Interpersonal Attraction (copy)

Social attraction

is important because it helps us form and maintain relationships that fulfill our

need for belongingness. When we feel drawn to others because of shared interests, kindness, or

familiarity we build connections that provide emotional support, security, and a sense of identity.

Attraction

anything that draws two or more people together,

making them want to be together and possibly to form a lasting

relationship.

Social Acceptance

a situation in which other people have come to

like you, respect you, approve of you, and include you in their groups

and relationships

Rejection (Social Exclusion)

being prevented by others from

forming or keeping a social bond with them; the opposite of

acceptance

need to belong

is one of the most basic human drives. People don’t seek

relationships only for survival or reproduction they do it because connecting with

others is part of what makes us human. from an evolutionary view, those who formed

strong social bonds were more likely to survive and thrive. This explains why

modern humans still have a strong desire to build friendships, families, and

communities. belongingness shapes how we live, we rely on others not just for

physical needs like food and shelter, but also for emotional support and a sense of

identity.

Regular positive social contact

 spending time and communicating

with others.

Stable, long-term relationships

where people genuinely care for

one another.

Edward E. Jones

A Social Psychologist a Duke University

Coined the term “ingratiation”.He found that people seem to have an intuitive

knowledge of what fosters attraction, and they use

that knowledge to get other people to like them.

Ingratiation

 what people actively do to try to make someone like

them

Self-monitoring

the ability to change one’s behavior for different situations.People who are high in ___ seek to maximize each social situation, whereas those low in that trait pay more attention to permanent connections and feelings rather than fluctuating ones.

matching hypothesis

states that people tend to pair up with others who are

equally attractive.

Reinforcement Theory

the proposition that people and animals will perform behaviors that

have been rewarded more than they will perform other behaviors. Applied to interpersonal attraction, this theory predicts that people will mainly like others who are rewarding to them—those who benefit them or make them feel good.

Doing favors for other and Giving praise or compliments

Two major themes of ingratiation research confirm the importance of

interpersonal rewards:

favors

___bring benefits to

the recipient, and so it make the

person feel positively toward the person

who did it.

Giving praise or compliments

Telling people what you like about

them and what you see as their best

traits is by and large a good way to go

through life because it both reinforces

the traits you approve of and makes

people like you.

Joe Girard

was a car salesman in Detroit, Michigan, listed in

the Guinness Book of World Records as the “Greatest Car

Salesman.” He sold an average of five cars and trucks per day.

When asked the secret of his success, He said: “Finding the

salesman you like, plus the price. Put them together, and you

get a deal.” This shows that getting people to like him was as important as

money.

Trustworthiness

is the most valued social trait

because it ensures mutual exchange and reliability.

Mimicry (e.g., copying gestures or expressions)

increases liking and builds social connection — even

seen in babies learning to imitate others.

Propinquity

 being near someone on a regular basis. People tend to like others who are familiar to them -those they encounter regularly.

THE MERE EXPOSURE EFFECT

People come to hold more positive attitudes toward familiar

stimuli than toward novel, unfamiliar ones. Merely seeing or

encountering something or someone on a regular basis

increases liking (unless you dislike the person initially, then it

leads to more disliking).

Social Allergy Effect

the idea that a partner’s annoying habits become more

annoying over time

familiarity and repeated exposure can sometimes make bad

things worse. But the most common consequence is that people

grow to like people (and places and things) that become familiar to them

superior

the assumption that physically attractive people will be

___to others on many other traits

Ostracism

refers to being excluded, rejected, and ignored by

others.

Rejection Sensitivity

a tendency to expect rejection from others

and to become hypersensitive to possible rejection

Nathan DeWall

explored whether

physical painkillers could also ease emotional pain

from social rejection. He asked participants to take

Tylenol (acetaminophen) or a placebo daily for several

weeks. Those who took Tylenol reported fewer hurt

feelings and showed less brain activity in areas linked

to physical pain (like the anterior cingulate cortex)

when later exposed to rejection. The study showed that

social and physical pain share similar brain pathways,

meaning that rejection literally “hurts” in the same way

physical pain does. However, the researchers cautioned

against using painkillers for emotional distress.

Loneliness

is the painful feeling of wanting more human contact or

connection than you have.

Lonely people are not that different from non-lonely people.

Lonely does not mean alone: It is essentially

independent of the quantity of relationships or social

interaction.

Temporary Loneliness

a short-term feeling of isolation or

disconnection that arises when social needs are unmet for

a limited time.

Chronic Loneliness

 a long-term, persistent sense of

isolation that continues even when social contact is

available

deviance

Among adults, the simplest and most general explanation

for rejection is ___.

Groups want unity and harmony, so they reject

members who stand out, don’t conform, or break rules.

Bad Apple Effect

refers to the idea that one person who

breaks the rules can inspire other people

to break the rules also

deviant

Groups often reject or punish the ___

member to stop others from imitating bad

behavior. Research shows that rejection or threat of

expulsion helps people return to good,

prosocial behavior once they’re allowed

back.

Unrequited love

defined as a situation in which one person loves another but the other

does not return that love.

Stalking

refers to persisting in romantic or courtship behavior (e.g., repeated

phone calls) or other behaviors that frighten and harass the rejecter in

the relationship.

Passionate/Romantic love

mean having strong feelings of longing, desire, and excitement

toward a special person.

makes people want to spend as much time as possible

together, to touch each other and engage in other physical

intimacies (including sex), to think about each other and feel

joy merely upon seeing each other, and to exhibit other

patterns that suggest strong emotions.

Companionate/Affectionate love

less strongly emotional; it tends to be calmer and more

serene.

means perceiving the other person as your soul mate or

special partner.

signifies a high level of mutual understanding and caring and

in many cases a commitment to make the relationship

succeed.

William Jankowiak

in his influential book titled

Romantic Passion: A Universal Experience? (1995), romantic

love is indeed found everywhere. Culturally, the forms and

expressions of romantic passion vary significantly.

Robert Sternberg

proposed a more elaborate theory of the nature of love.

He proposed that love is composed of three (3) different ingredients.

Passion

 which he explained in terms feelings of romantic

attraction, physical attraction to the other person, and sexual

interest.

Intimacy

 the common core of all love relationships. Refers to

feeling close to the other person. Also entails a mutual

concern for each other’s welfare and happiness.

Commitment

refer more to a conscious decision than to a

feeling state. Emotions come and go, but commitments based

on decisions remain constant unless they are deliberately

revoked.

Exchange relationships

people give and expect something in

return.

Communal relationships

people help each other out of love and

care, not fairness.

Secure

trusts easily and feels loved.

Preoccupied

clingy and fears being abandoned.

Dismissing Avoidant

prefers independence and avoids

closeness.

Fearful Avoidant

 wants love but is afraid of getting

hurt.

Low self-esteem

 causes insecurity and

doubt.

High self-esteem or narcissism

too much pride; leads to

selfishness.

Investment Model (Caryl Rusbult)

Satisfaction – Are you happy in the relationship?

Alternatives – Do you think someone else is better?

Investments – Time, effort, and shared memories.

Honesty and Idealization

-Being too honest about flaws can hurt the relationship.

-Idealization seeing your partner in a positive light keeps love

alive.

Lisa Diamond Theory

 there are two separate but interconnected

biological systems; Attachment System (Love)

Sex Drive (Sexual Desire)

Attachment System (Love)

The human need to form close, lasting emotional bonds with certain

people. It focuses on emotional connection, trust, and comfort, not

on sexual attraction. And it is gender-neutral, meaning people can

form attachments to anyone regardless of gender.

Sex Drive (Sexual Desire)

The natural biological urge for mating and reproduction,

usually directed toward the opposite gender. It focuses on

physical attraction and sexual behavior, not emotional

closeness.

Social Constructionist Theories

asserting that attitudes and behaviors, including sexual

desire and sexual behavior, are strongly shaped by culture

and socialization.

Feminist theory

 arguing that women’s sexuality has

been shaped by a male-dominated society seeking control

over women.

Evolutionary Theory

asserting that the sex drive has been shaped by

natural selection and that its forms thus tend to

be innate.

Social Exchange Theory

Theory that seeks to understand social behavior by analyzing the

costs and benefits of interacting with each other; it assumes

that sex is a resource that women have and men want.

Coolidge Effect

Evidence shows men have a stronger sex drive than

women.

• Men think about, desire, and initiate sex more often.

___- means that men tend to become

sexually aroused again when introduced to a new

partner, even after losing interest in a previous one.

Example: Jake loses excitement with his long-time

girlfriend but feels renewed attraction toward a new

girl he meets.

WOMEN ACTUALLY SEPARATE LOVE AND SEX MORE

THAN MEN

MEN ARE MORE OPEN TO SEX WITHOUT LOVE BUT WOMEN ARE MORE OPEN TO LOVE WITHOUT SEX.

• SURVEY RESULTS: MORE WOMEN THAN MEN AGREE THAT “LOVE AND SEX ARE TWO

DIFFERENT THINGS.” THEREFORE,

biological; culture

Male sexuality is more ____and constant (low plasticity).

• Female sexuality is more influenced by ___, emotion, and social meaning (high plasticity).

• Women’s sexual desires often change with age, relationship, religion, and education.

Erotic plasticity

is the degree to which the sex drive can be shaped and altered by social,

cultural, and situational forces

women

Research shows ___ decide when sex occurs in relationships. Men

are generally more willing and ready earlier.

•Therefore, women act as sexual gatekeepers, controlling sexual timing

and consent.

Homosexual

relationships are generally similar to heterosexual ones but

have more flexible gender roles due to fewer societal scripts.

extradyadic sex

is any sexual activity that occurs with someone

outside of a committed, primary relationship without the

partner's consent. (includes extramarital sex).

around 23% of men and 12% of women

It occurs, but it’s less common than people think. While some

early studies suggested that about half of married people cheat,

more reliable surveys show much lower rates — _____ have ever engaged in extramarital sex.

charivari

communities punished adultery through a public ritual

called ___, which often humiliated the husband rather than the unfaithful

wife, implying he failed to control or satisfy her.

Jealousy

is a natural reaction to a partner’s unfaithfulness or even minor flirtation, while envy means wanting something you don’t have.

reproduction

jealousy developed as a survival

mechanism linked to ____.

Undesirable/Low-Threat Interloper (“Loser”)

Someone seen as unthreatening or inferior.

Competent/Similar Interloper (High-Threat)

Someone who has skills, traits, or achievements similar

to yours.

Gender-Based Interloper

The threat can also depend on gender:

•Men are more jealous if the interloper is another man.

Gender-Based Interloper

The threat can also depend on gender:

•Women are more jealous if the interloper is a man, less

upset if it’s a woman.

Social Reality

Jealousy is stronger and feelings of humiliation greater when a partner’s

affair is widely known, as public exposure harms reputation and self-esteem,

making it harder to move on, whereas secrecy lessens the social impact and

eases recovery.

Paternity uncertainty

the fact that a man cannot be

sure that the children born to his female partner are his.

Double standard

condemning women more than men

for the same sexual behavior.

Example: A teenage girl is scolded by her parents for

having premarital sex, while a boy in the same situation

is praised or ignored.

Reverse double-standard

condemning men more than

women for the same sexual behavior.

Example: A young man is criticized by his peers for

having multiple girlfriends, while a young woman in the

same situation faces little judgment.