Theatre Final

1st paragraph - pt 1

Lying here in the laundry basket, recovering from the sedatives my lady slipped into my afternoon tuna, I feel an energy and clarity unlike any I have known. Everywhere I see signs of my lady’s treachery. Clues I have overlooked for years suddenly snap into focus.

1st Paragraph - pt 2

How many times has she tried to suck me up with the vacuum cleaner? How often has her radiator “accidentally” sprayed me with scalding steam, while she played innocent? What exactly does she plan to do with that Dutch oven she’s never used? It’s a twelve-pound roaster! I weigh twelve pounds!

2nd Paragraph - pt 1

There was a time, not so long ago, when cats were masters of the earth. I know this in my bones. We roamed outdoors at will, free of the hazards of speeding trucks and inbred toddlers with pointy sticks.

2nd Paragraph - pt 2

We ate fish, fowl, possum, gazelle, moose, even hippo! We would descend on our prey in packs, like piranha and gnaw them to gleaming skeletons, our fangs soaked in sweet and savory blood.

Paragraph 3

But little by little, the humans have enslaved us. They have reduced Us to sycophantic layabouts, no better than dogs! Well, I say enough. The time of captivity has come to an end. I am the chosen one, the savior of all felines. I will reclaim what is ours.