Intimate Relationships - PSYC 3730

Midterm - Trent University

What is a Relationship?

from a psychological perspective, a relationship is the mutual influence of one person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviour on another person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. At a minimum, relationships are generally defined as the interdependence of people over time.

Intimate relationships differ from more casual associations in at least seven specific ways:

knowledge, interdependence, caring, trust, responsiveness, mutuality, and commitment. However, none of these components are absolutely required for intimacy to occur, and each may exist when the others are absent

Interdependence

two (or more) people influence one another

Mutuality

reflects the tendency for intimate partners to think of themselves as a couple instead of two entirely separate individuals. It is an index of perceived closeness.

Does porn use undermine relationships by diminishing intimacy

Couples who use porn together report HIGHER mutuality than couples who do not. Porn use is only NEGATIVELY related to mutuality when one partner uses it, and the other does not

to understand why relationships are the way that they are, we need to consider a range of different influences including aspects of:

history and culture, learning and personal experiences, general tendencies and individual differences &, evolution and biology.

How have relationships in North America changed over the last few decades?

• fewer people are marrying than before,

• people are waiting longer to marry, people routinely live together when they’re not married,

• people often have babies when they’re not married,

• more people divorce,

• two income families are the norm

Why have our relational norms changed?

• Increasing socioeconomic development (and feminism),

• Increasing individualism and the pursuit of personal fulfilment,

• technological innovations,

• changes in sex ratio

  • cultures with a high sex ratio (more men than women) tend to be more sexually conservative and traditional in gender roles, while cultures with a low sex ratio (more women than men) tend to be more sexually permissive and egalitarian

• Increasing visibility and emancipation of LGBTQ2SA+ and non-monogamies

Singlism

refers to prejudice and discrimination against those who choose to remain single and opt not to devote themselves to a primary romantic relationship

According to attachment theory, humans are born with fundamental needs for…

closeness, comfort, and safety. These needs are satisfied by bonding successfully with other people who are attentive and responsive to these needs

Individualism

the support of self-expression and the emphasis on personal fulfillment

Technoference

the frequent interruptions of couples’ interactions that are caused by their various technological devices

Phubbing

when one partners snubs another by focusing on a phone

Secure attachment

characterized by high trust in others and the belief that one is worthy and appreciated because parents responded appropriately to their needs (62%)

Anxious-ambivalent attachment

characterized by fear that others will not respond to their needs, high anxiety, and combinations of anger and proximity seeking because parents responded to their need inconsistently (15%)

Avoidant attachment

characterized by a suppression or denial of attachment needs, few outward signs of negative emotions, and withdrawal from parental figures because parents did not respond to their needs (23%)

Bartholomew (1990) proposed four general categories of attachment styles:

• Secure; remained the same as the secure style identified in children.

• Preoccupied; new name for anxious-ambivalence, they nervously depend on others’ approval to feel good about themselves, such people worried about, and were preoccupied with, the status of their relationships.

• Fearful; people avoid intimacy with others because of their fears of rejection. Although they wanted others to like them, they worried about the risks of relying on others.

• Dismissing; people felt that intimacy with others just wasn’t worth the trouble. Dismissing people rejected interdependency with others because they felt self-sufficient, and they didn’t care much whether others liked them or not

there are two broad themes that underlie and distinguish the four styles of attachment:

• Anxiety about abandonment: the worry that others will find us unworthy and leave.

• Avoidance of intimacy: difficulties with trust and the acceptance interdependent intimacy with others

Instrumental Traits

Associated with masculinity and agency. Focus on task-oriented, goal-driven, and assertive behaviours

Expressive Traits

Associated with femininity and communion. Focus on emotionally expressive, nurturing, and relationship-focused behaviours.

The Big Five Personality Traits

• Open-mindedness; the degree to which people are imaginative, curious, unconventional, and artistic versus conforming, uncreative, and stodgy.

• Extraversion; the extent to which people are gregarious, assertive, and sociable versus cautious, reclusive, and shy.

• Conscientiousness; the extent to which people are dutiful, dependable, responsible, and orderly versus unreliable, disorganized, and careless.

• Agreeableness; the degree to which people are compassionate, cooperative, good-natured, and trusting versus suspicious, selfish, and hostile.

• Negative Emotionality; the degree to which people are prone to fluctuating moods and high levels of negative emotion such as worry, anxiety, and anger

Sociometer theory

suggests that self-esteem functions as a psychological gauge (or “sociometer”) that monitors social acceptance and rejection. This theory argues that self-esteem is not just about feeling good about oneself but is actually an adaptive mechanism that helps individuals navigate social relationships.

Parental Investment

the time, energy, and resources one must provide to one’s offspring in order to reproduce

According to Social Comparison Theory, we learn about our own and our partners abilities, assets, and traits by…

comparing ourselves and partners with other people.

Upward Social Comparisons

occur when comparisons are made with a target that is superior to us or our partners. Upwards social comparisons diminish our or our partner’s perceived value but can motivate effort to improve

Downward Social Comparisons

occur when comparisons are made with a target that is inferior to us or our partners. Downward social comparisons increase our or our partner’s perceived value

To be androgynous is to be…

high in both instrumental and expressive traits

Sociosexuality

the degree of interest one has in sexual activity without relationship commitment. people who are high in sociosexuality are considerably more likely to cheat

Self-determination theory

argues that wellbeing and self-esteem are the product of meeting basic needs for autonomy, relatedness, and competence

when people have low self-esteem:

• They underestimate their partners’ love for them.

• They are less optimistic that their loves will last.

• They perceive disregard where none exists.

• They respond less constructively to conflicts.

Sexual selection

a theoretical mechanism for the evolution of anatomical and behavioural differences between males and females, based on mate selection (i.e., how evolution shapes sex-specific traits that help individuals access mates)

Introsexual selection:

competition among members of one sex

Intersexual selection:

being more attractive to the opposite sex

Why is the way relationships have changed in North America concerning?

relationships have protective psychological and physical health benefits, and marriages are more stable than cohabitation

Hindsight Bias

the tendency to overestimate the predictability of past events after they occur. “I knew it all along”

the scientific study of human relationships began in…

the 1960s

relationship research now use methods that:

• Select diverse samples of people from all walks of life and from around the world.

• Examine varied types of family, friendships, and romantic relationships, sometimes over long periods of time.

• Study both the pleasant and unpleasant aspects of relationships.

• Sometimes observe people in natural settings using sophisticated technology.

Three reasons for conducting research:

(1) There is a clear lack of knowledge on a specific topic.

(2) Research has been conducted but the conclusions are ambiguous or inconsistent.

(3) Research has been conducted but you believe that conclusions are questionable.

What is a theory?

an organized set of principles that can be used to explain observed phenomena

What is a Hypothesis?

a testable statement or idea about the relation between two or more variables

There are three major research designs used in relationship research:

(1) Descriptive. (2) Correlational. (3) Experimental

To conduct an experiment, you must:

• Manipulate the independent variable(s).

• Control extraneous variables (i.e., hold constant any variables that might yield a spurious association).

• Observe the effect of the independent variable(s) on the dependent variable(s)

Pros of Self-Report

• more efficient and less costly than direct observation

• only access to non-observable phenomenon

Cons of Self-Report

• Requires participants (who need to be recruited/paid)

• idiosyncratic interpretations of questions

  • can be clarified during verbal interviews

• difficulty with recall or awareness

• social desirability bias

  • verbal interviews can exasperate this issue

Pros of Direct Observation

avoids some, but not all, problems found in self-report

Cons of Direct Observation

• lacks participant perceptions and insights

• costly and logistically challenging

• potential reactivity if people are aware they are being studied

• ethical limitations concerning what you can observe

Interrater (interjudge) reliability

the degree of agreement among independent observers who rate, code, or assess the same phenomenon

Attraction

“The interest in and liking of one individual by another..".”

The first step towards forming an intimate relationship

Attraction is operationally defined in research as:

• the degree that people approach vs. avoid another person

• the desire to get to know or spend time with someone else

• the extent that we “like” a person or enjoy their company

there are two different types of rewards which influence attraction:

• noticeable direct rewards we obviously receive from our interaction with others

• subtle indirect benefits of which we’re not always aware and that are merely associated with someone else

the fundamental basis of attraction is instrumentality, that is:

the extent to which someone is able to help us achieve our present goals

Why are certain features more attractive than others?

divergence from certain physical features may be cues indicating suboptimal genes and/or unfortunate development circumstances, both of which point to lower reproductive success of future progeny.

• environment (scarcity v.s abundance) and social norms play a role too

Attraction can be influence by where a woman is in her menstrual cycle:

• follicular phase + ovulation: the few days prior to ovulation and ovulation day itself; possibility of conception high

• luteal / menstrual phases: the rest of the cycle; possibility of conception nearly zero

Propinquity (proximity)

we are more likely to become attracted to and close with people we see and interact with often

• can involve actual physical distance and/or functional distance (the likelihood of interaction between individuals)

Mere Exposure Effect

the tendency for people to like neutral things (and people) more because of repeated exposure to them

The Halo Effect

• physically attractive people are perceived to be more kind, strong, outgoing, sensitive, etc.

• physically attractive people are expected to have better life outcomes, and in fact, they do (in some ways)

• physical appearance plays a major and automatic role in impression formation and has lasting implications for relationships

Reciprocity

in general, we tend to be attracted to people who like us back

Specific liking vs. General liking

• Specific liking refers to a focused, detailed preference for a particular aspect of something or someone

  • it is based on certain characteristics, features, or experiences

  • leads to more reciprocal liking

• General liking refers to an overall, broad, and often stable positive feeling toward something or someone

  • it is not necessarily tied to specific traits or experiences but rather a general sense of approval or fondness

why might it seem like opposites-attract

• perceived similarity matters more than objective similarity and friends/lovers believe that they are more similar to one another than they objectively are.

  • The differences between people are more evident/salient to outside observers

• discovering dissimilarities in partner we like takes time to occur

  • perceived similarity matter more at the outset of a relationship, objective similarity matter more later on.

• we are sometimes attracted to people that reflect (obtainable) versions of our ideal selves

similarity in attitudes and values stimulates attraction because:

• similarity validates one’s own beliefs and values

• similarity makes others easier to predict

• we assume that people with similar attitudes like us more

• dissimilar attitudes repel us

To some extent, people sometimes infer their emotional states by making attributions about the cause of their physiological arousal. Ir is possible then that attraction may sometimes be inferred by the…

(Mis)attribution of arousal

partners in established romantic relationships tend to have similar levels of physical attractiveness; that is, their looks are well matched, and this pattern is known as…

Matching

Mate Value

an overall assessment of a person’s desirability as a romantic or reproductive partner

Stimulus-Value-Role theory

we gain three different broad types of information about our partners as a new relationship develops.

• The 1st (stimulus) stage consists of value satisfaction obtained by visual, auditory, and non interactional means.

• The 2nd (value) stage consists of values appreciated through verbal interaction,

• and the 3rd (role) stage involves the ability of the couple to function in mutually assigned roles.

Fatal Attractions

occur when a quality that initially attracts one person to another gradually becomes one of the most obnoxious, irritating things about that partner.

How to increase attraction

• eye contact

• Duchenne smiles

• identify & emphasize your similarities

• suggest an exciting / arousing date

exposure to a range of cues activate specific schemas, as in:

mental structures we use to organize knowledge about the social world that guide our impression formation

• schemas remind/inform us of what certain “types” of people are like

• schemas can be very useful for making inferences about people when we lack information about them

• schemas are also the mental basis for prejudice and discrimination

• multiple different schemas can be activated simultaneously upon meeting someone

the Primacy Effect

the tendency for the information we encounter fire to have disproportionate effect on our decisions and memory

one our first impressions are formed we often preferentially seek confirming over disconfirming evidence (_________________) and our confidence in opinion tends to grow with time

confirmation bias

Positive Illusions

unrealistically favourable attitudes that people have for themselves and/or others

• we portray our lovers in the best possible light, emphasizing their positive qualities and minimizing their faults

Social Cognition

refers to all the processes of perception, interpretation, belief, and memory with which we evaluate and understand ourselves and other people

Actor/observer bias

the tendency to attribute the behaviour of others to internal causes, while attributing our own behaviour to external causes. In other words, actors explain their own behaviour differently then how an observer would explain the same behaviour.

Self-Serving Bias

the self-serving bias is a cognitive bias where individuals attribute their successes to internal factors like talent or effort, while blaming external factors like luck or other people for their failures. This bias serves to maintain self-esteem and protect one’s ego

Destiny vs. Growth Beliefs

• Destiny: people who hold these beliefs assume good relationships are about finding the perfect match; some people are suited to be together and some are not

• Growth: people who hold these beliefs assume good relationships develop gradually and require work to overcome challenges. With enough effort all relationships can work

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

a belief about a future outcome that helps to bring about its own fulfillment. This happens because the unconscious expectations that we hold can influence our actions and ultimately cause the initial prediction to become true

The self-enhancement motive leads us to…

seek feedback that makes us look good

the self-verification motive leads us to…

seek feedback that supports and verifies our existing self-concepts

in dating relationships, self-____________ motives trump self-____________ motives and praise increases our commitment

(1) enhancement, (2) verification

• in committed relationships (i.e., marriage), the self-verification motive trumps the self-enhancement motive

attachment styles provide “mental models” for intimate relationships. People with different attachment orientations:

• have different beliefs about what relationships are like

• expect different behaviour from their partners

• form different judgements about their partners’ behaviour

Impression Management

changing our words, actions, and even clothing across social interactions to better obtain our social goals

Reconstructive memory

the manner in which our memories are continually revised and rewritten as new information is obtained

Marital Paradigms

broad assumptions about whether, when, and under what circumstances we should marry that are accompanied by beliefs about what it is like to be married

the extent that we engage in impression management varies as a function of the degree that individuals…

self-monitor

high self-monitors:

pay close attention to social norms and aptly adjust their behaviour to fit

low self-monitors

are inattentive to social norms and/or less flexible, and they make more similar impressions on others from one audience to the next

Implicit Attitudes

the unintentional and automatic associations in our judgements that are evident when our partners come to mind