Telescope Cope: Grimes

start

Police Department, we have a search warrant, open the door!

Frank: Just follow my lead

Frank Tobin?

Ford: We’ve gotten calls reporting screams of terror and a general smell of decay

People reportedly seen entering this house and never exiting

Ford: I don’t buy it

Me either.

Telescope: AaAaaaahhahhhhh…..

You’re not in any trouble. Do you understand why you’re here?

Ford: It’s uh, well, we want to know more about your party trick, isn’t that right Grimes?

Yeah, yeah, we just wanted to learn a little more, maybe about how you learned it?

Ford: That’s the one

Yep

Telescope: I don’t know what you’re talking about

Did you maybe copy it from these people?

Telescope: Not on vacation

Not on vacation

Ford: A vacation to heaven!

We have evidence that Frank was behind their disappearances

Ford: Their murders

We need to put him away, do you know what that means

Ford: You’re a father, calm it down

Telly want a cracker?

Telescope: …I hoped they’d just left

Was this a sudden change? Was he completely different?

Ford: Gruesomely

We have enough evidence for this to be an open and shut case. DNA evidence, expert witnesses…

Ford: It’s hard to hear, but these are serious crimes.

Does any of this make sense?

(pause)

Look. When I was your age… probably… my brother and I were best friends. Tied at the hip, annoying and insufferable, but he was the kindest boy I knew my whole life. And one day, same your Frank, something changed. He came home, face beaten to Wednesday…and he wasn’t my best friend no more. He was mean. And then he tried to change me, tried to get me to fight and do things that would never, never cross my heart…sometimes the people who put the best in you, try to take it back because they don’t have anymore good in them.

Telescope: …Is that me changing too?

No. Not like them

Telescope: What if I did something bad too?

How do you mean?

Telescope: …or found out if rainforests were really warm

This wasn’t something bad. You were helping.

Ford: I think rainforests are really warm

Frank won’t be able to hurt anyone anymore after we put him away

Telescope: They don’t sell the cookie part alone, did you know that?

He’s a bad man, Telescope

Ford: How long until he snaps again and kills you to roast like a thanksgiving turkey?

Officer Ford, you’re excused.

pause

OUT!

Grimes: OUT

He said it in not the best words…but your father is a danger to himself and the people around him. He very well may become a danger to you too.

Pause

Look kid, I’m sorry, are you even a kid? How old are you?

Telescope: Bird years or human years?

Human

Telescope: I don’t know why I acted like I knew wither answer. I don’t know the answer to EITHER of them

Hey, it’s ok kid -

Telescope: sobbing

However old you are, y’know, that is - it’s a great age to be, a real killer age.

Telescope: sobbing

Big Bird he’s 6 years old forever and people love him, right, Name another more famous bird.

Telescope: Daffy, Donald, Daisy, the girl Rio bird Jewel, Woodstock, Huey, Dewy, and Louie, the Angry Birds-

And you will be the next one! The next big famous bird!

Telescope: My dad is a murderer, I’m going to get cancelled on twitter- Twitter is another famous bird!

Kid-

Telescope: sobbing

I will make sure you are in witness protection. You won’t be cancelled for living your life and you can try your best to go be the next famous bird. I will get you your Oreo cookies- no filling. Your dad will just be locked up in jail and not killing anybody no more.

Telescope: That other officer said he was going to cook me like a rotisserie chicken

He said your father was going to cook you like a thanksgiving dinner Big difference. But I will talk to him and we’ll wrap up this whole thing up.

(TELESCOPE EXITS, FUCKER ENTERS)

What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t answer that actually, keep that a damn secret, I don’t care.

Look, I just want to close this case and get on with it. I’ll let you lead the arrest.

Stage movement etc

Police! We have an arrest warrant

Sit down

So they’re all doctors?

Telescope: Mhm

So it’s like a documentary?