Thanatology - Psychology - Chapter 9

How do you respond typically when talking to young children about death?

You respond when talking to young children about
death by your own personal and spiritual views on the
topic.

How should you start the conversation.

• Start by finding out what they already believe.
• This will identify misconceptions

During this type of conversation, should you be making physical contact with the child?

• It is good to have “touching and holding” to make them

feel secure and less afraid

• Let the parents do the touching and holding and

encourage them to have the conversation, but they can

hold and you can talk.

Should you admit to the child that you may not know all the answers?

Conversation will be difficult as you will not have all
the answers, but don’t be afraid to say you don’t know
something.
• By making up a fantasy response or “snowballing” them
they may become confused or upset later.

Should you admit to the child that you may feel sad?

It’s OK to feel sad and to show emotions

Should you tell the child that it is OK to cry if they are sad?

Explain why you are sad and reassure them it’s OK to be
sad and cry.

If a child says they aren’t sad (and mean it), what should you do?

If they are NOT sad, that’s OK too. Tell them everyone
responds differently.

Should you lie to the child regarding death?

What is the best way to be honest with the child during the conversation?

Use direct, simple, clear language that a child can
understand.

What are some things that you should never tell a child regarding the finality of death?

• Confront the issue honestly even though this is a hard
concept for them to deal with.
• Do not use analogies or clichés
• They went away on a trip
• These are confusing and do more harm than good

Should you tell them that illness and death go hand in hand? Why or why not?

• Do not tell them God took the person because he was
sick
• They may think God takes everyone when they get sick

• Tell them illness and death do not go hand in hand and
you plan to live a long, long time
• Even though you have told them they aren’t coming
back, they may continue to ask the question. Answer
truthfully and honestly every time.

If a child thinks something they said or did made the person die, what should you do?

• Reassure them nothing they did or said caused the
death.
• Reassure them they may get angry at the person for
dying
• Reassure them everything they feel is normal and
adults feel that way, too

Should children attend funerals?

• Children should attend funerals if they want.
• Shielding them and preventing them from attendance
at a funeral does a tremendous amount of harm

• Children should be encouraged to attend funerals, visit
cemeteries, etc. from about age 4 on.
• Children part of public gatherings should be permitted
even if younger than age 4

• Funerals are a community sharing, and children are
part of the community.

Should a child be forced to attend a funeral?

• Do not force a child to attend a funeral
• Their participation and level of participation is their own
individual decision.

What are some of the options presented to the child/teen regarding the funeral?

Pre-Service
• Attending/Not Attending Service
• Find a sitter
• Selecting the casket
• Deciding to View/Not View the remains

• Choosing special objects to put in the casket
• Help choose the clothes
• Choosing the marker and epitaph
• Picking out the urn

• Choose location for scattering
• Choosing gravesite
• Selecting flowers/music/readings
• Participating in service
• Closing the casket for the last time

• Post-Service
• Selecting possessions to keep
• When will child be ready to return to school

After the funeral, what are some options that can be presented to the child/teen?

Post-Service
• Selecting possessions to keep
• When will child be ready to return to school

• Do they want to see the cremated remains
• WTF!@#!@#!#?????

• Would they like to see the death certificate or obituary
• Would child like to participate in a support group
• How would they like to memorialize the person on the
anniversary of the death

When explaining the events of the funeral, how should you explain them?

• Children need explanations of things and course of
events during funeral
• Death is obviously changing the world as they know it,
having this information is reassuring.

• Fill them in on the basics of who, what, where, when,
and why.
• Teens also can use this information
• Teens have a very sensitive and accurate BS detector

• Tell them
• Who… will be at the funeral or memorial service
• Where… will the service take place?
• When…will the funeral happen?
• What…. Is going to happen?
• Why…. Are we doing this?

What are the typical aspects that may need to be discussed?

• Tell them
• Who… will be at the funeral or memorial service
• Where… will the service take place?
• When…will the funeral happen?
• What…. Is going to happen?
• Why…. Are we doing this?

What are some factors you should explain to a child before they view a body?

• Deceased is in a full/open/partially closed casket
• Body is cool to touch
• Body does not move

• Body does not talk or see
• Body will not come back to life
• Body may have markings from injury or illness

• Body will look and feel different than the person did
before death
• There’s an explanation in the book you can use as a
“script” and adjust it to make it more personalized.

Never assume what regarding how a child understands a topic?

Comprehends as you do

What is a common misconception a child has regarding half-couch caskets?

The body not “having legs” with the half couch casket
comes into play here