Deck the Halls with Poison Ivy

Mrs. Top

(First Line)

I can’t believe I’m here.

I cannot believe I’m sitting here.

I’m not supposed to be here!

KRIS: Well you are, so deal with it.

I cannot believe you are so calm about this

CANDY: —Mrs. Tanenbaum suspended him ‘cause he tied some kid’s shoelaces together.

I can’t believe this!

They don’t give scholarships to students with records.

KRIS: —She’s really making us sweat here.

CAROL gives a huge groan.

CANDY: My dad’ll kill me if I get suspended.

CAROL gives a small whimper.

CANDY: Maybe she’ll go easy on us ‘cause it’s Christmas.

Oh wake up!

This is not a fairy tale!

This is a crisis!

She’s going to eat us for breakfast.

MRS. TANENBAUM: Quite.

students jump with surprise.

MRS. TANENBAUM: —Welcome to the Principal’s Office.

CAROL leaps to her feet.

Mrs. Tanenbaum we’re really sorry.

We’ll never do anything like this again.

Well I can only speak for myself really.

I know that I’m never going to do anything like this again,

especially as I am up for several scholarships next year and it was a fluke!

It was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I totally lost my head.

You can be sure that—

MRS. TANENBAUM: Sit down Carol.

CAROL, stopped in mid-sentence, clamps her mout hsut and sits.

MRS. TANENBAUM: —Do you or do you not?

STUDENTS: Yes Mrs. Tanenbaum. (1)

MRS. TANENBAUM: And your choir went to the Moverton Seniors’ home this afternoon to sing some Christmas carols, did it not?

STUDENTS: Yes Mrs. Tanenbaum. (2)

MRS. TANENBAUM: To sing some carols. Wasn’t that right?

STUDENTS: Yes.

MRS. TANENBAUM: —Were you not there to give them a little joy?

STUDENTS: Yes Mrs. Tanenbaum. (3)

CANDY: I guess so.

It was Kris, Mrs. Tanenbaum.

KRIS: Hey!

We were just innocent bystanders. She coerced us.

MRS. TANENBAUM: I thought not.

It doesn’t sound right when you say it like that.

MRS. TANENBAUM: Is she Kris?

[duck head down]

CANDY: (leaning over to KRIS) She’s not going to go easy on us is she?

[shoot up] We know it was a bad thing and it will never never happen again.

MRS. TANENBAUM:Were they enjoying themselves? Futhermore…

Oh boy.

MRS. TANENBAUM: Carol! You got an A in English last year didn’t you?

Uh huh.

MRS. TANENBAUM: Aren’t you in the drama club?

Yeah, but—

MRS. TANENBAUM: Do you have at least one creative bone in your body?

Of course I do but—

MRS TANENBAUM: —”Deck the halls with cows and collies,” What’s next?

Mrs. Tanenbaum, are you feeling alright? Should we go get the nurse?

MRS. TANENBAUM: That’s the spirit!

Candy! [stand]

CANDY, KRIS, and MRS. TANENBAUM: Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la. They look to CAROL.

I am not participating.

I want to go on record as not participating.

MRS. TANENBAUM, CANDY, and KRIS: Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la.

I am never doing anything wrong ever again.

They say going to the principal’s office is H E double hockey stick and boy are they right.

KRIS: Come on Carol, stop being such a priss.

I am not a priss, I just don’t think this is appropriate.

CANDY: You did it this afternoon.

I was clearly insane, just like you are now.

KRIS: (chanting) Carol, Carol, Carol, Carol—

I will not be coerced. [move DS]

MRS. TANENBAUM: (joining in with KRIS) Carol, Carol, Carol—

Mrs. Tanenbaum!

CANDY: (joining in) Carol, Carol, Carol—

ALL RIGHT. If I see an opening, I’ll jump in.

KRIS: (Singing) Fast away the lunch it passes.

I so know where this is going. [quickly]

KRIS: Watch out for those noxious gasses.

ALL: Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la.

CANDY: Eat too fast and you’ll be sorry.

ALL: Fa-la-la, la-la-La, La-la.

CAROL: Hope that it’s not auditory. [move DSC]

EVERYONE: Fa-la-la-la-la, La-la-la-la.

KRIS: Mrs. T! This rocks!

It’s good you’re not upset with us.

Especially with some of us up for scholarships next year.