SFL 223 Final (Leavitt)

What is sexual wholeness?

Includes physical, spiritual, and emotional aspects of sex

Sexual wholeness acknowledges that....

healthy sex occurs within a committed, loving relationship where both partners are engaged in the process of growth

Why might it be important to know both women and men's anatomy?

1. We learn about how we are sexually unique but together create true intimacy

2. Learning more about your own sexually anatomy can lead to discovery, acceptance, and greater appreciation for your sexuality

3. Learning about your anatomy and your spouse's anatomy can be an important part of your journey to healthy sexuality

3 Body Parts most important for arousal?

Women: Vagina, perineum, clitoris

Men: Penis

How to overcome sexual differences

1. Openly talk about needs and desires

2. Address the orgasm gap = Talk about what increases arousal for both of you so you can both reach orgasm.

3. Acknowledge it is normal to have a lower and higher desire partner dynamic

4. Talk about what motivates desire for you

Men more frequently...

1. Use Porn

2. Masturbate

3. Engage in casual sex

4. Orgasm

Sexuality begins at _________

Birth, and development occurs throughout life

Most important sexual organ

The brain (especially for women)

Healthy sexual relationship = train your brain to have proper attitudes and appropriate attention towards sexuality

Reduce as much anxiety as you can to have best experience

Diversity + Difference =

Divinity

Women do not understand their sexual desires because...

They have spent their whole lives being beautiful and sexual for other people; sexual development is based on how others view her

Three Types of Intimacy

1. Non-arousing

2. Arousing

3. Orgasmic

Two Thresholds for intimacy

1. Arousal Threshold

2. Orgasm Threshold

How to cross arousal threshold? (non arousing to arousing intimacy)

- physical touch

- non sexual conversation

- making plans together

- meditation (low desire partner)

- visualize/discuss sex (high desire partner)

- Thinking about your spouse

How to cross orgasm threshold? (arousing intimacy to orgasmic intimacy?)

- Do not focus on having orgasm

- Stay present - focus on experience

- Do all you can to reduce anxiety

Skillful lovers are.....

Intentional with using erogenous zones

Non specific erogenous zones

Leg, neck, ear, hands, face, etc. Any part of the body

Specific Erogenous Zones

Lips, nipples, genitals, breasts, etc.

Orgasm Gap

95% of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm

65% of heterosexual women usually orgasm

How to close the orgasm gap?

1. Talk about it - preferences, arousals, etc.

2. Prioritize the woman

3. Value both preferences

4. Adjust frequency of sex (too much, not enough?)

This is an opportunity for both partners to be selfless and giving; serving someone else can help you feel good

Ezer

Help/Help meet/ Savior

Eve is not a subordinate, she is a great help, a SAVIOR

The gospel creates...

unity of faith with our Father, our Savior, and our fellow believers

What does unity mean?

1. Both parties maintain separate identities and purposes as they unite under the shared purpose of fulfilling the dominion rule of God in and through their partnership

2. We are not to live for ourselves, but the other

3. Working together towards a common purpose

If you are unified, do you never have conflict?

No! Conflict creates an opportunity for greater intimacy

Learn to speak your partner's language (know how men/women communicate differently)

What does David Schnarch say about marriage?

Marriage is a one flesh mystery - a mystery of human bonding; beautiful and complex

-many of us lack good relationships to copy and emulate

-Marriages are growing machines

There are different types of romantic love - limerence into mature love

Dr. Tim Keller on service

In a union you have three possibilities:

1. Serve with joy

2. Offer to serve with resentment/coldness

3. Selfishly insist on your own way

4 Ways to Build Lasting Unity

1. Trust God Together

2. Have Honest Conversations

3. Build your Friendship

4. Serve others Together

Why is the commandment to multiply & replenish the earth important?

Allows for growth for both you, spouse, and children

1. Learning to sacrifice as a parent is the next step in your progress to learn to look outside yourself and develop as an individual

2. Allows children to grow as they emulate you and the example you set; if you demonstrate a growth mindset, so shall they

3. Expands and exalts us - children are the Lord's inheritance to us in this life and in eternity

What is the marriage Crucible?

Essentially - every marriage goes through hard times

-unresolved individual and relationship problems which surface to reveal themselves in common dysfunctional sexual styles.

•evokes people's deepest vulnerabilities and fears, and also taps into their potential for profound love, passion, even spiritual transcendence.

Schnarch's 4 Points of Balance to get through the Crucible

1. Solid Flexible Self: Identity, values, and self worth are all relatively stable over time and circumstances

2. Quite Mind & Comforted Heart: Handling your emotional inner world; soothing yourself to tolerate discomfort

3. Grounded Responding: Making modulated responses to people, events, and situations; not overreacting or failing to react when necessary

4. Meaningful Endurance: Continuing to try despite failure; repetition of effort; diligent practice; tolerating discomfort for growth

3 Key factors determining unity in parenthood

1. Quality of pre-parent relationship

2. Quality of marital friendship and communication

3. Successful establishment of work-family patterns

5 Magic Hours

-Partings: 2 minutes 5 days a week

-Debriefing: 20 minutes, 5 days a week

-Admiration & Appreciation: 5 minutes, 7 days a week

-Affection (specifically goodnight kisses): 5 minutes, 7 days a week

-Weekly date: 2 hours a week

4 types of Rituals

1. Connection

2. Talk

3. Love

4. Celebration

Rituals must be....

Repeated coordinated, significant

How is overspending a behavior problem?

1. too much focus on wants, not needs

2. Materialism

Materialism

1. Predicts financial problems in marriage more than income level

2. Materialistic spouses experience 40% more financial problems

3. Constant comparison to people who have more, rather than those who have less

4. The world village - look at how blessed we are

Time together

Most significant contributor to breakdown in marriages today is lack of time together

Never marry for money...

you'll borrow it cheaper

seek ye first the kingdom of God