ROCK OF AGES TEEN EDITION: DREW BOLEY LINES

Act 1 Scene 1

LONNY: …Man, back in the day if you had a dream, and a decent amount of hair, there was nowhere else to be.

Yeah, right.

Act 1 Scene 1

LONNY: …That’s our boy, Drew Boley.

Actually, I prefer my stage name, Wolfgang Von Colt!

Act 1 Scene 1

LONNY: …Course as I told you before, all the guy really wants to do is rock your face off like Sebastian Bach.

Ya-ya-ya-yeeeoooooooowwwwww!

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: …Ow! Hey! Stop!!

Hey!!! You okay?

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: I was just mugged!

Come on, let’s get you some ice. Sorry about your purse.

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: It’s okay. I didn’t really have anything in there. I’m Sherrie.

Wolfgang Von Colt.

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: I’m sorry?

Or Drew… You just visiting?

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: Actually, I think I’m here for good.

Yeah?

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: IT’S TRUE! YEAH!

Well, welcome to L.A.!

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: Shut up! You work at the Bourbon Room? This place is like famous!

Let’s get that ice.

Dennis, this is Sherrie.

Act 1 Scene 2

LONNY: What a shocker.

Hey, maybe we could hook Sherrie up with a job?

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: Ohmygosh! Are you kidding? I’d love a job!

Just until you make it big, of course.

Act 1 Scene 2

MOTHER: AND YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE TO SAY…

Hey, you want a drink or something? I was gonna go get a Slurpee. You want one?

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: I love Slurpees!

So do I!

Act 1 Scene 2

SHERRIE: No shit.

I say “No shit!”

Act 1 Scene 2

FEMALE ENSEMBLE: HOW CAN I RESIST?

Be right back. Cherry okay?

Act 1 Scene 3B

DENNIS: Maybe it’s time to cash it in—

Whoa, Dennis?! What are you saying?!

Act 1 Scene 3B

DENNIS: IS IT ANY WONDER I’M SANE AT ALL?

You do wash your hands a lot.

Act 1 Scene 3B

DENNIS: Hold the phone! Youguys see who’s in today’s paper?!

John Sununu?

Act 1 Scene 3B

DENNIS: Nice mid 80s political reference, but no. High five. Right here!

Monster rockers, Arsenal, are breaking up. According to sources, lead singer, Stacee Jaxx, will leave the band after this tour to pursue a solo career—

Act 1 Scene 3B

LONNY: The last Arsenal show here?!

Really?

Act 1 Scene 4

(start of scene)

What are you doing?

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: Dramalogue said they’re having an open call for… “Smokey and the Bandit Part 3.” Figured I’d go down and try out.

Wow, right off the bus and hittin’ auditions. Pretty cool.

Act 1 Scene 4

Well, I ain’t gonna make it sitting on my butt, right?

Guess that’s true.

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: So where you from, Drew?

Detroit… Michigan.

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: I know where Detroit is. So, you come out here to be a rockstar, Wolfgang?

Oh, I don’t know. I guess

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: Guess? There’s no “guess.” You want something? You wanna be one of those multi-platinum gods? You gotta just take it.

Okay.

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: Okay, what?

Sure, yes I’d like—

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: “Like” nothing. Forceful. Right now. What’s bustin’ out of your heart, Drew? What do you want?

I… I don’t know. I guess I want…

Act 1 Scene 4

Come on! Don’t think. First thing that comes out of your mouth!

Well…

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: Say it, Wolfgang!!

I WANNA ROCK!

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: Okay, I get it!!

Sorry. I guess I got a little excited.

Act 1 Scene 4

WAITRESS #1: Phone?!

Hey, Sherrie. Listen, I was thinkin’—

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: My mom!? Oh, I’d better tell her about my audition!

Well, real quick, I was wondering, I mean, if you’re not busy and have absolutely nothing better to do, I thought maybe—-

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: Are you asking me out?

I think so.

Act 1 Scene 4

SHERRIE: How ‘bout tomorrow night?

Tomm… Okay, yeah sure!

Act 1 Scene 6A

HILDA: Franz!

CLOSER TO A… DUM, DUN, DUM, DUM—

Act 1 Scene 6A

LONNY: …Our opener for the Arsenal show dropped out.

So wait, that means the slot’s open?

Act 1 Scene 6A

DENNIS: Easy, tiger.

I’m only saying… If you’re auditioning—

Act 1 Scene 6A

LONNY: There’s gotta be someone.

But I’ve been writing, Dennis. Killer stuff. Seriously!

Act 1 Scene 6A

DENNIS: Four songs. Sound check’s at six. And I need you behind the bar right after your set.

So you mean… ?

Act 1 Scene 7A

SHERRIE: I still can’t elieve you’re opening for Arsenal. This is so cool!

Yeah, I owe it all to you.

Act 1 Scene 7A

SHERRIE: No. You owe it to “Wolfgang Van Colt.”

It’s actually Von Colt.

Act 1 Scene 7A

Sorry. Drew? I have a confession. I… I’m actually kinda nervous.

With me?

Act 1 Scene 7A

SHERRIE: Yeah.

Don’t worry, it’s cool. I mean, look, we’re just a couple friends, right? Lookin’ at stars, laughing. No pressure.

Act 1 Scene 7A

LONNY: Oh man, he’s gonna kick himself later for that “friend” crap. The curse of the nice guy.

Oh crap! What time is it?

Act 1 Scene 7A

Um, eight something?

I totally forgot, I told Mark I would pick up his shift.

Act 1 Scene 7A

SHERRIE: Oh… Okay.

I’m such an idiot.

Sherrie, I think you’re really rad.

Act 1 Scene 8

SHERRIE: I know. Look at his skin. I bet he eats super healthy.

Hey, Sherrie… Waitress #1, #2, #3. Listen, I was home and I made you a mix tape. Got some Vixen, RATT, a killer Badlands live cut.

Act 1 Scene 8

STACEE: That’s so beautiful.

Hey, Sherrie! Listen, can I talk to you a sec?
Hye man, big fan.

Act 1 Scene 10A

DREW: I KNOW YOU CAN SHOW MEEEE!

Thanks. Thanks, Lonny. I got one more song then we’ll get Arsenal up here.
I wrote this last one for…a friend.

Act 1 Scene 10C
JA’KEITH: Great set tonight. Ja’Keith Gill, Two Star Entertainment. Dig your sound. Really ahead of your time, kid.

Serious?

Act 1 Scene 10C

JA’KEITH: Always. Let me ask you something… You like washin’ glasses?

I don’t know. Guess it could be worse.

Act 1 Scene 10C

DREW, JA’KEITH: OH NO!

Yeah!!!

Act 1 Scene 10D

Get up there, kid! Finish the night and show ‘em what a real star is!

I couldn’t. I…

Act 1 Scene 10D
JA’KEITH: You’re gonna have so many chicks on you!!!

What’s up everyone! I’m Wolfgang Von Colt and this one’s for the ladies!
One, two, three, four!

Act 1 Scene 10D

DREW, ENSEMBLE: WILD, WILD, WILD!

Thank you. Thank you Los Angeles!!

Act 1 Scene 10D
ENSEMBLE: OH YEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

And by the way, Dennis. I Quit!!!

ACT 2 SCENE 14
JA’KEITH: Plan B!! Total Reinvention!!!

But… I wanna rock?

Act 2 Scene 16

(scene start)

I don’t know, Ja’Keith. I’m not really a boy band kid of guy, and I don’t usually wear epaulets.

Act 2 Scene 16

JA’KEITH: This isn’t just any boy band. This is “Street Boyz” with a “Z”, and you’re it’s lead singer, Joshy J!

Yeah, Joshy J. Well, what about Wolfgang Von Colt?

Act 2 Scene 16

JA’KEITH: Too ethnic. Now we got a Tiger Beat shoot at four, then at six we’re at the label to go over concepts for your nationwide mall tour!!

Mall tour? But Ja’Keith, I, y’know…I wanna rock?

Act 2 Scene 16

JA’KEITH: You were out there! You saw! The rock didn’t work so… You’re a street boy now!

Um, Ja’Keith, I, ah, forgot something back at my apartment so… I’m gonna leave, ‘kay?

Act 2 Scene 16

JA’KEITH: Don’t forget, Tiger Beat at four!!

How could I forget.

Act 2 Scene 17

PRODUCER: …Think about it.

I WANNA ROCK

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: …Drew? Oh my God, I… How are you?

Sherrie. I’m fine. And you?

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: Good… Great, actually.

Oh yeah? So the acting? That going well?

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: Yeah. I was actually meeting with a pretty big producer at, ah, Orion Pictures. Think it could really lead to… something.

That’s great. Well, you take care, Sherrie.

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: Wait. What about you? Your music?

Um… I got a new band. Street Boyz…with a Z. Gonna be huge. Got a tiger beat shoot and everything.

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: Tiger Beat? That’s a departure from rock, isn’t it?

Yeah, well, I guess sometimes people change their minds about things, people they like, Slurpees…

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: Hold on, you’re mad at me?!

I think I’m entitled.

Act 2 Scene 17
SHERRIE: If you remember you’re the one who turned your back on me the minute I was fired! Buddy, it took em a long time to get over—

Turned my back on you?! Time out! What about Stacee Jaxx!

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: You said we were just “friends!” Y’know, “just drinkin’ Slurpees?!”

I never said that!

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: I was crazy about you.

You were?

Act 2 Scene 17
SHERRIE: Goodbye, Drew.

Sherrie…?

This is a tape I made for you. Maybe give it a listen. It’s about you.

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: I’m scared…

No, it’s good stuff.

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: I’m a dancer and a server at the Venus-A-Go-Go

My manager dressed me like this and that’s the first demo tape anyone’s taken off my hands.

I better go.

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: You are so stupid.

Why did you say “friends"!?”

Act 2 Scene 17

SHERRIE: He wrote me a song?

She was crazy about me?

Act 2 Scene 25

(start scene)

Somebody order a pizza?

Act 2 Scene 25
JUSTICE: Hey, you’re Sherrie’s guy. She was right, you are a cutey.

I think you’re mistaking me for Stacee Jaxx?

Act 2 Scene 25

JUSTICE: Guess you didn’t stick around to see her knock ‘em out.

Right. You expect me to believe she hit Stacee Jaxx?

Act 2 Scene 25

JUSTICE: You don’t have to believe me. She loves you, kid.

You mean… Well, can I talk to her?

Act 2 Scene 25

LONNY: What’s going on, Drew?

Lonny? What are you doing here?

Act 2 Scene 25

LONNY: Well, I’m not just a sound guy, Drew. I also happen to be a narrator. A dramatic conjurer!

I don’t get it.

Act 2 Scene 25
LONNY: “Rock of Ages.” It’s the musical you’re in.
It’s not important. What is important is your happiness, kid.

Dramatic conjurer? So you’re the one that took my dream, my girl, crapped on ‘em both, then put me in a boy band?!

Act 2 Scene 25

LONNY: Actually the book writer did. I just conjured—

Dude, I didn’t get one thing I wanted!

Act 2 Scene 25
LONNY: …Instead I was hired to narrate a show with “poop jokes” and Whitesnake songs!!

And are you happy?

Act 2 Scene 25
LONNY: …And Debbie Gibson!

I think it’s Deborah now.

Act 2 Scene 25

LONNY: …You want something, you can’t just wish for it.

I know.

Act 2 Scene 25

LONNY: So screw the writer! Time to make your own destiny! What’s really gonna make you happy?

Sherrie.

Act 2 Scene 25
LONNY: It ain’t midnight yet.

SHERRIE!!!

Act 2 Scene 28
DREW: HOLD ON, HOLD ON!

No seriously, hold on.

Act 2 Scene 28

SHERRIE: I TOOK FOR GRANTED

THE FRIEND I HAD IN YOU…

I am not your friend.

Act 2 Scene 30

I still think that should be you up there.

I’d rather be here any day.