Chapter 11 Single life

Agape Love

Divine love; mirrors God's love; self-sacrificing; giving yourself to others.

Filious Love

Brotherly love; friend-based love.

Eros Love

Romantic or passionate love.

Storge

Familial love (love for family).

Societal view of dating

Considered Eros because of society, but meant to be Filious.

Purpose of dating

To find a marital partner, not for the "fun of it."

Holiness and Marital Status

Holiness is not dependent on our marital status.

Vocational Equality

Single — Married — Ordained = equal holiness.

Being Single (Commitment)

Allows free time for commitments to doing good (ex: soup kitchen).

Risk of no commitments

Tendency to have an egocentrist / materialistic mindset.

Vocation Timeline

No time limit, but Marriage/Baby has a biological time limit.

Choice & Chance

Play an important role in vocation, but God continues to call.

Advantages of Being Single

Not tied down by obligations; flexibility; less expensive (some areas); greater commitment.

Disadvantages of Being Single

No one to talk to; more expensive (taxes); loneliness; no one to go to except friendships.

Single Life Categories

Temporary / Permanent.

Single by Circumstance

Example: 18 y/o single by circumstance of age.

Single by Virtue

Example: 27 y/o single by virtue of that circumstance.

Why Marriage is Delayed

Contraceptives, college, financial need is not as important, age expectancy increasing.

Freedom

The ability to make decisions based on his/her convictions, needs, or goals.

Dorothy Day

Co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement; lived single life with Christian freedom.

Peter Maurin

Co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement.

Egocentrism

A self-centered / selfish outlook.

Solitude

Being alone for thought, creative pursuits, rest, learning, or prayer.

Flannery O’Connor

One of the most original and respected U.S. fiction writers of this century.

Loneliness

A feeling of sadness from being alone.

Dag Hammarskjöld

Swedish UN Secretary-General (1953-1961); understood loneliness as a single person.

Jean Donovan

24 y/o with a master's in economics and executive position who chose a life of service.

Choice and Chance

Important factors in a vocation, though God continues to call the individual.

Storgue (Storge)

Familial love; the natural bond between parents and children.

The Goal of Dating @ 18

To focus on Filious love (friendship) rather than being pressured into Eros.

Primary Purpose of Dating

To find a marital partner, not merely for "the fun of it."

Vocational Equality

The belief that Single, Married, and Ordained lives offer equal paths to holiness.

Holiness & Marital Status

Holiness is not dependent on whether a person is married or single.

Single Life "Freedom"

The ability to make decisions based on convictions, needs, or goals without domestic ties.

Commitment to Good

Using the flexibility of single life for service, such as a soup kitchen.

Risk of No Commitments

The tendency to develop an egocentric or materialistic mindset.

Egocentrism

A self-centered or selfish outlook on life; a potential trap of the single life.

Loneliness

A painful feeling of sadness or "emptiness" resulting from being alone.

Single by Circumstance

Being single due to external factors like age (e.g., being 18 years old).

Single by Virtue/Choice

A deliberate decision to remain single to focus on a specific calling or service.

Delayed Marriage: Contraceptives

A modern factor that has separated sex from the immediate need for marriage.

Delayed Marriage: College

The trend of staying in higher education longer, pushing marriage back.

Delayed Marriage: Life Expectancy

Increased longevity means people feel less "rush" to marry young.

Delayed Marriage: Financial Independence

The decreased financial necessity for a partner in modern society.

Vocation: Natural Process

Vocations often unfold naturally; one should not let societal pressure weigh them down.

Vocation: Biological Time Limit

Unlike other vocations, marriage has a biological limit regarding children.

Choice & Chance

The two factors that, alongside God's call, play a role in one's vocation.

Jean Donovan

A 24-year-old martyr and lay missioner who left a successful career to serve in El Salvador.

The "Common Good"

The primary focus of single people who use their freedom to serve society.

Single Life "Not a Holding Pattern"

The concept that being single is a full vocation now, not just waiting for marriage.

Advantages: Flexibility

The ability to change locations or jobs easily without affecting a family.

Advantages: Expenses

Some costs may be lower (less food/space) compared to supporting a family.

Disadvantages: Expenses

Financial burdens like higher taxes or paying full rent alone.

Disadvantages: Support System

The lack of a primary "go-to" person, relying instead on various friendships.

Shimek (2026) Quote

"Putting your best foot forward makes you sexy" (confidence in one's vocation).

Chastity in Single Life

Living out one's sexuality with integrity according to the single state.

Ministry

The various ways single people serve the Church through their unique availability.

Transitional Single Life

A temporary stage of life before moving into a permanent vocation.

Layperson

A member of the Church who is not ordained (includes single and married people).