Sex and Relationship Communication 2

Dialectic of Certainty

Conventuonality-uniqueness
Uniqueness - casual wedding wearing shorts
Conventionality - traditional wedding in a chruch
(External Manifestation)

Dialectic of Expression - Tensions involving issues of disclosure

Open-closedness
Openness - "I want my partner to tell me everything"
Closedness - "I would like to keep info to myself and expect the same"
(Internal Manifestation)

Dialectic of Expression - Revelation-concealment

Concealment - private relationship
Revalation - Dyad's friends ask for u to tell them about the problems in relationship
(External manifestation)

Managing Tensions - Selection

- Deciding to value one side of the dialectic more than the other.
- Could be a problem if one partner wants to engage the other side of the dialectic later.

Managing Tensions - Separation

Favoring different sides of the dialectic at different times and in different contexts.

Managing Tensions - Neutralization

avoiding full engagement of either side of the dialectic
- Disqualification
- Being ambiguous; changing the subject; avoiding discussion

Managing Tensions - Moderation

Striving to reach a midpoint in the dialectic

Managing Tensions - Reframing

adjusting perceptions so that the dialectics are viewed as complementary rather than
contradictory

Limitations of the dialectical perspective

Individuals in close relationships are likely to struggle with dialectics of integration, certainty,
and expression, but it is difficult to predict how they will manage them.

Skills for forming new relationships - Relationship initiation

Ability to make good first impressions, highlight strengths, self presentation
- Verbal: compliments
-Nonverbal: Eye contact, etc
Ability to initiate plans

Skills for forming new relationships - Skill in self disclosure

Ability to engage in the appropriate level of self-disclosure for the stage of the
relationship.
- Level of disclosure typically increases as relationship progresses.

Skills for forming new relationships - Skill in Emotional Support

Ability to communicate empathy and warmth, verbally and non-verbally.
Communicating responsiveness = care, concern, liking

Skills for forming new relationships - Active Listening

1. Demonstrate verbally and non-verbally that you are paying attention throughout the exchange.
2. Do not interrupt.
3. Do defer judgments.

Skills for forming new relationships - Skill in negative assertion

Revealing negative personal information.
- Preserving negative face.
- Saying “no,” expressing hurt feelings

Skills for forming new relationships - Conflict management

Listening, understanding divergent perspectives, refraining from communicating hostility

Stage models depict _____

relationship development and disengagement as largely linear processes.

Knapp's model explains relationship development through ____

coming together stages, maintenance stages, and coming apart stages.

Knapp's model explains that communication between partners is ____

different in each stage of the relationship

Knapp's model is usually applied to

Romantic relationships, but is relevant to friendships as well

Coming Together Stage 1: Initiating

Focuses on first impressions.
- Attraction very important here.
Introductions and superficial topics dominate initial conversation

Disclosure during Stage 1. Initiating is

Low in breadth, depth, frequency, and duration.

Judgements during the initiating stage are

made quickly

Rewarding expectations = _____, nonrewarding ____

Next stage, ends here

Coming Together Stage 2. Experimenting

Couples seek more in-depth information as a means of determining whether or not a potential romantic partner would be a good fit.

Experimenting stage usually directly follows

Initiating stage

Experimenting may involve

posing direct or indirect questions or asking a common acquaintance about the
potential partner to reduce uncertainty

Small Talk (Experimenting)

breadth over depth
positive valence, idea of self-presentation

Establishing similarities and differences (Experimenting)

Interests, hobbies, goals
Perceived similarity predicts moving to next stage

Most relationships do not move beyond the _____ stage

Experimenting

Coming Together Stage 3. Intensifying

Increased contact (in person, texting)
Self disclosure increases and commitment begins to manifest
More meaningful interactions

In Stage 3. Intensifying, Dyads begin to employ

Uncertainty reduction strategies and secret tests

Coming Together Stage 4. Integrating

Couples form a sense of shared, public relational identity

Stage 4. Integrating, presents changes in verbal communication such as

Using future tense
Using "we" instead of "us"

"Coupling"

Occurs within and outside dyad - dyad knows itself as a couple and others understand that as well.

In Stage 4. Integrating, social networks ____

merge, dyad shares friends

In the integrating stage, attitudes preferences in a dyad

Align

In the integrating stage, dyads are more comfortable ___

disclosing negative personal information,

Disclosure depth and breadth increase in the

Integrating stage

Coming Together Stage 5. Bonding

Public commitment via social rituals, relationships become institutionalized

In Bonding, significant barriers to breakup are erected, such as

merged social networks, shared possessions

Coming Apart Stage 1. Differentiating

Goal of people in this stage: to maintain (or re-assert) individual identity and autonomy

Differentiating stage may make individuals in a dyad

act as individuals rather than as a couple (emphasize difference)

Differentiating can be the result of entering the bonding stage ____

too quickly

Feelings of being "tied down" or feeling resentment about relationship commitment begin in the _____

differentiating stage

The differentiating stage shows an

increase in conflict

The differentiating stage is not necessarily ____

a path toward relational termination. Temporary separation may solve the problem.

Coming Apart Stage 2: Circumscribing

Partners begin to feel that they have nothing to talk about

In the circumscribing stage, communication suffers in the following ways:

Becomes shallower
Range of topics discussed grows smaller
Tension prohibits asking/doing favors

In the circumscribing stage, a dyad's sense of closeness

may seem to be eroding

the circumsribing stage may bring about feelings of

frustration, distance, and misunderstanding

A decrease in expressions of love and commitment are characteristics of the

circumscribing stage

True or false: relationships are doomed if there is some circuscribing.

False. some circumscribing can be normal, and efforts to reconnect may still be successful

Coming apart stage 3. Stagnating

Communication becomes tense and awkward.
- feel that they already know what their partner will say
- feel that the outcome of interactions will always be negative.

It may be difficult to revive relationships in the _____

Stagnating stage

Costs outweigh benefits in the ____

stagnating stage

Emotions in the stagnating stage include:

feeling unwanted, feeling sentimental for “the way it used to be” and boredom.

I dyad may stay in the stagnating stage because ____

hey are holding onto positive memories and hope the relationship can turn itself around.

Coming Apart Stage 4. Avoiding

Individuals in the relationship become separate from one another physically and psychologically.

Primary characteristics of the avoiding stage:

physical separation and psychological distance.

When there is communication between a dyad in the avoiding stage, it is marked by

antagonism and unfriendliness

Partners make plans about how the breakup will occur in the

Avoiding stage

Forms of distancing in the avoiding stage: Avoidance

preventing or reducing interaction during an encounter

Forms of distancing in the avoiding stage: Disengagement

hiding information and interacting in a less personal manner

Forms of distancing in the avoiding stage:

disregarding messages and showing cognitive or emotional detachment

Coming Apart Stage 5: Terminating

Break-up stage.
- People develop their own self-interests and social networks.
- Re-establishing independence
- Re-establishing non-dyad identity

If communication occurs in the terminating stage, it is usually

tense, awkward, and hesitant

Relationship termination may be healthy:

Well being, personal aspirations

Maintenance Stages

Integrating, bonding, differentiating, circumscribing

Long-term relationships likely fluctuate between _____

maintenance stages

Movement forward in the coming together stages is considered ______ movement. movement backward in the coming apart stages is considered ______ movement.

Forward

True or False: "backward" movement constitutes any movement away from the bonding stage

true - backward movement can be the result of moving too quickly

True or false: Couples can go "back to the way this were"

False - their previous experience in a given stage will color their next trip through that stage.

Limitations of Knapp's model

Not all relationships follow a linear pattern
50-60% of close relationships follow a nonlinear developmental path.

turning point analysis

Turning points are events that are associated with change in commitment in a
relationship.
- Could be increase commitment or decrease commitment.

Examples of tuning points ____

Activities and special occasions
- Meeting a partner’s family
- Spending an important holiday or special event with a partner.

Proximity and Distance, Separations and reunions are examples of

Turning points

Major fights and conflicts are

turning points

Limitations of turning point analysis

Less predictive than a stage model.

The hyper-personal model (Online relationship development)

people develop stronger impressions of one another in mediated contexts compared to face-to-face contexts because they overly on the limited information they exchange.

In an online environment, people are both ____

message senders and message receivers.

Message senders have the ability to

selectively present themselves and are more conscious
of the information they share with others.

Message receivers may perceive the sender

in an idealized manner.

When the message receiver provides feedback (sends a message back), he or she may

reinforce the sender’s modified self‐ presentation.

Intensification effect

self-discolsure online is very selectively presented and may make people who communicate online for long periods of time to feel exaggerated feelings of closeness and liking.

Disclosure

getting to know another person and letting another person get to know you.

Self-disclosure

Communication that reveals something about the self to others. Typically a gradual process.
- Often promotes trust, closeness, and liking

Dimensions of self-disclosure - Breadth

Range of topics

Dimensions of self-disclosure - Depth

Intimacy Level

Dimensions of self-disclosure - Frequency

How often

Dimensions of self-disclosure - Duration

Length of interaction

Dimensions of self-disclosure - Valance

Positive – dreams, warm feelings, happy memories
Negative – hostile feelings, fears, anger

Dimensions of self-disclosure - Veracity

Truthfullness

Social penetration theory predicts

As relationships develop, disclosure moves from shallow levels to more intimate levels.

An individual's personality has layers, "public self" is the _____ and "private, authentic self" at the _____

outer layer, core

Vulnerability

opening up oneself for possible rejection or criticism

Factors that lead to increased liking: 1. Timing of disclosure

Does the disclosure violate receiver’s expectations surrounding time? No - predicts liking the sender Yes - predicts not liking the sender

Factors that lead to increased liking: 2. Personalistic versus indiscriminate disclosure

Personalistic
Sender discloses information disclosed to very select people. Predicts receiver liking.
Indiscriminate
Sender discloses information broadly.
Does not predict receiver liking.

Factors that lead to increased liking: 3. The receiver’s response

If the receiver is unkind, does not predict sender liking, if they are supportive, predicts sender liking

The dyadic effect

In the initial stages of relationships, self-disclosure needs to be reciprocal. This predicts relationship development.

Reciprocity predicts

Relationship satisfaction and closeness.