Social Psych- Romantic Relationships

romantic relationships

one of the most impactful adult relationships for well-being and functioning

- "attachment relationships of adulthood"

attraction

the desire to approach or be with someone

initial attraction

we are attracted to others with whom a relationship is directly or indirectly rewarding

factors of initial attraction

1. familiarity

2. similarity

3. reciprocity

4. secrecy/misattribution

5. attractiveness

familiarity

liking those we encounter frequently

proximity

being physically nearby

- accentuator of relationships

similarity

we like people who are similar to us

dominance-submissiveness dynamic

complementary relationship

dominant

take-charge partner

submissive

background partner

perceived similarity

degree of similarity that people believe exists between them

- maybe more important than actual similarity

implicit egotism

people's positive self-views influence their evaluations of things associated with the self (non-conscious process)

reciprocity

liking those who like us

dyadic reciprocity

liking that is uniquely shared between two people

- good for platonic and romantic

generalized reciprocity

liking that is shared among everyone who like each other in return (non-specific)

- only good for platonic

secrecy

keeping a new relationship secret can promote attraction

misattribution of arousal

when we attribute physiological arousal to the wrong source

- ex: arousal from dangerous task = sexual arousal?

matching

people tend to date/marry others of similar attractiveness

mate value

our overall attractiveness as reproductive partners

Why does matching occur?

- people avoid rejection

- internalize "mate value" --> only pursue people who have same value

- attractive people pair off = off market

What does attractiveness indicate about health?

More attractive indicates good health.

Why are we attracted to more attractive people?

Markers of fertility indicate better mates.

negative stereotypes of beauty

attractive people are vain/promiscuous

How does attractiveness of weight change?

When food is harder to get »» heavier > thinner

1 cross cultural attractive measure

symmetrical face

Men prefer...

Women with youthful faces

Women prefer...

masculine --> fertile

youthful --> not fertile

women's "ideal" proportions

waist : hip = 0.7

men's "ideal" proportions

waist/shoulder : hip = 0.9

Who cares about attractiveness more?

Men

self-monitoring

being attuned to the way one presents oneself in social situations and adjusting one's performance to create the desired impression

high self monitors

care more about physical attractiveness than low self-monitors

How does attractiveness relate to overall happiness/satisfaction?

attractiveness does not predict happiness in relationships and individually

functions to achieve felt security

1. proximity

2. safe haven (emotionally safe)

3. secure base (support goals)

effect of spousal hand-holding

decreased anticipated unpleasantness of shock

- especially if wife and husband are closely bonded

adult attachment

- symmetry of caregiving

- felt security without physical contact

- proximity promoted by anxiety, caregiving, sexual arousal

childhood attachment

- non symmetrical caregiving

- felt security mostly by physical contact

- proximity promoted mostly by anxiety

differences in adult attachment

- stem from childhood attachment

- stem from early romantic relationships (more impactful)

secure attachment

"preferred" attachment

- comfy intimacy and no abandonment issues

avoidant attachment

deactivating strategy

- uncomfy intimacy and no abandonment issues

- disengagement from relationship

- behavioral processes

anxious ambivalent attachment

hyperactivating strategy

- comfy intimacy and abandonment issues

- vigilant to threats to relationship

- motivational and affective processes

fearful avoidance attachment

high uncomfy intimacy and abandonment issues

Are attachment styles fixed?

No; can change over time

passionate love

- swift onset

- short duration (fades over time)

- idealization

- cognitive preoccupation (obsession)

- volatile and extreme moods/reactions

- sexual desire

- elevated levels of platelet serotonin transporter

companionate love

- durable

- trust: partner responds well

- care

- respect: partner supports goals

- friendly

- emotional intimacy

understanding (emotional intimacy)

belief that partner accurately perceives him/her

validating (emotional intimacy)

belief that partner values and appreciates his/her inner self

caring (emotional intimacy)

belief that partner cares about him/her

Sternberg's Triangle

1. intimacy: friendly

2. passion: infatuation (hookup)

3. commitment: empty (old couples)

intimacy + passion

romantic love

- early relationship (no commitment)

passion + commitment

fatuous love

- foolish »» Romeo and Juliet

intimacy + commitment

companionate love

- committed friendship between spouses

shape of triangle

kind of love

- stretched one way = stronger factor

size/area of triangle

amount of love

- smaller = less love

Why is conflict inevitable?

1. People differ in moods/preferences (interdependent)

2. Certain tensions always cause strain

perceived rejection or illegitimate demands

hurt feelings or unreasonable demands

negative affect reciprocity

responding negatively to negative partner behavior

Gottman's 4 Horsemen

1. Criticism

2. Contempt

3. Defensiveness

4. Stonewalling

criticism

Pointing out faults or shortcomings

- "you never..." or "you always..."

contempt

disrespect, belittling, or disdain

- mockery, name calling

defensiveness

Putting up an emotional guard against negative opinion

- cross complaining, avoiding responsibility

stonewalling

withdrawing from a conversation

- shutting down

taking a break

revisit the issue after calming down

divorce rate

40-50% of first marriages

Where is divorce rate higher?

- higher female labor participation

- greater proportion of women to men (low sex ratio)

- more socioeconomically developed nations

changing social norms that impact divorce

- marriage = love

- cohabitation

- acceptance of divorce

- easier to obtain divorce

predictors of relationship dissolution

- high rejection sensitivity

- commitment level

- 4 horsemen

effects of divorce

- higher mortality if not remarried

- emotional distress/poor mental health in children and adults

How resilient are people after divorce?

more resilient than we think we are

- including children

- problems when divorce is messy

cognitive maintenance

- perceived superiority

- alternative derogation

- reappraisal of conflict

perceived superiority

people consider their relationships to be better than most

alternative derogation

ignoring partner alternatives

reappraisal of conflict

reframing conflict to work through it more easily

behavioral maintenance

- fight well

- social support

- play

fighting well

avoid negative affect and 4 horsemen

social support

safe haven for partner (emotional support)

play

secure base/proximity (have fun/spend time with partner)