sfl 160 byu final exam

Overt messages

explicit messages, words we use

covert messages

unspoken messages (ex. implicit communication, body language)

decoding

the process of interpreting covert messages

seeking meaning

listening is key, focusing on understanding the other person not thinking about a response or rebuttal

seeking clarification

asking for help; active listening; asking about unclear messages

seeking congruence

focusing on what we can do: lining up the covert and overt messages

Communication as Control

Using communication to attempt to change someone

Competitive communication

using comm. to win an argument or appear dominant

forms of unhealthy communication

criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling

criticism

blaming your partner

contempt

verbal or nonverbal communication that attempts to put your partner below

defensiveness

defending yourself in the face of a perceived attack

stonewalling

withdrawing from interaction

Healthy types of communication

seeking meaning (understanding), seeking clarification (asking for help), seeking congruence (combining overt with covert)

Conflict

a disagreement that is usually extended over a period of time

conflict resolution

how families resolve disagreements

Hierarchy of conflict

levels from bottom to top

exchange of daily events, discussion of ideas, expression of feelings, need for decision, decision making, problem solving, crisis

in the hierarchy of conflict, after which step is considered a conflict occurring?

between the expression of feelings and the need for decision

Development of Conflict Key

Key: unhealthy conflict resolution always involves unhealthy communication styles

What are the two common aspects of negative conflict resolution in relationships

1. linear causality model (initiation): my response is just a direct reaction to your negative communication.

2. Circular causality model (escalation): I respond negatively to my partner who then in turn responds even more negatively to me.

Sentiment Override

When our feelings or perceptions regarding the relationship influence our perception of communication messages.
unhealthy communication and conflict resolution in families often occur when emotions begin to interfere with healthy communication patterns.
Negative override: when our feelings or perceptions regarding the relationship influence our perception of communication messages
positive override: when positive perceptions of a person or relationship push us to assume the best about our partner.

Balance between intimacy and distance in families

task in being connected vs. being differentiated from one another

Intimacy

being close, familiar, or affectionate with another person.

Individuality & Intimacy

Individuality: being your own person,
intimacy: being affectionate and close with family members

this is a different way to view intimacy and distance in families

enmeshment

definition: a lack of tolerance for individuality, in the presence of high intimacy.

Enmeshed families

Key: in enmeshed families, personal boundaries become highly permeable and family boundaries become rigid

Breaking out of the enmeshment

two things need repairing:
personal enmeshment: blurring of me/ you boundary, needs to do personal exercises that promote healthy boundaries, and getting distance from the system
family enmeshment: breaking the family cycles → open communication + family goal = breaking enmeshment
avoiding the lack of cohesion

Circumplex Model

Cohesion (does the family system have buy in)
flexibility (how adaptable is the family when equilibrium is lost?)
communication (how to move from different areas of cohesion and flexibility)

Four levels of cohesion

disengaged: struggle with commitment and attachment
connected: time apart is more important but still family time, some family decisions.
cohesive: time together is valued as more important
enmeshed*: total loyalty demanded little private space

four levels of flexibility

rigid: one person in charge | very controlling environment
structured: few rule changes, rules enforced, less discussion (democratic)
flexible: shared roles, rules change to be more appropriate age
chaotic: limited or no leadership, decisions are impulsive, and roles shift from one to another

Gender Terms

Sex: refers only to male and female anatomy
gender: refers more broadly to the attitudes and behaviors expected of and associated with the two sexes.
gender identity: the way you view yourself as either male or female

gender roles: the things you do as you act out the role of being male or female.
Gender Stereotyping: broad cultural expectations held by individuals that a person behaves in ways because she or he is female or male.

Three Aspects on Our View on Gender:

Innate: premortal/pre-existing
biological: genetic and biological differences
experienced: interactions with others (parents/media)

Power

one who gets to make final decisions on family process. (one who has a large influence over others.

Four different types of Family Patterns in leadership

1. Husband dominant

2. Wife dominant

3. Syncretic - most of the family decisions are made by a joint decision between and the husband.

4. Autonomic - Fewer family decisions are made by a joint decision

ABC-X Model of Family stress

A= the stressor (can be small vs. large)
B= the family’s resources meeting the stressor (anything to help)
C=the perceptions of the family to the stressor (very predictive)
X=the crisis/ the reaction/degree of stress

Adaptation and resiliency

Resiliency: refers to people who benefit from stressful events (the crucible metaphor)
adaptation: process which people change their actions, thoughts, values, and tendencies in reaction to stress

Romantic Relationships

Contain a special type of intimacy = love
not fixed
strongly culturally driven
has unique anxieties and stresses

Modern changes to romantic relationships

marital relationship is becoming more important with a deemphasis on socialization and education
relationships have become less tied to religious authority
communication and dating have been radically altered by technology with more emphasis has been placed on getting expert advice.

Sternberg love triangles

Comprised of three things: commitment, intimacy, passion

Only Intimacy

liking

only passion

infatuate

commitment only

empty love

passion & commitment

Fatuous

Pasion and intimacy

Romantic

Intimacy and commitment

companionate

Intimacy, Commitment, and Passionate.

consummate

Lee’s love styles

agape, eros, mania, ludus, storge, agape, pragma

eros

passionate, erotic love

mania

obsessive, jealous love

ludus

just for fun love

storge

committed love

agape

selfless love

pragma

rational love

Role of Attraction

Often conceptualized as the catalyst for contact
men: more universal definition of attraction
women: more presonalized definition of attractoin

over time sex frequency diminishes but marriage satisfaction goes up