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Conflict
an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goal
Intrapersonal Conflict
internal conflict; within one's self
Interpersonal Conflict
A conflict that happens between two or more people/parties
Interdependence in Conflict
the degree to which people in a relationship rely on, influence, and affect each other; conflict occurs because their goals, actions, or needs are connected
Perceived Incompatible Goals
When people believe that their goals, needs, or desires cannot all be met at the same time, leading them to perceive that they are in competition with each other
Scarce Resources
Limited supplies such as time, money, space, attention, power, self-esteem, etc that people compete for, which can create or intensify conflict
Interference
When one person/party believes another person is blocking, limiting, or getting in the way of their goals or actions, intensifying the conflict.
Destructive Conflict
a type of conflict that harms relationships, reduces trust, creates resentment, and often escalates rather than resolves the issue.
The Four Horsemen
1. Criticism (attacking one's character instead of addressing behaviour)
2. Defensiveness (protecting yourself by denying responsibility or shifting blame)
3. Stonewalling (shutting down, withdrawing, or going silent to avoid conversation)
4. Contempt (disrespect, mockery, sarcasm, communicating superiority)
Escalatory Spiral
a pattern in which conflict keeps intensifying—each person reacts more aggressively or negatively, causing the situation to worsen over time. Also known as "fight" patterns.
Avoidance Spiral
a pattern where people become increasingly distant because they keep avoiding the conflict, leading to less communication, more misunderstanding, and a weaker relationship. Also known as "flight" patterns.
Secure Attachment Style
a healthy way of relating to others, where a person feels comfortable with intimacy, trusts others, and can rely on both themselves and their partner during conflict or stress.
Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style
A style of attachment where a person values independence over closeness, often avoids emotional intimacy, and may dismiss or downplay the importance of relationships and conflict.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style
A style of attachment where a person craves closeness and intimacy but often fears abandonment, leading them to be overly dependent on others for reassurance and validation.
Disorganized (fearful-avoidant) Attachment Style
A style of attachment where a person has mixed feelings about closeness—wanting intimacy but also fearing it—often resulting from past trauma or inconsistent caregiving.
Avoidant Systems
rely on withdrawal and avoidance, suppressing conflict instead of addressing it.
Collaborative Systems
use cooperation, open dialogue, and respect to manage and resolve conflicts.
Aggressive/Coercive Systems
rely on force, dominance, and intimidation to handle conflict.
Topic Goals
The issue or subject of the conflict
Relational Goals
How the people involved relate to each other
Identity Goals
How the conflict affects personal values or sense of self
Process Goals
How the conflict is managed or handled
Prospective Goals
Focus on future outcomes, what you want to achieve going forward, before conflict
Transactive Goals
Focus on mutual understanding or exchange, finding shared solutions during the conflict
Retrospective Goals
Focus on past events, how the conflict or previous actions are understood or resolved, after conflict
Bases of Power (power currencies)
1. Resource power
2. Expertise Power
3. Social Network Power
4. Personal Power
5. informational/Introspection Power
Designated Power
the authority officially given to someone based on their position or role.
R in RICE
Resource Control: power from controlling valuable resources (money, tools, information)
I in RICE
Interpersonal Linkages: power from connections, networks, or alliances
C in RICE
Communication skills: power from effectively persuading, influencing, or conveying ideas
E in RICE
Power from knowledge, skills, or specialized competence
Distressed system graph
Upside down triangle with power on top, rights in the middle, and interests at the bottom
Effective system graph
Right side up triangle with power on top, rights in the middle, and interests at the bottom
Obliging conflict style
A style where a person puts others' needs or goals above their own, often to maintain harmony or avoid conflict.
Avoiding conflict style
A style where a person withdraws or sidesteps the conflict, neither pursuing their own goals nor addressing the other person's.
Compromising conflict style
A style where both parties give up something to reach a mutually acceptable solution.
Integrating conflict style
A style where both parties work together to find a solution that fully satisfies everyone's needs.
Dominating conflict style
A style where a person asserts their own goals over others', seeking to "win" the conflict.