Week 1 - Building Blocks of Relationships

Baumeister and Leary (1995)

• identified human beings’ '“need to belong”

• “human beings have a fundamental need to form and maintain a minimum quantity of lasting, positive and significant interpersonal relationships”

evolutionary perspective on the need to belong (Hare, 2017)

• early humans lived in small groups in a difficult environment

• adaptions to be social and caring led to increases in survival likelihood allowing maturation and reproduction

overarching evidence for the need to belong

• relationships are easy to form and difficult to break

• without close connections, we suffer

• our need to belong can be satiated

• the need to belong is universal

evidence for relationships being easy to form and difficult to break

• babies instantly form attachments (Bowlby)

• we experience great difficulty in ending relationships

evidence for a lack of close connections causing suffering

• rejection hurts: pain, reduced wellbeing, intellectual functioning

• lack of social network is a strong predictor of illness and mortality

• social connection can be a matter of life or death

• it is particularly important that relationships are high quality/satisfying

relationships and mortality

• people in happy relationships were more likely to survive 48 months after experiencing a heart attack

evidence for the satiation of the need to belong

• we have a limited number of friends (approx. 6 friends in college - Wheeler & Nezlek, 1977)

• people spend less time with friends when in a romantic relationship

• connection with a new romantic partner reduces attachment to a previous partner

evidence for the need to belong being universal

• reviewed evidence does not seem to be culture specific

who are our attachment figures?

• people are most likely to say that their romantic partner is their primary attachment figure and least likely to say their father

what is attachment?

• an intimate emotional bond to particular individual who is seen as providing protection, comfort, and support

• attachment system - form bonds with others, become distressed if they are unavailable

• evolutionary function of attachment system - keep caregivers close to infants

normative (secure) attachment processes

• proximity maintenance - staying near and resisting separations

• secure base - using attachment figure as a base from which to engage in non-attachment behaviour

• safe haven - turning to an attachment figure for comfort, support, and reassurance

individual differences in attachment

• learn in early childhood what to expect from others

• develop beliefs and expectations about others (whether they will be responsive to needs) and the self (whether we are worthy of love

• these beliefs influence thoughts feelings and behaviour in relationships

attachment in adulthood

• similarities in primary attachment functions (proximity-seking, safe haven, secure base)

• differences in infant and adult attachment (mutuality in care, psychological proximity, sexuality)

attachment orientations (Fraley et al., 2011)

• low vs high anxiety

• low vs high avoidance

describe secure attachment

• low anxiety and low avoidance

• learned that proximity seeking leads to support, protection and relied of distress

• turn to others when distressed

• believe distress is manageable

• more stable and satisfying relationships

describe dismissive-avoidant attachment

• low anxiety and high avoidance

• value self-reliance and independence

• avoid seeking support when distressed

• expect relationship failure/aversion to commitment

• lack of intimacy

• higher levels of attraction when interacting with potential partners

• report feeling a sense of relief after break-ups

describe anxious-preoccupied attachment

• high anxiety and low avoidance

• hypervigilant about loss and rejection

• excessive reliance on others when distressed

• demanding of closeness, attention, and approval

• intrusive, demanding and overly disclosing

• hard time getting over break ups

describe fearful-avoidant attachment

• high anxiety and high avoidance

• hypersensitive to potential hurt and rejection

• withdraws when upset; avoids coping

• relatively poor personal and social adjustment

• difficulty expressing feelings

stability of attachment style

• early researchers claimed attachment style originates in early life and shapes relationships from “cradle to grave”

• evidence shows stability of attachment style over time

• but new experiences matter (break-ups vs new, good relationships)

• become more secure with age (Chopik et al., 2019)