Dining Room Scene (Margery & Paul)

Begin scene

What do you think?

You’re in trouble.

Oh dear. I knew it.

It’s becoming unglued.

I know the feeling.

Coming apart at the seams.

Do you think it’s hopeless?

Let me check the table.

It shakes very badly. I had a few friends over the other nights, and every time we tried to cut our chicken, out water glasses started tinkling frantically. And the chairs creaked and groaned. It was like having dinner at Pompei.

I’m checking the joints here.

It’s all very sad. How things run down and fall apart. I used to tell my husband-my ex husband-we have such lovely old things. We should oil them, we should wax them, we should keep them up. But of course I couldn’t do everything, and he wouldn’t do anything, and now here you are to give us the coup de grace.

Hey look at this.

What?

Look under here.

I don’t dare.

I’m serious. Look.

Wait till I put on my glasses. Where? I can’t see.

Under here. Look. This support. See how loose this is?

I can’t quite…Wait.

Come on.

All right.

See? Look at this support.

I see. It wiggles like mad.

And look over there. I’ll have to put a whole new piece in over here. See? This is gone.

I see.

And…excuse me, please…this pedestal is loose. Probably needs a new dowel. I’ll have to ream it out and put in another…

Do you think so?

Oh sure. In fact your whole dining room needs to be re-screwed, re-glued, and re-newed.

Hmmmm.

What’s the matter?

I’ve never been under a table before.

Oh yeah?

It’s all just…wood under here, isn’t it?

That’s all it is.

I mean you’d think a dining room table was something special. But it isn’t, underneath. It’s all just…wood. It’s just a couple of big, wide…boards.

That’s right.

What’s this, here?

What’s what?

Well you’ll have to come back under here, to see. There’s some writing here, burned into the wood.

Where?

Right here. “Freeman’s Furniture. Wilkes-Barre, Pa. 1898.”

Oh that’s the manufacturer’s mark.

1898?

That’s what is says.

But that’s not so old.

Not if it was made in 1898.

That’s not old at all. It’s not even an antique. It’s just…American.

There’s a lot of these around. They used to crank them out, at the end of the 19th century.

Now, aren’t I dumb? For years, we’ve been thinking it’s terribly valuable.

Well it is, in a sense. It’s well made. It’s a solid serviceable copy. Based on the English.

Well I’ll be darned. You learn something every day. You know a lot about furniture, don’t you?

I’m beginning to.

I’ll bet your father was a cabinet maker or something.

My father was a banker.

A banker.

And I was a stockbroker. Until I got into this.

I don’t believe it.

Sure. I decided I wanted to see what I was doing. And touch it. And see the results. So I took up carpentry.

I am amazed. I mean, I know some stockbrokers. Is this the support that’s bad?

That’s the one.

What if you put a nail in here?

Not a nail. A screw.

All right, And another one over here. Or at least some household cement.

Well, they have these epoxy glues now…

All right. And maybe cram a matchbook or something in here.

Not a matchbook.

A wedge then. A wooden wedge.

Good idea.

See I can do it too. So. Well. Will you be taking the table away? Or can you fix it here?

I can fix it here. If you want.

That might make more sense. My husband used to ask for written estimates. Materials and labor.

I’ll write one up.

Suppose I helped. On the labor.

I’ve never worked that way.

I should learn. I shouldn’t be so helpless.

O.K. Why not?

Besides, it’s not an antique. If I make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world, is it?

Not at all.

When could be start?

Today. Now, if you want.

Then we’re a partnership, aren’t we? We should have a drink, to celebrate.

O.K.

What’ll we have? Something snappy? Like a martini?

No, I gave them up with the stockmarket. How about a beer?

Fine idea. Good, solid beer. If I’ve got it.