Ch 6: Revealing and Hidding Ourselves: Self-Disclosure and Privacy

Self-Disclosure

Revealing personal information about oneself to others

Topic Avoidance

Internal averting the discussion of a particular topic

Self Disclosure can be conceptualized in terms of six dimensions:

1) Depth

2) Breadth

3) Frequency

4) Duration

5) Valence

6) Veracity

Social Penetration Theory

A theory that describes how self-disclosure changes as people develop their relationships. It is sometimes reffered to as the onion theory.

Depht

The extent to which self-disclosure is highly intimate or personal

Breadth

The number of topics about which people feel free to disclose

Three Basics Layers of self-disclosure:

1) a superficial layer that is easy to penetrate

2) a social or personal layer that is easy for most friends, family members, and lovers to penetrate

3) a very intimate layer or core that is seldom revealed, and then only to people who are completely trusted.

Frequency

As a dimension of self-disclosure, this refers to how often people self-disclose

Duration

How long people engage in self0disclosure or personal conversation with someone.

Valence

Positive or negative feelings or attitudes about messages, people or relationships

Positive Vealence

Disclosing your dreams, your warm feelings for someone, or your happiest childhood memories

Negative Valence

Disclosing your fears, your hostile feelings for someone, or your unhappiest childhood memories

Veracity

As a dimension of disclosure, this refers to how truthful the info is that someone is disclosing.

Disclosing-Liking Hypothesis

The more we disclose to someone, the more we start to like that person.

Liking-Disclosure Hypothesis.

Predicts that people will disclose more to receivers they like. People are more likely to disclose to close relational partners and to people to whom they are attracted to than people they dislike.

Personal Disclosure

Disclosure that people think is directed at them becouse they are trustworthy and have a close relationship with sender.

Nondirected Disclosure

Disclosure that is sent to large groups of people rather than to individuals and is therefore considered less personal.

Hyperpersonal Model

A theory that people develop stronger impressions of one another in mediated context compared to face-to-face contexts because they overly on the limited, mostly verbal info that they exchange

Intensification Effect:

The idea that personal self-disclosure produces more powerful feelings of closeness and liking in computer-mediated contexts than in face-to-face interaction.

Dyadic Effect

A reciprocal pattern of self-disclosure that occurs when a person reveals info and his or her partner responds by offering info that is at a similar level of intimacy

Communication Privacy Management

A theory that helps explain how and why individuals maintain privacy boundaries. The theory focuses on control over info as a cental aspect of disclosure decisions

Boundary Structures

Rules that guide who has access to and can share private infoP

Privacy Ownership

This states that people own their personal info and if they share that info with others, those people have a responsibility to keep it private unless granted permission to do otherwise.

Authorized Co-owners

Confidants with responsibility to keep share info to themselves unless given permission to do otherwise )also known as “boundary insiders”)

Privacy Control

The idea that people want control over their personal info, including who knows personal info, and both whether and how those people share the info with others.

Privacy Turbulence

Occurs when new events force renewed boundary management; in other words, events force people to think about how their private info is being managed and whether they need to change who has access to it.

Boundary Turbulence

Occurs when info that was intended to be private goes public so that old boundary structures need to be fortified or renegotiated.

Whole-Family Secrets

Confidences held by the entire family and kept from outsiders

Intrafamily Secrets

Confidences where some family members have info they keep from other family members

Individual Secrets

Confidences where some family members have info they keep from other family members

Relationship Protection

As a motivation for topic avoidance, when people avoid talking about things because they think talking about them will harm their relationship.

Relationship de-escalation

The process of decreasing closeness in a relationship

Partner Unresponsiveness

When a person perceives that a partner will be unhelpful or insensitive to the individual’s needs

Futility of discussion

A motion for topic avoidance that involves believing it is pointless to talk about something

Communication Inefficacy

When people believe that they don’t have the communication skills to bring up a topic or maintain discussion in a competent and effective manner.

Standard for Openness Hypothesis

The idea that people differ in their expectations for how open their partner should be. That difference often falls along sex categories

Hyperaccessibility

Several subsequent studies have confirmed that the desire to suppress a thought does the exact opposite, bringing it to the forefront of our thoughts and thus making it hyperaccessible.

Rebound Effect

Hyperaccessibilitv of the supressed thought decreases over time if one removes oneself from contact with the relevant information or secret, a triggering of thoughts so suppressed called as the ____

Split Loyal Patterns

Secret keepers are often put in a bind of having to choose between being loyal to other secret holders or being loyal to friends or family members who may be hurt by not knowing the secret.

Fever Model of self-disclosure

people who are distressed about a problem or who think about a problem a lot are much more liklely to reveal thoughts and feelings about the problem than are those who are not experiencing anxiety aboyt an issue

Physical Closeness

the amount of spatial proximity and physical contact people have.

Emotional Closeness

having a sense of sharing experiences, trust, enjoyment, concern and caring in a relationship

Paradox of effection

Floyd noted that “although affection is often intended and usually perceived by others to be a positive communicative move, it can backfire for a number of reasons and produce negative outcomes.” For instance, showing affection too early in a relationship can scare potential friends and romantic partners away.

Affection exchange theory

based on the idea that affection communication is a biologically adaptive behavior that evolved b/c it helps people provide and obtain valuable resources necessary for survival.

Viability

Relates to the motivation to survive

Support behaviors

Support behaviors involve giving someone emotional or instrumental support

Idiomatic behaviors

idiomatic behaviors “have a specific meaning only to people in a particular relationship”

Immediacy behaviors

actions that signal warmth, communication availability, decrease psychological or physical distance, and promote involvement between people

Verbal Immediacy

The function of several features of language that reflect the closeness of the relationship, including word choice, forms of address, depth of disclosure, verbal person-centeredness, and verbal personal centeredness and verbal relationship indicators

Oculesics

essential establishing emotional closeness and increased eye contact is a sign of intimacy and attraction.

Proxemics

the way people use space in interpersonal communication, signals the level of closeness in a relationship, a distance ranging from touch 18 inches identified as the intimate zone. Immediacy is also communicated proximally via body angle and communicating at the same height or visual plane also increases perceived immediacy and closeness.

Haptics

key immediacy behavior that reflects closeness and there is a strong association between the amount of tactile intimacy recorded by observers and the closeness of couple’s relationship. High levels of touch and private touch were associated with an intensifying relationship, and increased touch usually occurs in the process of escalating relationships from casual to committed.

Kinesics

key immediacy behavior that reflects closeness and there is a strong association between the amount of tactile intimacy recorded by observers and the closeness of couple’s relationship. High levels of touch and private touch were associated with an intensifying relationship, and increased touch usually occurs in the process of escalating relationships from casual to committed

Vocalics

are sometimes more important than words and such shifts are associated with positive interpersonal affect. Baby talk includes real words and nonsense sounds, which are found to aid the development of conversational skills, as well as more emotionally connected parent–child relationships.

chronemics

communicates a great deal in relationships, as a precious commodity that is spent, saved, wasted, or invested as though it were money. Spending time with another person sends the message that the person is important and reflects a desire to develop or maintain a close relationship. Being on time, waiting for a late partner, sharing conversation time, replying to texts in a timely manner, and devoting time to work on the relationship play a role in the level of emotional closeness between partners.

Cognitive valence theory (CVT)

It helps explain why people respond to increases in immediacy positively in some cases and negatively in others by examining six cognitive valencers: (1) culture, (2) personality, (3) the rewardingness of the partner, (4) the relationship, (5) the situation, and (6) temporary states.

Supportive communication:

1) Emotional Support

2) Esteem Support

3) Informational Support

4) Tangible Aid

5) Network Support

Invisible Support

The invisible support phenomenon suggests that support attempts that go unnoticed by recipients are the “most effective in reducing distress': and promoting good health

Person-centered messages

acknowledge, elaborate on and validate the feelings and concerns of the distress person

Expressive friendships

Involve using emotionally charged nonverbal and verbal communication during conversations, showing nonverbal affection, talking about fears, and shopping. Girls show more trust and loyalty, more dependence on friends, and a greater tendency to discuss their relationships with friends than do boys. Women express more affection than men in same-sex dyads, though men increase their level of affection to about the same level as women in cross-sex friendships.

Consummate love

based on having high levels of all three components

“Hot” component

1) Passion is the “hot” component of love that consists of motivation and arousal.

2) When people have this type of passion without much intimacy or commitment, they are experiencing infatuation.

3) A romantic weekend away or a candlelight dinner followed by stargazing in a hot tub can provide an important passionate spark to a long-term relationship.

“Cool” component

1) Commitment is based on cognition and decision making and is most stable over time. It builds gradually and then stabilizes; Sternberg referred to it as the “cool” or “cold” component.

2) It is a stronger predictor of relationship satisfaction and longevity than either intimacy or passion.

3) Fatuous love is rooted in commitment and passion without intimacy and exemplified as committed but based on sex rather than intimacy.

4) The least satisfying relationships are characterized by empty love, which means they have commitment but relatively low levels of intimacy and passion.

passionate love

rooted in feelings of affection, attraction, and sexual desire. Individuals with the eros style look for partners who are physically attractive and good lovers, are eager to develop intense passionate relationships, and often experience extreme emotional highs and lows.

companionate love

based on high levels of intimacy and commitment but comparatively low levels of passion. People who identify with storge love report feeling good about themselves and their relationships.

Language of Affirmation and Support

Communicating love through affirmation commonly includes being encouraging, supportive, and complimentary. The work on love ways suggests that people who use this type of affirming communication tend to regard relationships as partnerships where people build one another up. Such partnerships increase energy and intensify emotion, which help maintain the relationship

Language of Time Together

For some people, spending time together participating in shared activities is an essential way to express love. Marston et al. identified a similar love way that involves engaging in joint activities and feeling strong and self-confident. People who prefer communicating love this way are likely to engage in activities such as spending their free time together, having deep conversations, going places, and being alone as a couple. When couples are highly committed, they are also likely to communicate love this way by planning future activities together

Language of gifts and tokens of affection

For some people, spending time together participating in shared activities is an essential way to express love. Marston et al. identified a similar love way that involves engaging in joint activities and feeling strong and self-confident. People who prefer communicating love this way are likely to engage in activities such as spending their free time together, having deep conversations, going places, and being alone as a couple. When couples are highly committed, they are also likely to communicate love this way by planning future activities together

Language of physical touch

Holding hands, cuddling, sitting close to one another, and engaging in sexual activities are just a few ways that people communicate love through physical contact. Marston et al.’s work on love ways suggests that when love is grounded in touch, it is also experienced through physical reactions such as feeling warm all over, getting nervous, and losing one’s appetite. People who endorse this love language tend to have strong physical reactions to being touched by a loved one.

Language of Acts of Service

This love language involves helping with necessary tasks by doing things such as washing one’s partner’s car, helping with housework or homework, and running errands for one’s partner. People who prefer showing love through acts of service also report that they share tasks and engage with their partner’s social network as ways to maintain their relationship. Although some people see acts of service as a primary way of communicating love, others do not, which can cause misunderstanding.

avoidant attachment style

tend to have caregivers who are either insensitive to their signals or try too hard to please

anxiouse-ambivalent attachment style

tends to be the product of sometimes appropriately responsive caregiver communication, which is at other times neglectful or overstimulating, or caregivers are preoccupied with their own problems.

secure attachment style

positive models of themselves and others

preoccupied attachment style

have positive models of others but negative models of themselves and are overly dependent on relationships.

fearful attachment style

have negative models of both themselves and others

dismissive attachment style

have positive models of themselves but negative models of others

Reinforcement effect

When this effect occurs, people communicate in cycles that reinforce their attachment style. Secure individuals are self-confident, readily approach others, more likely to make friends, develop relationships, and thus feel even better about themselves and others. Preoccupied individuals, by contrast, continually reach for higher levels of intimacy, a process reinforces that individual’s negative model of self and positive model of others.

Procreational orientation

it reflects the belief that producing offspring is the primary purpose of sexual intercourse, a position taken by most major religions, associated with traditional, conservative cultural values.

relational orientation

it holds that sex is a way of expressing love and affection and developing greater relational intimacy a most common view today in the US

Recreational Orientation

teh attitude views sex as primary source of fun, escape, excitement, or pleasure a sexual liberal view holding that sex is appropriate between consenting adults regardless of their relationship

Polyamory

polyamorous orientation towards sex revolve around being open to having multiple romantic relationships

attention stage

get the other person’s attention and present oneself in the best possible light

Courtship readiness stage

the person who made the first move by trying to get attention determines whether the other person is approachable for interaction

invitations and sexual arousal stage

beginning of which is marked by subtle touch and sexual contact

resolution stage

which is not always easy especially if the behavior used in the sexual arousal and invitations stage were indirect and ambiguous

antisocial acts

usually unsuccessful in initialing sex in a relationship

sexual coercion

occurs when an individual pressures or forces another to engage in unwanted sexual activity with physical force the most unacceptable means of coercion

Relational satisfaction

The “pleasure or enjoyment” that people derive from their relationships. Positivity, assurances, and social networking are especially important for predicting how satisfied couples are with their relationships. People reported being the most satisfied in their relationships when their partners used higher levels of positivity and assurances than they expected them to use.

Rabby compared four relationship types:

Virtual relationships where partners had only communicated online.

Pinocchio relationships where partners first meet online but then start meeting in person.

Cyber-emigrant relationships where partners first meet in person but then start communicating primarily online.

Real-world relationships where communication starts and continues primarily in face-to-face contexts.

strategic maintenance behavior

intentionally designed to maintain a relationship, Actions are deliberate and intentionally designed to maintain a positive relationship with someone

routine maintenance behaviors

less strategic and deliberate they are used without the express purpose of maintaining the relationship yet they still help people preserve their bonds with one another.

romantic intent

the desire to move the friendship toward a romantic relationship and is related to maintenance behavior

true friends

close friends who add sex to their friendship but don’t consider themselves a couple even though they care about each other as friends

network opportunism

partners within the same socoal network who are not particularly close but serve as a “sexual backup” if neither of them are with anyone else

Just sex

sexual partners whose interaction revolves almost exclusively around planning and having sex without any real emotional connection

transition out or ex-sex

former romantic partners who are no longer official couples but continue or resume their sex relationship sometime after their break up

intentional transition in

partners decide to start out in a friends-with-benefits relationship with the intention of becoming a couple if everything goes well and then they successfully mak ethe transition to a romantic relationship

unintentional transition in

partners intend to keep the relationship as friends with benefits but end up emotionally attached and become a couple

failed transition

one or both partners enter teh friendship with benefits relationship with the intention of eventually becoming a couple but instead they do not move beyond being with friends with benefits

Selection effect

People who choose to cohabit rather than marry have certain preexisting personal characteristics and attitudes that make it less likely that their relationships will last. These attitudes include greater acceptance of divorce and premarital sex, stronger needs for autonomy, and more negative feelings about marriage.