rls122 3. interpersonal communication skills

communication is…

• Sophisticated

• Transactional

• Continuous

communication is sophisticated

It involves multiple forms and types, complexity, and nuanced understanding.

• spoken, thru hands, body language, moving, online,

communication is transactional

It is a two-way processes in which all parties influence the exchange.

• we are responding to the responses given by others when we communicate. BOTH parties are communicating and give to communication

  • e.g., if they’re confused, we tend to elaborate and reexplain. if they are angry, we may speak more gentle or elevate the emotion

communication is

It is typically not a single instance of communication, but rather, is ongoing.

• it goes back and forth, not just one person. we relay and ask questions to keep the conversation going, not just a simple one liner convo

Communication and leadership are…

intimately intertwined

• To lead effectively, leaders must be able to clearly articulate their message(s) to others and understand how others are communicating

• u would speak VERY differently to a 4 year old compared to an adult. communication depends on context and all the factors that happen! we should be able to adapt to the situation given the situation, not just the same every time

three channels of communication

• visual

• vocal

• verbal

visual channel of communication

• Everything that is visible during communication.

  • Facial expressions

  • Body language

  • Eye contact

  • Touch and space

  • Physical appearance

• What we say should match the visual behaviours that we display.

  • when we are communicating, we need to recognize that if we are saying “i like that!” but look disgusted it will cause confusion or even doubt in the other person

  • what we say has to match our visual cues

vocal channel of communication

• How we say what we say

  • Tone (e.g. agressive tone, happy tone, emotional tone)

  • Pitch (high or low?)

  • Rate (is it really fast? slow?)

  • Volume (how quiet? how loud?)

  • Emphasis (e.g., there is a difference between “OH really?” and “oh REALY?”)

  • Pronunciation (are we speaking clearly? what’s our accent? is the way we say things diff from another?)

• Serves as our “emotional tell”

  • tells us the emotion that the person talking is feeling.

  • e.g., high-pitched or fast talking tends to correlate with excitement. slow pitched and even talking may represent a calm person

verbal channel of communication

The words that we actually say (i.e., specific word choice and vocabulary)

• literally the words that come out of your mouth. has NOTHING to do with tone or body language

• When verbal and nonverbal messages conflict, we tend to place more emphasis on nonverbal messages when forming our interpretation and in guiding our response.

  • i.e., when the body language is agressive, we will place more value on that over “i’m not angry!”

  • e.g., when someone says its okay to do things differently but their face and body kinda shows their not, or their emotions and the way they communicate changes and becomes more uncomfortable throughout the hangout

the importance of listening in communication

Listening significantly contributes to the success or failure of a communication process.

Listening involves interpreting all pieces of incoming communication information

passive listening

mechanical and effortless listening.

active listening

involves the clarification of messages received through paraphrasing, prompts, and questions.

• Most interactions require greater listening attentiveness (i.e., active listening rather than passive listening).

• making sure you understand / processing what is being said

• Requires a conscious engagement in the interaction so as to recognize even the most subtle nuances embedded in the transmitted message.

components of active listening

• clarify by paraphrasing the speaker’s message

• interject with subtle prompts; “ohh okay i get it! continue on”

• ask questions; in order to get more information, and to get them to talk more and keep the conversation alive!

perception checking

a process that helps ensure that people are sharing the same communication reality.

• Can reduce miscommunication (are we understanding their true intentions? do we know why they bahaved that way?)

• Involves three steps

three steps of perception checking

1. Identify the behaviour that you’ve observed in the other person(s).

2. Offer two possible interpretations of the behaviour.

3. Seek clarification of the behaviour (actually talking to the person)

the two dimensions of meaning in communication

• content

• relational

content dimension of meaning in communication

The topic or content of the conversation.

• Objective

relational dimension of meaning in communication

How people feel about those with whom they are communicating.

• you feel and therefore communicate with others depending on who you are talking to! ex. tone differs knowing the other person

  • e.g., i’d be so nice to cj if he asked but i’d be kinda weirded out if someone ion like asked me to do something

• Provides insight into quality of relationship.

• Subjective

communication competence and leadership

• Leadership success is dependent on developing effective interpersonal communication skills.

• Leaders must be competent in communication, and must strive to use the most effective and appropriate communication behaviour for each situation.

  • to say ur competent means to be appropriate, choosing the right thing to say, and having the right behaviour when communication in situations

• Competent communicators consider many aspects of communication to appropriately communicate in different situations and interactions.

  • think about the roles you have in every situation!

task-oriented leadership

• focuses on establishing goals and managing assigned tasks and roles

• priority is placed on productivity and task completion

  • can we reach these markers of high performance? are we completing things in a timely manner?

  • less consideration for relationships

relations-oriented leadership

• focuses on interpersonal connectedness and people skills

• priority is placed on establishing connections between people

  • how can we build the relationships of the team? of the group?

  • less emphasis on tasks and goals, and therefore less productivity

true or false: you can be at different points on the spectrum depending on CONTEXT!

true

true or false: task-oriented leadership and relations-oriented leadership are distinct from each other

false

Task and relationship components must be…

taken into consideration when considering the leadership and communication strategy that fits best in a given situation.

pros and cons of face-to-face communication

pros

• better perception of tone, emphasis, emotion, visual cues

• paying more attention / more active listening

• ability to be together leads to more closeness and bonding

• no issue with wifi

cons

• hard to schedule / plan

• could get awkward

pros and cons of online communication

pros

• more time to think about ur responses?

• more convenient / accessible

• can talk long distance

• for some it can make conversation less scary or awkward

cons

• connection issues can lead to ppl cutting out, messages lost, etc.

• if no camera is on, loss of visual cues

• delayed responses

• feels less personal

• loss of physical touch and awkward to talk to a screen

• might not be taken as seriously as irl, seen as “just another chore”

considering communication in the interpersonal leadership model

• In addition to effectively communicating, leaders must connect interpersonally with those that they work with.

• These three qualities of successful leaders are defined by attitudes and intentions that must be effectively communicated to those that the leaders work with.

• These three characteristics combine to create an interpersonally competent leader.

principled leaders

• transparent

• honest

• fair

transparent

trait of principled leaders

• They possess no hidden agendas (i.e., sincere), are forthright and open in their communication, and are willing to be vulnerable and share their true feelings.

• liturly an open book. being direct with expectations, not hiding anything or secretly wanting you to know things. also understanding and being open about struggles too. DIRECT AND VULNERABLE

• “this is where you are at, this is where i want you to be”

• “I know, i have experienced this before and i’m feeling ___”

honest

trait of principled leaders

• They give credit to those deserving of it. They communicate, with honesty, their thoughts, beliefs, values, and opinions.

• giving credit where it’s owed (i.e., not taking all the credit), honest with their strengths and weaknesses (i.e., feedback without filters or beating around the bush). honest with their feelings and principles

fair

trait of principled leaders

• They realize that each individual deserves the same rights and privileges. They genuinely care about people as individuals.

• looking our for EVERYONE on the team. everyone deserves the same treatment, regardless of who they are, and giving them chances to prove themselves and thrive.

purposeful leaders

• insightful

• ingenious

• igniting

insightful

trait of purposeful leaders

• They possess insight, or the ability to see what others may not see beyond the obvious.

• they look deeper. can be more observant or more hopeful in others.

• “i see his potential!!!”

ingenious

trait of purposeful leaders

• They think outside the box and act outside of the box. They picture things differently than what may be normal.

• they take more unique / creative approaches to things, not subjecting to the norm or status quo. step further than insightful, where you are actually thinking differently. has ideas that most people would not conisder

• “lets change things up! it doesn’t have to be this way, even if we’ve done it for years!”

igniting

trait of purposeful leaders

• In addition to seeing what could be, they make it a reality. They pass their visions on to others.

• a step further from ingenious, making it reality. also being able to communicate this need for change to others and pushing for change

• “okay i see this change, lets put it into action!”

passionate leaders

• bold

• committed

• fanatics for their cause

bold

trait of passionate leaders

• They communicate their vision with a large amount of enthusiasm, and engage and empower those around them with intense drive and passion

• their aura is so strong that you can feel it

committed

trait of passionate leaders

• They are committed to their vision and strive to fulfil it despite obstacles.

• once they have their mind set, there’s no stopping them

• “even tho there are low funds, we are still going to try!”

fanatics for their cause

trait of passionate leaders

• They take calculated risks that are necessary for propelling the group forward.

• usually the risk pays off too!

• “we don’t have a lot of funding, lets take a risk and seek out some sponsors”