Baghdaddy Zoo

Go on then. (She doesn't go.)

Go on.

Shall I go outside then?

No! Use the one in the kitchen.

That's Mum’s cleaning bucket.

Just use it.

I'm bursting.

Go on then!

Go on then! (Hakim & me)

Can you hear, how quiet it is?

It stinks in here.

Yeah. It's you.

Shut up. No it isn't, it's Sabeen; she stinks of wee. I bet she's missed the bucket.

Stop it.

Leyla, when's mum and dad coming back?

I don't know. But they will. She said.

Hospital got hit on the second day. Direct hit.

Farah, will you stop it?

Farah, will you stop it? (My line)

Sabeen, you alright? (Calling off)

Sabeen: I'm thirsty.

Hakim: And me.

We all are.

It turns but there's still nothing in it. It just gurgles. I wanted to wash my hands.

Spit on them and wipe them on your leggings.

Well, stupid, there's a whole bucketful out there, Farah. Go on, get drinking. Like lemonade, very tasty.

I'm gonna whack you two if you don't stop it.

I think I should go home.

Your mum told you to wait; and I'm in charge, so stay put.

Hakim: And mine.

Farah: I think-

Well don't. Farah, we've had days and days of you being a pain and it's doing our heads in. Hakim, go get a pencil.

Why?

Cos I say.

Me: Cos I say.

(Hakim gets pencil)

Sabeen, write a message on the bottom of the table. Go on. “Dear Mum and Dad, we waited. And now we're hungry. We've eaten everything in the house apart from the stuff in the fridge. That all went bad when the electricity went off. So… we've gone to get some more.”

HAKIM: Where’re we going?

“Back before dark.” Sign it, Leyla

Leyla, why under the table?

Cos if the soldiers come in I don't want them to find a message do I?

Do your mum and dad always look under the table for notes then?

Just in case.

Just in case of what? They don't come back?

I'm not leaving a note saying “Dear American soldiers, we’re four kids, on our own, so wait here then slit out throats when we get back.” Ok?

Me: “…then slit our throats when we get back” Ok?

Pause.

Ok?

Did you ask Sabeen to write it cos your handwriting is so crap?

I'm gonna kill you in a minute! Come on. Hakim, hold Sabeen’s hand. We're going out.

Your mum is gonna kill you.

Let's keep moving.

Stealing stuff like that, she'll go mad.

Everybody else was doing it.

She'll still kill you.

It's not like before Farah. Since we went under the table the world has gone mad. There are no shops open. There are no rules.

I'm starving. Let's eat, let's drink.

We will. We're just looking for somewhere safe, off the street.

Only cos you did.

Leave it, will you! Stick together, follow me.

Where was the owner do you think?

He's dead, that's what the bloke with the stick said.

Is that true?

I don't know.

I thought he was gonna whack us.

GUN GUN GUN

Come on, through here.

We can't. You have to buy a ticket. What about the keepers?

Just act normal. If anyone asks, we'll say we got lost or something.

That'll be Sabeen.

Shut up!

Who says?

I thought you were starving.

We can't give it away.

Everybody stop! Stop feeding them. Stop! Now all of you, sit down.

(She waits for them all to sit and be quiet.)

Now get the food out. Eat.

But-

Eat!

There's no water in their bowls either. What're we gonna do, Leyla?

I'm thinking.

It's all right for them to die. They're not human. An animal is not worth as much as-

Farah, shut up for God’s sake!

Lost Man: Hunt then down and see them dead

(They exit. The children have finished eating)

Take one bit of food, just one, and put it in your pocket for emergencies. The rest is for the animals. Sabeen and me, we'll do the feeding. You two, go and get some water.

Come on Brownie. It's me, remember? Me and my brother, we come and see you in the holidays.

Don't put your fingers near the bars.

He's not eating it.

Push it closer with a stick.

He wants it, but he can't.

(To offstage) Hurry up with that water.

Yeah, she can drink a bucketful in one go. I've seen her, haven't we Sab. She picks it up in her paws; she's dead clever.

We'll have to bring water up from the canal.

Farah: To eat.

Sabeen: Leyla?

Course they haven't.

Where's the zookeepers?

They've run away, haven't they? Too scared to stay.

We have to.

People can't just put animals in a cage and then leave ‘em, just cos things have gone a bit bad.

By the shop I saw a man with his face all-

Shut up, Sabeen.

Maybe Mum and Dad are-

Shut up will you!

Farah’s right. It's more than a bit bad. Leyla, what are we gonna do?

I dunno. Maybe we go home, wait for mum and dad, then after the fighting’s stopped-

Tire, yats ayaw.

(Children are away from the bags and away from the soldier)

It's for the animals. It's food. They are-

They're frightened, just like the animals. You have to not make eye contact and not move quickly. Talk in a quiet voice.

(Soldier line)

We are just feeding the bear. Food. To. Bear.

I won't.

Sabeen keep up.

(He sees..) Oh no.

What? What?

They must have escaped, gone out to find water.

(Children look at each other)

Let's sort the rest. Farah get some water.

What is it with you and wee? It's just wee.

Wash it out in the canal; then we'll make a human chain. All the way from there to here. We'll feed the lions first. He looks really sad today.

Don't forget Brownie.

We won't.

What's that for?

Just because, idiot.

My dad’ll kill us for wasting all this food. There's people starving you know. Us. And we're feeding a bunch of flea bag animals.

And whose fault is that? People can't lock ‘em up then leave ‘em.

Let's get started, the chain thing.

We need some people to take the buckets and get started. All the way from there to here. Let's start. Now.

Urghh, it's stagnant. She can't drink that.

It's all there is.

Here you are, Missus Lion.

Pour it through the bars into the trough.

Me: Pour it through the bars into the trough.

(They do)

Now push it closer, with the stick.

We haven't got any meat for her. She won't eat potatoes. There is no meat. Nowhere.

Hakim, there was a dead cat on the road.

Me: …there was a dead cat on the road.

Hakim: Urgh.

You go with Farah and get it.

Does it take two of us to carry a dead cat?

No, but two is safer than one.

You said no splitting up.

It's only the other side of the wall and down the road. And you two will be together; you won't be split up. We'll carry on with the water and the feeding.

And you Brownie.

All of you. Just hang on till the car stops and Mum and Dad’ll be back and then everything will be OK. Our dad likes animals.

Here you are kitty, kitty. Din-dins.

Urghh, that's mank.

We should take it back to her. Tell her it's her new flat-mate. Get it? Flat.. mate.

Not funny. Hakim, throw it in.

Me: Not funny. Hakim, throw it in.

(He does, the lion eats it)

See, she's eating it. She's getting better.

Now look what you've done.

(Leyla walks up to Farah)

Farah…. Let's stop, shall we. We're all upset. Let's just stop.

Sabeen: I always wanted to be a zookeeper.

Hakim: And me.

Course, everyone wants to be a zoo keeper. And when the war’s over the proper keepers’ll come back and see what we've been doing, that we saved Brownie and the rest of ‘em. And they'll give us jobs.

And another bear to keep Brownie company.

And fix the cages.

And we'll get some penguins and throw them fish.

And get some fish and throw ‘em penguins.

Taw did out yas, tame? Tnod ouy keeps shiglne?

(Soldiers gesture for him to cool it)

Farah…

Hakim: What did he say?

Farah: I dunno.

Something about the food.

Hakim: ask him about Mum and Dad.

(Two soldier lines, last one ending in Od uy dnatsrednu?)

Thank you. For the food.