly while making your key point. It triggers Embodied Cognition—their brain starts to mirror your physical agreement. Imagine hypnotizing a snake with a slow, rhythmic motion.

Vocal Filler Killers?

Replace "um" or "like" with a deliberate 2-second pause. Imagine swallowing the "um" and letting the silence hang. Silence is a power move; fillers are an apology for taking up space.

How to spot Contempt?

Look for the one-sided mouth pull (a half-smirk). Imagine a sneer. This is the most dangerous micro-expression; it means they feel superior. If you see it, pivot the conversation to re-establish value.

The Social Brave habit?

Be the first to say "Hello" or "Hey." Imagine bursting a balloon of tension. The person who initiates the interaction is perceived as the leader of the social frame.

How to use Touch Cues (Haptics) safely?

A light touch on the outer arm/shoulder for less than one second. Imagine a butterfly landing and taking off. Only use this after rapport is established to "anchor" a positive emotion.

The "Favorite Topic" technique?

People love talking about themselves. Ask: "What are you working on that you're excited about?" Imagine handing them a microphone and stepping back. You win by listening.

How to handle Interrupters?

Keep speaking at the same volume but raise your hand slightly (palm out). Imagine a stop sign. Don't get angry; just maintain your physical and vocal space.

The Fronting Rule?

Point toes, torso, and head directly at the person. Imagine your body is a laser beam focused only on them. Partial fronting (angling away) signals you are looking for an exit.

The Pre-Performance Prime?

Spend 2 minutes in a Winner's Stance (arms up, chin high) before an interview. Imagine your blood turning into rocket fuel. This lowers cortisol (stress) and spikes testosterone (confidence).

How to use "Verbal Cues" in emails?

Use "Warm" words (collaborate, happy, appreciate) and "Competent" words (effective, execute, productive). Imagine sprinkling salt (competence) and sugar (warmth) into your text to balance the flavor.

The Background Cue effect?

Your environment sends cues. Books = Competence; Plants = Warmth. Imagine your background is a silent movie set—ensure it tells the right story before you even open your mouth.

The "Queueing" Technique?

When ending a story, use a "Queue" to hand off the conversation. "And that's why I'm here. What about you?" Imagine passing a relay baton. Never let the conversation drop on the floor.