FSW 26`1 - Exam 2: Ch. 5-8

What is love? (dictionary)

• Dictionary definitions:

  • Intense affection

  • A feeling of attraction

  • Enthusiasm or fondness

  • Beloved person

  • A score in tennis

How many US adults believe in love at first sight?

More than 1/2

How many US young adults and all adults believe in one true love?

• Almost ¾ of US young adults

• Just over ¼ of all US adults

What is love? (textbook)

• Deep vital emotion

• Satisfies personal needs

  • Cannot satisfy all needs

    • “Legitimate” vs. “illegitimate” needs

• Involves caring and acceptance

• Involves intimacy

  • Emotional intimacy

  • Sexual intimacy

• Commitments

  • Consciously investing in relationship

Six Love Styles

1. Eros

2. Ludus

3. Storge

4. Pragma

5. Mania

6. Agape

Eros

Intense emotion and powerful sexual feelings/desires

Ludus

Love as play or fun

Storge

Deepening mutual commitment, respect, friendship

Pragma

Rational assessment of potential partner’s assets and liabilities

Mania

Strong sexual attraction and emotion and extreme jealousy and moodiness

Agape

Unselfish concern for loved one

Romantic Beliefs

• Ex.

  • Love at first sight

  • One true love

  • Etc.

Who tends to score higher on having romantic beliefs?

• Men

• Younger adults

• Higher scores do not predict relationship success

Let go of common misconceptions about love and relationships, such as:

• The right person will meet all of my needs

• I can change my partner

• Love will conquer all

• Love is a feeling (only)

• We’ll live happily ever after

Amatonormativity

Assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship

What love is not

• Martyring:

  • Consistently ignoring own needs while trying to satisfy all of partner’s needs

  • Prevents openness and intimacy

• Manipulating:

  • Controlling feelings, attitudes, and behaviors of another in underhanded ways

  • Damages relationships

• Limerence:

  • A typically involuntary state of being infatuated or obsessed with someone, characterized by a strong desire for one’s feelings to be returned

  • Can possibly turn into genuine love, but more often than not, it doesn’t

What does being in a committed relationship involve?

Involves selecting someone with whom to become emotionally and sexually intimate and, often, with whom to raise children

Partner Selection

• The process of choosing a partner with the intention of forming a marriage or committed relationship

• Research suggests that the best way to choose a life partner is to look for someone who is socially responsible, respectful, and emotionally supportive

• Also important that the person is committed both to the relationship and to the value of staying together

• It helps if that person also demonstrates good communication and problem-solving skills

• Equally important is looking for a partner with values that resemble one’s own because similar values and attitudes are strong predictors of ongoing happiness and relationship stability

Stats For Reasons to Get Married

• 90% of married adults and 73% of cohabitating adults said that “love” was a very important reason why they decided to get married or move in with their partner, followed by companionship (66% for married adults and 61% for cohabitators)

• 31% of married adults and 14% of cohabitors cited wanting to have children as a reason they decided to get married or move in with their partner

Median Ages of Marriage

• The median age at first marriage has increased steadily from around 20 years old for women and 22 years old for men in the mid-1950s to 28.1 years for women and 30.5 years for men in 2020

Stats on Households

• In 2020, about 2/3 of all American households were family households

• 71% of these households were married couple households

Research and published counseling advice on choosing a committed life partner have focused primarily on partner selection into…

Marriage

For Ages 18-24, Cohabitation Stats

• Cohabitation was more common than living with a spouse in 2018: 9% live with an unmarried partner vs. 7% who live with spouse

• 2/3 of cohabitating adults responded that they are not engaged but they would like to get married someday

• These cohabiting adults cited that their partner’s (29%) or their own (27%) lack of financial readiness is a major reason why they are not engaged or married to their current partner

LGBTQIA+ Stats

• List love as a very important reason to marry followed by companionship and making a lifelong commitment

• Nearly half of LGBTQIA+ Americans listed “for legal rights and benefits” as a very important reason to marry compared to ¼ of the general public

• A lower proportion of LGBT Americans listed “having children” and “having a relationship recognized in a religious ceremony” as a very important reasons, although these data were collected before the legalization of gay marriage in 2015

Heteronormative Bias

The idea that heterosexuality is the only normal, acceptable, or “real” marriage option

Commitment

• Loving involves the acceptance of partners for themselves and “not for their ability to change themselves or to meet another’s requirements to play a role”

• People are free to be themselves in a loving relationship and to expose their feelings, frailties, and strengths

• Related to this acceptance is having empathy towards one’s partner, which includes understanding them from their frame of reference rather than one’s own

• Commitment is the willingness to work through problems and conflicts as apposed to calling it quits when problems arise

• Committed partners view their relationship as worth keeping, and they work to maintain it despite difficulties or disagreements

Gender Differences in Love

• Her findings suggest that boys, at least a subset of them, are becoming less focused on casual sex and more focused on romance

• Men tend to fall in love more quickly

• Women take on average 134 days to say I love you, while men tend to take half that time

• 39% of men say I love you within the first month of seeing someone compared to 23% of women

• When it comes to love and breakups, women are more resilient

• Men were more likely than women to look at letters from former lovers, suggesting they are more sentimental about past relationships

• Men are responsible for and successfully perform various “romantic rituals” (asking the father’s permission, getting down on one knee, etc.),  as well as executing elaborate demonstrations of love, often in a public setting

• On the downside a study of 1,387 college students, 26% agreed that love “brainwashed women”

• Found that TGNC adolescents are in romantic relationships before, during, and after medically or socially transitioning

• Participants described a limited dating pool being more challenging compared with cisgender peers

Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love

• Consummates love involves three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment

• The three components of consummate love develop at different times as love grows and changes

• Passion is the quickest to develop and the quickest to fade

• Intimacy develops more slowly

• Commitment more gradually still

• Because these components not only develop at different rates but also exist in various combinations of intensity, a relationship is always changing, if only subtly

Consummate Love

• A complete love, in terms of Sternberg’s triangle theory of love, in which the components of passion, intimacy, and commitment come together

Attachment Theory and Loving Relationships

• Those with a secure attachment style have stronger interpersonal skills and are better prospects for a committed relationship

• An insecure/anxious attachment style entails “fear of abandonment” with consequent possible negative behaviors such as unwarranted jealousy or attempts to control one’s partner

• An avoidant attachment style leads one to pass up or shun closeness and intimacy by evading relationships, demonstrating ambivalence, seeming preoccupied, or, among men, rejecting romance and expressing hostile attitudes toward women

• Attachment style has been found to be associated with college students motives for hooking up

  • Students who had avoidant and anxious styles were more likely to use hooking up as a means to cope and deal with disappointment, and, among men, to boost self-confidence and impress peers

• Attachment style is also associated with young adults use of communication technology in romantic relationships

  • Those with an avoidant style were more likely to use email, as opposed to phone calls or texting

  • Those with an insecure/anxious attachment style texted more often and were more likely to look at their partners social media page

Marriage Market

The concept that potential partners take stock of their personal and social characteristics and then comparison shop or bargain for the best match

Arranged vs. Free Choice Marriages

• Today, it is more common for the children to marry only when they accept their parents choice

• The fact that marriages are arranged does not mean that love is ignored by parents; marital love is highly valued, but couples in arranged marriages are expected to develop a loving relationship after the marriage, not before

• How having an arranged marriage vs. freely chosen one affects marital satisfaction is unclear

• Some studies show higher marital satisfaction among couples in arranged marriages than non-arranged marriages

• Some studies also show that couples in arranged marriages are less happy or that type of marriage made no difference

• There is a concern that children, usually girls, are being forced into arranged marriages, mostly with older men

• More often, the exchange is accompanied by a dowry, a sum of money or property the female spouse/potential partner brings to the marriage in the form of cash, jewelry, furniture, electronics, and other household items

• The difference between arranged marriages and marriages in free choice cultures may seem so great that we are inclined to overlook an important similarity: both involve bargaining

Social Exchange

• The idea of bargaining resources in relationships comes from exchange theory

• Individuals, it is presumed, want to maximize their rewards, avoid costs, so when they have choices, they will pick the relationship that is more rewarding or least costly

• Individuals are thought to have other sorts of resources to bargain with besides money: physical attractiveness, intelligence, educational attainment, family status, and so on

• Individuals may also have costly attributes such as belonging to a different social class, religion, or racial/ethnic group; being irritable or demanding; and being geographically inaccessible

The Traditional Exchange

• Historically, women have traded their ability to bear and raise children, coupled with domestic duties, sexually accessibility, and physical attractiveness,, for a man’s protection, status, and economic support; this is referred to as the exchange model of mate selection

• Even though 2/3 of women contribute equally to the household income and 1/3 earn more than their partner, the majority of men and women (about 70%) still feel that it is very important for a man to be able to support a family to be a good husband or partner

• Only 25% of men and 39% of women think the same is true for women

Assortative Mating

• Research has consistently shown that people are willing to date and live with a wider range of individuals than they would marry

• AM is the social psychological filtering process in which individuals gradually narrow down their pool of eligible choices for long term committed relationships, removing those who would not make the best spouse or partner

Homogamy

• Marriage between partners of similar race, age, education, religious background, and social class

• In the US, about ½ of newlyweds and those married for 1 year or longer in heterosexual relationships are homogamous based on the levels of education

• Homogamous marriages/relationships seem to be most stable

Pool of Eligibility

• A group of individuals who, by virtue of background or social status, are most likely to be considered eligible to make culturally compatible marriage partners

• Starts out large, but is made smaller by geographical availability, sociodemographic factors, physical attraction, and preference for cohabitation

Endogamy

Marrying within one’s own social group

Selection Hypothesis

• Posits that many of the benefits associated with marriage—for ex, higher income and wealth, along with better health—are not necessarily due to the fact of being married but rather to the personal characteristics of those who choose—or selected into—marriage

• Similarly, the SH posits that many of the characteristics associated with cohabitation result not from the practice of cohabitation itself but from the personal characteristics of those who choose to cohabit

Normalization Hypothesis

The belief that the positive relationship between cohabitation and divorce will diminish over time

Experience Hypothesis

The belief that cohabiting experiences themselves affect individuals so that, once married, they are more likely to divorce

Looking for Love After Covid-19

• ¾ of people said it was difficult for them to find people to date in 2019, and the pandemic made it harder

• Married couples were also affected; there was more stress being put on their relationships (34% of marriages)

• Young people reconsidered hookups and engaging with multiple sexual partners during covid

• 53% of app daters in the US now prioritize their search for a relationship more than before the pandemic, and commitment became more important after the fear and uncertainty brought on by the pandemic

• More singles said goodbye to hookups and hello to settling down

• Anxiously attached and extraverted people were 10-26% more likely to begin a relationship during the pandemic

• Avoidantly attached and conscientious individuals were 15-17% less likely to being a relationship

• Anxious people can be immersed in thought when it comes to relationships, and this trait ruled their thinking and emotions more during the pandemic

  • As a consequence, they had a stronger desire to be in a committed relationship

• Avoidant people are unlikely to seek long term relationships, even outside of a pandemic, so the pandemic became an additional obstacle to dating

• Conscientious people avoid high-risk behaviors, so they chose not to interact with new people during the pandemic

Exogamy

• Marrying a partner from outside one’s own social group

• Ex. cougars

Heterogamy

Marriage between partners who differ in race, age, education, religious background, or social class

Interracial Unions

Marriages of a partner of one (socially defined) race to someone of a different race

Inter-Ethnic Unions

Marriages between spouses who belong to different ethnic groups

Intermarraige

Interracial and inter-ethnic union

Reasons for Inter-Racial and Inter-Ethnic Relationships

• Today, one reason that racial/ethnic groups are relatively small in number is simply that they have a smaller pool of eligibility partners in their own race or ethnicity

• Although the public has become more accepting of intermarriage, Black people (18%), are more likely to than non-Hispanic White (9%) and Hispanic (3%) people to say that intermarriage is generally a bad thing for society

• Black men are more likely to intermarry than Black women

• Black men with the highest levels of education, income, and career are more likely to intermarry than Black men with a lower level of education

• Today, a disproportionate number of Black women are single, and heterosexual Black women with high levels of education are more likely to date Black men with lower education levels than themselves or to consider an interracial relationship with a person of a similar level of education

• According to data, half of Gen Z and Millennials say that people of different races marrying each other is good for society compared to 41% of Gen X, 30% of Baby Boomers, and 20% of people in the Silent Generation

• Acceptance is also higher among people of color, those with college degrees, and those who identify as Democrat as opposed to Republican

• Intermarried couples still struggle with getting strange looks, sights, and other microaggressions

Status Exchange Hypothesis

• The argument that an individual might trade their socially defined superior racial/ethnic status for the economically or educationally superior status of a partner in a less-privileged racial/ethnic group

• Scholars have long viewed interracial couples, especially Black men and White women, as evidence of status-caste exchange where racial and/or ethnic minority men trade socioeconomic status for White women’s racial chaste status

• One drawback of this perspective is that it focuses on resources traditionally valued in men such as education and income

Interfaith Marriages

• Marriages in which partners are of different religions

• Nearly 7/10 Americans (69%) married a spouse who shares their religion

• Almost 4/10 Americans (39%) who have married since 2010 married a spouse from a different religion

• Nearly ½ of unmarried cohabiting couples (49%) live with someone of a different faith in the US

Heterogamy and Relationship Quality and Stability

• In general, research suggests that marriages that are homogamous in age, education, religion, and race are the happiest and most stable

  • This is also true for cohabiting couples

• Heterogamous marriages may create conflict between the partners and other groups, such as parents, relatives, and friends

• However, several studies do not support negative outcomes for interracial and inter-ethnic relationships

• Inter-religious marriages tend to be more stressful and less stable than homogamous ones

Meanderting Toward Marriage

• Young People today meander toward marriage, a feeling that they’ll be ready to marry when they reach their late twenties or so

• Assuming that adolescents begin exploring and pursuing romantic relationships in their teen years, the period in which premarital relationships can occur may last five, ten, or even twenty years and sometimes long

Dating Scripts

Highly gendered expectations that govern behavior in the getting to know you stage of dating relationships, with men and women having far different expectations about what happens during and after a date

Dating vs. Nondating

• Both men and women in the study said that a typical date involved three phases:

  • Initiation—meeting in a public place (class, party, or bar), casual talking, finding common interests, and calling for a date

  • The date itself

  • Outcome

• Nondating is generally sexual in nature and takes various forms such as “hooking up” or “friends with benefits”

• Daters referred to themselves as bf and gf, were close in age, reported that sex brought them closer, had relationships that tend to last months, told their friends

• Nondaters are the opposite of daters

• Traditional dating has been found to have positive effects such as higher self-esteem and better grades, hooking up is associated with risky behaviors such as alcohol misuse and engaging in sexual intercourse without a condom

Technology and Dating

• Impact has to do with how couples meet

• For some time, texting and instant messaging have been common forms of communication in romantic relationship

• Now, 75% of all US teens text

• When initiating a relationships, teens will text to share something funny or interesting or to flirt with a potential partner

• Among dating couples, texting and social media are viewed as places to make an emotional connection and publicize their romance

• They may also use texting to avoid confrontation or to hurt one another

• Because it is so new, the question of whether technology is good or bad for society for romantic relationships is unclear

• In a study of young adults, 18-25, in committed relationships, texting was associated with higher perceived relationship stability among women but negatively associated with perceived relationship stability among men

From Dating to Commitment

• Women were more likely to initiate marriage talk

• If one partner rejects the idea, then several responses can occur: in some cases one partner’s marriage hopes may be relinquished, although the relationship continues; in other cases, a partner may deliver an ultimatum

The Wheel of Love

• An idea developed by Ira Reiss in which love is seen as developing through a 4-stage, circular process, including rapport, self-revelation, mutual dependence, and personality need fulfillment

Rapport

• Feelings of mutual trust and respect

• Often established by similarity of values, interests, and background

Self-Revelation

• Gradually sharing intimate information about oneself

Mutual Dependency

• Stage of relationship in which two people desire to spend more time together and thereby develop interdependence

Need Fulfillment

• Stage of relationship development in which two people find they satisfy a majority of each other’s emotional needs with the result that rapport increases and leads to deeper self-revelation, more mutually dependent habits, and still greater need satisfaction

Dating Violence

• Idealizing love and one’s partner can lead to people unsatisfying, if not destructive, relationship

• Sometimes individuals need to make decision about continuing or ending a relationship that is characterized by physical violence, verbal abuse, or controlling and threatening behaviors

• In a study of 5,647 youth from 10 different schools, 23% of women and 35% of men reported being victims of physical violence

• LGBTQIA+ population have a higher incidence of experiencing physical and sexual violence and emotional abuse in dating relationships than do heterosexuals and cisgender people

• By far, the more serious injuries result from male violence against women

• Dating violence typically begins with and is accompanied by verbal or psychological abuse and tends to occur over jealousy with refusal of sex, after illegal drug use or excessive alcohol consumption, or when arguing about drinking behavior

• Teens who perpetrate violence in dating relationships are more likely to have experienced violence

• Abusive partners often use tech to track their partner’s activities and whereabouts

• About ½ of abusive dating relationships continue rather than being broken off, and IPV tends to continue into cohabitation and marriage

The Possibility of Breaking Up

• Some people fall fall in love, but may not stay in love

• Sometimes breaking up is a good thing

• The best breakups are straightforward and involve “open confrontation” rather than simply cutting off communication, starting fights, or using friends to communicate the desire to breakup

• Not having closure can prevent people from moving on

• Committed love will require some sacrifice but love should not hurt

• Breaking up is difficult, and men and women may remain emotionally invested in their partners for some time

• Partners must regain their sense of self after a breakup; failure to do so contributes to prolonged emotional distress

• Too much wallowing after a breakup can delay healing

• Helps to focus on the good aspects of the relationship and how the relationship encouraged personal growth

Nurturing Love and Committed Relationships

• It is important for couples to have realistic expectations for relationships

• Differences will arise because no two individuals have the exact same points of view

• From a developmental perspective, it is normal for adolescent and young adult relationships to be unstable as partners explore their own identities, personal goals, and what they want out of a relationship

• Choosing a supportive partner is an important factor in developing this kind of long term love and relationship satisfaction, and the vast majority of people list their romantic partner as the greatest source of happiness in their lives

For young adults, living with a parent differs by:

• Age (18-24 yrs vs. 25-29 yrs)

• Gender

• Race

• Region of U.S.

Living Arrangements of Singles

• Living with parents

  • 2020: more than half of youngest adults

  • More men than women

  • “Boomerangers”

• Living alone

  • More individuals living alone

    • 2018: 28% of US households

    • 1940: 8%

  • Increases with age, varies by gender

  • Can mean: isolation and loneliness OR freedom

  • Living Apart Together (LAT)

Non-Marital Cohabitation

• Dramatic increase over the past 50 yrs

  • About 70% of US adults approve (even if couple doesn’t plan to marry)

  • About 8 million different sex couples

  • About 412,000 same sex couples

  • Most (about 70%) younger than 45 yrs old

• Varying reasons and commitments:

  • Finances/convenience

  • Alternative to dating

  • Marriage trial

  • Prelude to marriage

  • Alternative to marriage

• More than ½ of cohabiting adults (ages 18-44) have children in the home

• More than ½ of non-marital births in US are to cohabiting mothers

• Compared to marrieds, cohabiters are...

  • Younger, less educated, less likely to own homes, more likely to have permissive attitudes about sex

• Does premarital cohabitation help or hurt marital stability?

  • No; what seems to be a critical factor?

    • Age at which you move in

      • “magic” age is 23 yrs old

• Relationship quality of “long-term” cohabiting couples similar to marrieds

  • But legal relationship remains different

    • Pg. 154-155 of textbook

• Outcomes for kids living with cohabiting parents?

  • Stability for kids important factor

Same Sex Couples

• Live in every US state

• Compared to different sex couples…

  • Similar couple dynamics and relationship quality

  • Committed same sex couples similar break-up rates as heterosexual marrieds

  • Some notable differences

    • Less likely to marry (sometimes to avoid hostility from family members)

    • Less likely to have kids (15% vs. 38%)

    • More quality and role sharing

    • Interpersonal prejudice

    • Institutionalized discrimination

Marital Status: Changing Picture

• Marriage rates have declined

  • Delay

  • Cohabitation

• Marriage Gap (graphic)

  • Likelihood to marry

How have US marriage laws and policies changes?

• 1839: Married Women’s Property Laws

• 1865: Previously enslaved people allowed to enter legally-recognized marriages

• 1967: Interracial marriage legal nationwide

  • US Supreme Court Case

    • Loving v. Virginia

• 1979: “Head and Master” laws repealed

• 1993: Marital rape illegal every state

Evolution of Marriage

• Movements from institutionalized to love (compassionate and individualized) marriage

• Individualism emerged in 18th century

• Increased focus on independence and pursuit of happiness

• Impacted marriage…

  • Authority of kin/extended family weakened

  • Individuals began finding own marriage partners

  • Romantic love now associated with marriage

Marriage Equality

• As of 2015, all 50 states allow same-sex couples to enter into legally recognized civil marriage

• 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA)

  • Defined marriage as between one man and one woman for federal purposed

    • Struck down in US v. Windsor (2013)

  • Said no state has to recognize marriage between same sex partners performed in another state

    • Struck down in Obergefell v. Hodges

Do most Americans support or oppose allowing same sex couples to marry legally?

Support

Religious v. Civil Marriage

• Religious: recognized by church

• Civil: government recognizes marriage

• Most people get both

• Same-sex couples wanted civil marriage, not religious

The Marriage Premise

• Expectations of Permanence:

  • Expect marriage to be life-long commitment

• Expectations of Sexual Exclusivity (i.e., monogamy)

  • Partners typically promise to have sexual relations only with each other

  • Extended to include emotional centrality

• According to the text, “what are three subcultures with norms contrary to sexual exclusivity?”

  • Polygamy/plural marriage, polyamory, swinging

Consensual Non-Monogamy

• Open relationship

  • Agreement that one or both partners may have sexual relationships outside of each other

  • Can have sexual encounters together (e.g., swinging) or independently

• Polyamory

  • Having emotionally and physically intimate, loving relationships with multiple people simultaneously

  • Not necessarily relationship hierarchy

• Polygamy/Plural Marriage

  • Having more than one spouse at a time

    • Polygyny: one husband, multiple wives

    • Polyandry: one wife, multiple husbands

  • Tied to religion (not mainstream Mormon)

  • True or false?

    • Polygamy is illegal in all 50 states in the US

      • True

Attachment Theory

• Relationships with parents/caregivers expectations for adult relationships

  • Secure

  • Insecure/anxious

  • Avoidant

• Secure attachment = better relationships skills?

• Change possible once conscious of style

The Importance of Self-Worth

• Self worth enhances ability to:

  • Establish and maintain relationships

  • Express oneself

  • Tolerate critic and be responsive to praise

• Moving beyond painful breakups requires:

  • Shift of focus back on self and own ability to give

Being Single

• What does it mean?

• US Census Bureau

  • Unmarried

    • Never married

    • Divorced

    • Widowed

• Many college students take “being single” as not being in a romantic relationship

• About 18% of singles cohabiting with partner

• More US adults are single (unmarried) now:

  • 1970: about 35% of US adults

  • 2023: almost 50%

Unpartnered Singles

• Who is more likely to be an unpartnered single?

  • Men or women

    • Men

  • Young (18-29) or older adults (65+)

    • Young adults

    • Graphics

  • High school grad or college grad?

    • High school grad

  • Straight or LGB

    • LGB

  • Ethinicity

    • Black people

Never Married Singles

• Most (>60%) singles have never been married

• Proportion of never-married grew

  • 1970: about 66% of young adults had never been married

    • 2017: 89%

  • Since 1960, share of never married adults (18+ yrs) doubled from 15% to more than 30%

Why increasing number of singles?

• Economic factors

  • Women: education and career opportunities

  • View that marriage should be affordable

• Technology

  • Contraception

• Sex ratio

  • 1910: 106 men for every 100 women

  • 2021: 97 men for every 100 women

• Cultural changes

  • “Emerging adulthood” (ages 18-29)

  • Non-marital sex more accepted (>70% of US adults approve)

  • Cohabitation more accepted

  • Marriage not only way to gain adult status

  • Marriage seen as less permanent

  • Changing social pressures

Widowed Individuals

• Factor for more single people

• Increasing because of longer life expectancies

• Widowed individuals consisted of 30% older women compared to 10% older men in 2020

Divorce Rates Between 1990 and 2010

• Divorce rates among Americans aged 50 and above doubles

Marital Status on LGBT Americans

• 10% of LGBT Americans were married to a same-sex partner, whereas 53% were single or never married in 2022

Romantic Relationships

• Love and commitment are not only for heterosexual married couples

• In the past and today, there are diverse single people who have formed intimate relationships beyond the binary

• Up through the 19th and early 20th century, social mores allowed men and women to develop romantic friendships

• Was regarded as a normal behavior that was socially accepted without a doubt among middle-class male youth

Women Romantic Friendships

• Some women chose to live with other women who shared similar life goals

• Although, they were criticized by patriarchal authority for living autonomous lives, those women who could financially support themselves were not forced to sacrifice their romantic friendships for heterosexual marriage

• Were promoted, and girls were encouraged to kiss, hold hands, and be openly affectionate as it was considered good training for marriage

Boston Marriage

• Concept in the second half of the 19th century referring to domestic unions of two women who cohabited independent of a man

Bromance

• Recently used to describe a new form of friendship between men based on intimacy

Delayed Marriage Reason: Demographic

• One growing proportion of singles is demographic

  • Ex. Black people within the US criminal justice system and being incarcerated, which delays marriage

• The proportion of 40 yr. olds who have never married was much higher for Black adults (46%) compared to White adults (20%), Hispanic (27%) and Asian (17%)

Economic Factors

• Today, young people increasingly view marriage as a status that needs to be financially affordable

• They feel they should be able to afford the trappings of a middle-class lifestyle, and a reasonable wedding, achieve financial stability, be debt free, and demonstrate fiscal responsibility

• Difficulty finding jobs and burdensome student loans mean that more young adults who would otherwise have married are currently cohabiting or remaining single

• Over 1 in 5 college students believed that marriage should be delayed, and nearly half believed childbearing should be delayed when young adults have student debt

Technological Factors

• Birth control

• Unwanted pregnancy

• Contributed to the decision to delay or forgo marriage

Social and Cultural Changes

• In the 1950s, an American in their early 20s was typically consumed by married and childbearing

• Today’s young Americans are pushing marriage further out in the future, and they spend their 20s exploring what may seem like an endless array of choices available to them with respect to love, education, work, and even where to live

• Attitude towards non-marital sex have changed drastically

• 71% of adults of all ages approve of sex outside of marriage

• Being single used to be considered not acceptable

• People in 1950s, characterized never-married pople as selfish or unattractive

• Divorce used to be stigmatized

• In 2019, 20% of Americans considered divorce morally wrong

• Emerging adulthood is also the time for many young adults to seek romantic relationships that allow them to balance their personal goals

• Only 1 in 5 parents responded that it is extremely important or very important for their children to get married (21%) whereas 88% of parents responded that it is extremely important or very important for their children to be financially independent

• Marriage has been less strongly defined as permanent, and some singles fear a possible divorce

Living Alone

• The likelihood of living alone increases with age for all racial and ethnic groups and is markedly higher for older women than for older men

• Asian and Hispanic people of all ages are less likely to live alone than are Black or Non-Hispanic White individuals

• For some, living alone is associated with social isolation, and loneliness, especially for oder people who are frail and cannot get out of the house and whose social network has diminished through the death of family and friends. Their adult children are also increasingly likely to live far away

• Social isolation depends on where a person lives, with less isolation and loneliness in neighborhoods

• There are alternatives for singles who desire both an intimate relationships and freedom at home

  • Living apart together

Living Apart Together

• Allows for unencumbered contact with adult children from previous relationships while protecting thier inheritance and offering freedom from caregiving as a prescribed duty. Separate homes allow a tangible line of demarcation in terms of gender equity

• Reason varied by gender

  • Men want to protect their leisure time

  • Women want to protect autonomy

• “New frontier in partnered relationships”

• Men and women in LAT relationships fulfill many functions of the family such as taking care of one another during times of illness, sharing meals, and spending time together

Boomerangers

• Adults who leave home and then return to live with their parents

Living with Parents

• Increased during Covid because of college campuses closing, or job loss, or other financial reasons

• Living with parents did not seem to negatively influence their romantic relationships, as 45% of Millennials and Gen Z responded that they would date someone living with their parents, and 38% said they would consider it

• Suggested that those who lived with their parents between the ages of 25 and 34 were significantly less likely to be homeowners or heads of the household 10 years later

• Not solely for financial reasons

• Emotional and financial support

  • Women who have babies

  • Formerly married people

  • When you experience a “turning point”

• Study that found that the majority of emerging adults surveyed (69%) received little or no financial support from their parents or only occasional support when needed

• Young adults may provide their families with “instrumental support” such as helping with repairs or watching younger siblings

Adulting

• Being skillful in the art of living

• Several books argue that today’s young adults have been coddled and spoiled since they were toddlers and have not developed the necessary skills to transition to responsible adulthood

• Young people choosing a slower path into adulthood, engaging in so-called slow life strategies, can be a smart choice because doing so means more time to prepare for career and family responsibilities

• Young adults tend to struggle with lack of affordable housing, gender discrimination, and cultural practices discouraging independent living

• Policy makers suggest adopting a life course perspective that sees a successful transition to adulthood as “a consequence of a series of intertwined life events” with the goal of young adults reaching residential, economic, and psychological independence

Communes

• Groups of adults and perhaps children, who live together, sharing aspects of their lives. Some communes are group marriages, in which members share sex; other are communal families, with several monogamous couples, who share everything except sexual relations and their children