Relationship Science Final Chapter 11-14

Types of dialectics: Autonomy vs. connection

• need for freedom vs. need for intimacy

Types of dialectics: Openness vs. closeness

• Being open and honest vs. preserving privacy 

Types of dialectics: Stability vs. change

• Establishing consistency vs. desire to mix it up

Types of dialectics: Integration vs. separation

• overlap with partner in other domains or not

Bolger and Zuckerman (1995) study

• Two-week daily diary study 

• List negative interactions with others 

• 22 item self reported measure of neuroticism 

• Measured Ps anger level and depressed mood each day

• Results conflict: people who were high in neuroticism reported more days of experiencing negative conflict (twice as likely)

• Results emotions: no conflict high neuroticism were anger than low neuroticism people on days of no conflict. With conflict people with low neuroticism experienced no change in anger while those who had high neuroticism anger increased

• Results Depression: people high on neurotics were depress with no conflict and it increased with conflict white low neuroticism with no conflict was higher in depression than when they had conflict 

Beginning stages: Attributional conflict

• conflict over causes and motives of behaviors

• can be due to self-serving bias

• Particularly difficult to resolve

• Bidirectional relationship between dissatisfaction and dysfunctional attributions

Demand/ withdrawal pattern

• demander criticizes and nags

• withdrawer avoids conflict and is defensive

• 60% is women demander, man withdrawer

• 30% is man demander, women withdrawer

• 10% is equal demander or withdrawers

Negative affect reciprocity

Partner A = Negative emotion - Partner B physically upset

Partner B neg emotion - Partner A physically upset

Four types of instigators for conflict: criticism

• remarks perceived as demeaning

Four types of instigators for conflict: Illegitimate demands

• unfair requests perceived to exceed normal expectations

Four types of instigators for conflict: Rebuffs 

• Fails to respond as expected 

Four types of instigators for conflict: Cumulative annoyances

• Trival events becomes irritating with repetition

Middle stages the four horsemen of the apocalypse: Criticism

• Attack partners character

Middle stages the four horsemen of the apocalypse: Defensiveness

• avoid taking responsibility by pointing out something partner did prior 

Middle stages the four horsemen of the apocalypse: stonewalling

• showing little interest or concern in what partner is saying or doing

Middle stages the four horsemen of the apocalypse: contempt

• Any set of behaviors that signal disgust

• Best predictor of divorce

Balance theory: Volatiles 

• high degree of negative exchange, high degree of humor and affection

Balance theory Validators

• Talk out differences constructively, supportive listeners, moderate emotion

balance theory avoiders

• state positions and end conversation, low emotions

Hostiles

• Direct conflict, defensive, blaming, negative affect reciprocity, kitchen-sinking

• Positive to negative exchange ratios of 1:1 instead of 5:1

Response to partner dissatisfaction=

active

active - constructive

voice

Pestructive - active

exit

constructive - passive

loyalty

pestructive - passive 

neglect

outcomes of conflict

least constructive

most common

separation withdrawal want resolution

• domination= 1 winner

Types of power: Fate control

• Control partners outcomes no matter what

Types of power: Behavior control

• encourage but not compel desired behavior

Types of resources that lead to power: Reward

• Bestow, desired rewards

Types of resources that lead to power: Coercive 

• Levy unwanted punishments

Types of resources that lead to power: Legitimate

• Authority to tell others what to do

Types of resources that lead to power: Referent

• Emerges from respect and love

Types of resources that lead to power: Expert

• Superior knowledge and experience

Types of resources that lead to power: Informational

• control info that other wants

Situational couple violence (SCV)

• Erupts from heated conflicts that get out of hand

• Tied to specific arguments

• SCV is an equal-gender activity

• Men’s SCV is more injurious than women’s

Intimate terrorism (IT)

• Use of violence to control and oppress partner

• IT is almost exclusively perpetrated by men

• 40% of victims of IT also report sexual abuse

• Most perpetrators are antisocial and narcissistic

• Violent resistance is fighting back against IT

• Often accompanied by other forms of power

I3 model of situational couple violence: Instigating Triggers  

• Causes one or both partners to be on edge 

I3 model of situational couple violence: Impelling influences

• Make it more likely to experience impulses

I3 model of situational couple violence: Inhibiting influences

• Reframing from acting on impulses

Rusbult and Martz (1995) study

• Why not leave an abusive relationship?

• Interview from shelter for battered women

• Decisions to stay were related to commitment

• Poor alternatives to their relationship

• Greater investments in their relationship

• Even if satisfaction was low

Cognitive relationship maintenance mechanisms

• Cognitive interdependence 

• See ourselves as part of a greater entity

• Use more plural pronouns, such as we, us, and ours instead of I, me, and mine 

• Cognitive component of mutuality

• whole is greater than the sum of its parts 

Behavioral relationship maintenance mechanisms

• Michelangelo phenomenon

• Partners encourage and help us become the person that we want to be 

• Support partners who take on new roles and responsibilities 

Behavioral relationship maintenance mechanisms:

• engage in novel, exciting activities together

• Misattribution of arousal

• Think partner is cause of arousal

Behavioral relationship maintenance mechanisms: Classical conditioning

• Associate fun feelings with partner 

Behavioral relationship maintenance mechanisms: Savoring

• play attention to and enjoy shared pleasures

• Display eager anticipation for event

• Be alert during the event

• Show gratifying reminiscence after event