Abby Brewster - Arsenic and Old Lace (Act 3)

Martha: You stop doing that!

This is our house and this is our cellar and you can’t do that.

Martha: There’s no use your doing because it will just have to be undone.

I’ll tell you we won’t have it and you’d better stop it right now

Martha: All right! You’ll find out. You’ll find out whose house this is

I’m warning you! You’d better stop it! Hasn’t Mortimer come back yet?

Martha: No

Where do you suppose Mortimer went?

Martha: I don’t know, but he must be doing something—because he said to Johnathan, “You’ll just wait, I’ll settle this

Well, he can’t very well settle it while he’s out oh the house. That’s all we want settled—what’s going on there.

Mortimer: All right. Now, where’s Teddy?

Mortimer, where have you been?

Martha: Mortimer, what is the matter with you?

Running around getting papers signed at a time like this!

Martha: Do you know what Johnathan’s doing?

He’s putting Mr. Hoskins and Mr. Spenalzo in together

Mortimer: When he signs these commitment papers I can tackle Johnathan

What have they got to do with it?

Mortimer: You had to go and tell Johnathan about those twelve graves. If I can mack Teddy responsible for those I can protect you, don’t you see?

No, I don’t see. And we pay taxes to have the police protect us

Mortimer: I’ll be back down in a minute

Come, Martha. We’re going for the police

Mortimer: Because if you tell the police about Mr. Spenalzo they’d find Mr. Hoskins too, and that might make them curious, and they’d find out about the other twelve gentlemen

Mortimer. we know the police better than you do. I don’t think they’d pry into our private affiairs if we asked them not to

Martha: Oh, Judge Cullman would

We know him very well

Martha: He always comes to church to pray—just before election

And he’s coming here to tea some day. He promised

Martha: Oh, Abby, we must speak to him again about that. His wife died a few years ago and it’s left him very lonely

Well, come along Martha

Mortimer: No! You can’t do this. I won’t let you. You can’t leave this house and you can’t have Judge Cullman to tea

Well, if you’re not going to do something about Mr. Spenalzo, we are

Martha: You’ve got to get Johnathan out of this house

And Mr. Spenalzo, too!

Mortimer: Well you please let me do this my own way? I’ve got to see Teddy

If they’re not out of here by morning, Mortimer, we’re going to call the police

Martha: Well, Abby, that’s a relief

Yes—if Mortimer’s really going to do something at last, it just means Johnathan’s going to a lot of unnecessary trouble. We’d better tell him [Johnathan comes from cellar] Oh, Johnathan—you might as well stop what you’re doing

Johnathan: It’s all done. Did I hear Mortimer?

Well, it will have to be undone. You’re all going to be out of this house by morning. Mortimer’s promised

Johnathan: Good night, Aunties

Not good night, Johnathan. Good-bye. By the time we get up you’ll be out of this house. Mortimer’s promised

Johnathan: Then Mortimer is back?

Oh, yes, he’s up here talking to Teddy

Martha: Good-bye, Johnathan

Good-bye, Johnathan

Johnathan: Perhaps you’d better say good-bye to Mortimer

Oh, you’ll see Mortimer

Mortimer: This is Lieutenant Rooney

How do you do, Lieutenant? My, you don’t look like the fussbudget the policeman say you are.

Mortimer: And you haven’t met Mr. Witherspoon. He’s the Superintendent of Happy Dale

Oh, Mr. Witherspoon—how do you do?

Mortimer: Aunties—the police want Teddy to go there, today

Oh—no!

Rooney: I’m sorry, Miss Brewster, but it has to be done. The papers are all signed

We won’t permit it. We’ll promised to take the bugle away

Rooney: I’m sorry ladies, but he’s commited himself and he’s going

Well, if he goes, we’re going too

Rooney: It ain’t only his bugle blowing, but things are worse. Sooner or later we’d put to trouble of digging up your cellar

Our cellar?

Rooney: Yeah—your nephew’s been telling around that there are thirteen bodies down there

But there are thirteen bodies in our cellar

Martha: If that’s why you think Teddy has to go away—you come down to the cellar with us and we’ll prove it to you

There’s one—Mr. Spenalzo—who doesn’t belong here and will have to leave—but the other twelve are our gentlemen

Rooney: That’s right

Oh, you wouldn’t have to dig here. The graves are all marked. We put flowers on them every Sunday

Witherspoon: Well I—-

You come along with us, and we’ll show you the graves

Martha: Oh, if we can go with Teddy, we’ll sign the papers. Where are they?

Yes, where are they?

Klein: He’s coming around, Lieutenant

Good morning, Mr. Klein

signing the papers

I’m really looking forward to going—the neighborhood here has changed so.

Einstein signs papers

Were you leaving, Doctor

Witherspoon: When do you think you’ll be ready to start?

Well, Mr. Witherspoon, why don’t you go upstairs and tell Teddy just what he can take along?

Mortimer: I’ll show you

No, Mortimer, you stay here. We want to talk to you. Yes, Mr. Witherspoon, just upstairs and turn to the left

Martha: Well, Mortimer, now that we’re moving, this house really is yours

Yes, dear, we want you to live here now

Witherspoon exits

Mortimer—-Mortimer, we’re really very worried about something

Martha: Oh, yes, we’re very happy about the whole thing. That’s just it—we don’t want anything to go wrong.

Will they investigate the signatures?

Martha: It’s not his signature, dear, it’s yours

You see, you signed as next of kin

Martha: … You see, dear—you’re not really a Brewster

Your mother came to us as a cook—and you were born about 3 months afterward. But she was such a sweet woman—and such a good cook we didn’t want to lose her—so brother married her

Martha: Now don’t feel badly about it, dear

And Elaine, it won’t make any difference to you?

Mortimer: Yes, I need some coffee—I’ve had quite a night

In that case, I should think you’d want to get to bed

Officers pass me

Well, Johnathan, it’s nice to know you have some place to go

Martha: We’re leaving too.

Yes, we’re going to Happy Dale

Johnathan: I have a suggestion to make. Why don’t you turn this property over to the church?

Well, we never thought of that

Martha: Johnathan always was a mean boy. Never could stand to see anyone get ahead of him.

I wish we could show him he isn’t so smart! [Looks at Witherspoon] Mr. Witherspoon? Does you family live with you at Happy Dale?

Witherspoon: I have no family

Oh—

Witherspoon: I’m afraid you don’t quit understand. As head of the institution, I have to keep quite aloof

That must be very lonely for you.

Witherspoon: It does. But my duty is my duty

Well Martha— [Martha is getting wine while I say this next part] If Mr. Witherspoon won’t join us for breakfast, I think at least we should offer him a glass of Elderberry wine?

Witherspoon: … I though I’d had my last glass of it

Oh, no ——