CRS 1 Dec Exam

conflict

an expressed struggle between at least 2 interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals

Intrapersonal

·      internal strain that creates a state of ambivalence, conflicting internal dialogue, or lack of resolution in ones thinking and feeling – accompanies interpersonal struggle

o   Intrapersonal conflict is an internal struggle within a single person, such as a dilemma between two conflicting beliefs or feelings,

interpersonal

·      people react as though there are genuinely different goals, there is not enough of some resources, and the other person actually is getting in the way of something prized by the perceiver

o   Interpersonal conflict is a disagreement between two or more people with differing opinions, values, or goals

interdependence in conflict

·      the dependence of two or more people or things on each other.

o   disagreements arising from mutual reliance, where one party's actions directly impact another's ability to achieve their goals

PIGS

o   : either have some goal, and perceive this to be scarce, so they fight over it or have different goals which they believe cannot coexist. Sometimes actually incompatible, sometimes not.

Scarce Resources

o   includes affection, money. May or may not be so but perception that smth is scarce creates conflict. Better to change perception of resource instead of reallocating. Often power and self esteem.

interference

needed for conflict, prescence of person interferes with desired actions, conflict intensifies (blocking)

4 horsemen

critizing, defensiveness, stonewalling, contempt

criticism

starting argument w criticism will lead to unproductive conflict resolution. Instead use I statements, describe unwanted behavior, use neutral non judgey language, ask for behavioral change

defensiveness

§ trying to protect themselves. To get rid, listen and learn abt oneself and the other. Implies u r protecting urself from war/attack metaphor from conflict. Sometimes ppl do bc they like the game of conflict

·      Evaluate instead of describing, don’t blame

·      Control instead of problem solving

·      Strategy instead of spontaneous

·      Neutrality instead of empathy

·      Superiority rather than empathy

·      Certainty rather than provisionalism

stonewalling

show that they are not there by glancing away, stiff body language. Hiding what think n feel. Signals withdrawal from conflict while still being present in a convo, in destructive way. Refuse to engage in topic no matter how much its brought up.  

To rid of it: drastic measures, be blunt. If it does not work and they are rude, say talk later but if continues relationship over

contempt

any statement or non-verbal behavior that puts oneself on a higher plane than ones partner; nasty mockery, put downs, hostile corrections, non verbal expressions of contempt, sarcasm, ridicule.

·      To rid of it: tell them to change or u take break till they get better. Can lead to abuse, do not escalate

escalatory spirals

o   fight patterns. one person interprets others communication as negative/threatening, negative conflict spirals fast. Self perpetuating dynamics create (1) the behaviors, (2) perceptions of others, (3) perceptions of relationship (continue to disintegrate). Constantly worsening conflictavo

avoidance spirals

o   flight patterns. One form is trying to lessen dependance on each other, lessening how invested they are in their relationship, lessening expectations as a result of limited daily interactions. Increases distance

• Less direction interaction -> active avoidance of other party -> reduction of dependance -> harboring of resentment of disappointment -> complains to 3^rd person abt party

avoidant-dismissive

Values independence over closeness, avoids emotional intimacy, dismisses or downplays important of relationships and conflict

anxious preoccupied

Craves closeness and intimacy fears abandonment, leading them to be overly dependent on others for reassurance and validation

disorganized

Mixed feelings about closeness, wants intimacy but also fears it, a result of trauma or inconsistent caregiving.

avoidant systems

o   conflict not there, don’t recognize it, figure it out by urself, don’t tell ppl abt struggles, walk away if uncomfy, don’t raise voice, snide comments ignored but resentment builds, sulking and silent treatment needed, if have concern don’t respond, don’t express strong feelings.

collaborative

o   : have meetings/mealtimes to discuss issues, use good listening styles when someone has concern, deal with people directly, say poenly what you are feeling, help offered in resolving childrens conflicts, regulat interaction important, dirty tricks like sulking no, encourage and model respective communication, strong feelings normal allowed

aggressive/coercive

o   rely on force, domination, and intimidation to handle conflict

topic goals

o   The issue or subject, what the person wants

relational goals

o   How the people involved relate to eachother, and their goals for how they want their relationship to progress

identity goals

o   How the conflict affects personal values and a persons sense of self; how they wish to be perceived by others

process goals

o   How they deal with thee conflict

prospective goals

before conflict, what you wish to get afterwards; hopes

transactive

during conflict, mutual understandings and solutions

retrospective

reflecting after the comment, focusing on past events

bases of power (currencies)

if you have something the other values, it puts you in a powerrful position based off that thing (car, time, etc)

designated power

o   power a person gets based off of their authority officially given to them by their position or role

RICE

resource control, interpersonal linkages, communication skills, expertise

resource control

o   : power from controlling valuable resources (money, tools, information)

interpersonal linkages

power from connections, networks, or alliances

communication skills

o   : power from effectively persuading, influencing, or conveying ideas

expertise

o   power from knowledge, skills or specialized competence

distressed system graph

o   Upside down triangle: Power on top, rights in middle, interests at bottom

effective system graph

o   Right side up triangle: Power on top, rights in middle, interests at bottom

obliging conflict styles

o   puts others needs above their own to keep harmony and avoid conflict

avoiding conflict style

o   person withdraws or sidesteps conflict, neither pursuing their own goals or addressing the other persons

compromising conflict style

o   : both parties give something up to reach mutual agreement

integrating

o   both people work together to find a solution that fully meets everyones needs

dominating

o   person asserts their own goals at the expense of others, seeking to win the conflict

why emotions pleasant or unpleasant not good or bad

o   All emotions are needed. Fear unpleasant but protects us, anger unpleasant but leads to change such as protests!

misconceptions on emotion in conflict

o   Ppl think leave out emotions, but they r needed because they affect your body. Felt, physiological experience that affects your thinking and behavior