Beauty & the Beast

Cogsworth lines!

Maurice: Hello?

Well, now you’ve done it! I told you not to let him in!

Maurice: Is anyone home?

If we keep quiet, maybe he’ll go away.

Maurice: Is someone here?

Not a word, Lumiere, not one word!

Maurice: AH!

And goodbye!

Maurice: Wait…wait…wait! You’re a clock! And you’re talking!

Astonishing, isn’t it? And quite inexplicable. Good-bye.

Lum: Cogsworth! I’m surprised at you. Where are your manners…?

We’ve got to get him out of here before the Master finds out!

Maurice: This is incredible! How is this accomplished?

Really sir…if you’d just… Ow! Stop that! Hee-hee…stop it…stop it, I say! Really, sir…do you mind?

Maurice: Well, I’m stumped. Maybe it’s some kid of a new-fangled scientific gadget.

I…sir…a not a gadget!

Maurice: I beg your pardon. I don’t mean to be rude. It’s just that I’ve never seen a ta...a tal…a talking…AAAACHOOOO!

Bless you.

Lum: You’re chilled to the bone, Monsieur. Come. Warm yourself by the fire.

No! I forbid it! Lumiere…as head of this household, I demand that you stop right there! Ohhh, not the Master’s chair! I’m not seeing this. I’m not seeing this.

Maurice: Oh! Well! Hello!

All right! This has gone far enough! I’m in charge here and…!

Maurice: Oh, yes please!

No! No tea! He’ll be here all night…no tea!

Lum: Veronique

Lumiere! Listen to me! We’ve got to get him out of here! Do you have any idea what the Master will do if he finds out we let a stranger in…

Lum: No…no…remain calm. There is absolutely no reason to panic.

Lumiere is right. There’s absolutely no reason to panic. May I borrow this?

Beast: Who let him in?

M…Master…May I take this opportunity to say, I was against it from the start!

Belle: Then I’ll find him myself!

Couldn’t keep quiet, could we? Just had to invite him to stay, didn’t we? Serve him tea, sit in the Master’s chair…

Lum: I was trying to be hospitable!

Rubbish

Lum: Ah, Cogsworth, can you blame me for trying to maintain what’s left of our humanity? Look at us. Look at you!

What about me?

Lum: You always were insufferable. But every day, you become just a little more inflexible…a little more tightly wound…a little more ticked off!

Please, spare me the stupid puns.

Lum: At least, we are not as far gone as some of the others. You saw what happened to Michelle.

She always was too vain about her looks. And that’s exactly what she’s become.

Lum: A vanity

Little drawers, mirror…the works.

Lum: And poor Jean-Claude.

Who?

Lum: Jean-Claude. You remember him, not too bright, dumb as…

…a brick?

Lum: The whole wall.

Jean-Claude’s a brick wall?

 Lum: That’s him in the kitchen, behind the stove.

Tsk…tsk.

Lum: And you know Guillaume…the houseboy?

That mealy-mouthed little bootlicker! I’ve never liked him. He’s always groveling at the Master’s feet.

Lum: He’s a doormat.

Perfect.

Lum: It’s happening faster with some of the others, but we are not far behind. Slowly but surely, as every day passes, we will all gradually become…things.

But why did we have to get dragged into this whole spell business? It’s not like we threw that poor old beggar woman out on her ear.

Lum: No, but are we not responsible too? For helping to make him the way he is?

I suppose so.

Lum: All I know is…I will eventually melt away to nothing. I only hope there’s something left of me if the Master ever breaks the spell.

Hold on, old man. We’ve got to hold on.

Lum: It’s a girl!

Yes, of course, I can see it’s a girl! It’s a girl!!!

Lum: Mademoiselle!

Now Lumiere, let me do all the talking.

Lum: Yoohooo…

As head of the household, I should do most of the talking!

Lum: Cherie!

A word. Just a word! That’s all I’m asking for!

Lum: This is the one! The girl we have been waiting for. She has come to break the spell!

Wait a minute…wait a minute…let’s not be hasty!

Lum: Isn’t it wonderful? After all these years! Oh happy, happy day!

Stop it! Stop that!

Lum: We should tell the others, no?

Yes, I mean no! I mean…wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Potts: Well, what is it?

Is dinner ready, Mrs. Potts?

Potts: Just about. I haven’t the foggiest idea what she likes to eat, so I’ve cooked up everything in the kitchen.

Good…good. Yes, well? Don’t just stand there gaping, get back to work!

Lum: Now don’t get upset, but you’ve got..something on your back.

What on earth are you talking about?

Lum: Now don’t get upset, but you’ve got…something on your back

What on earth are you talking about? AH! What is that?

Lum: It appears to be a winding handle, of sorts

Well, get it off me!

Lum: It won’t come off

What do you mean it won’t come off? It wasn’t there last night when I went to bed. Where did it come from? Why is this happening to me?

Lum: Just try to relax…

Relax? Relax?!?! How can I relax with this appendage on my back? Is there no dignity left for me? And what’s going to go next… my mind?

Lum: Calm down. It will be all right.

I’m frightened, Lumiere

Beast: It’s time for dinner. Where is she?

Perhaps I should see about her. Won’t be a minute.

Beast: Well?

What?

Beast: Where is she?

Whp? Oh, yes, the girl… well, actually she’s in the process of… circumstances being what they are… She’s not coming… She’s not coming

Beast: What did you say?

She’s not coming

Beast: We’ll see about that!

Your Lordship! Your grace! Your Eminence! Let’s not be hasty!

Lum: Master that may not be the best way to win the girl’s affections

Please… attempt to be a gentleman

Beast: I’ll give her one last chance. Would you be so kind as to join me for dinner?

Aahaahaaaa…P…P…

Lum: What were we thinking? We will never be human again

So, it appears

Potts: Well, what would two have us do? Give up? I can’t give up until I hear the sound of my boy’s laughter as he runs through these halls again!

Quite right Mrs. Potts! We mustn’t give up while there’s still a chance. Lumiere, stand watch at the door and if there’s the slightest change, inform me at once.

Potts: I like this girl. I like her spunk

Well if you ask me, she was just being stubborn. After all, he did say ‘please’

Potts: Oh there you are dearie. Glad to see you out and about

I am Cogsworth, head of the household

Lum: Cogsworth! The girl! I swear my eyes never left the… Enchantee, mademoiselle

This is Lumiere… Stop it! Stop that! If there is anything we can do for you to make your stay more comfortable. Anything… anything at all.

Belle: I am a little hungry.

Except that.

Potts: Cogsworth!

Well, you heard what the Master said!

Potts: Oh pish tosh! I’m not about to let the poor child go hungry!

Fine. Glass of water, crust of bread, and then…

Lum: Cogsworth I am surprised at you. She’s not a prisoner, she’s our guest! We must make her feel welcome here!

All right, dinner. But keep it down! If the master finds out it’ll be our necks!

Lum: Of course… of course! But what is dinner without a little music?

MUSIC?

Belle: Oh Lumiere, thank you for dinner. It was delicious.

Good show, everyone! Well done! Oh my goodness, look at the time. Off to bed!

Belle: Oh, I couldn’t possibly go to bed now. It’s my first time in an enchanted castle

Enchanted! Who said anything about the castle being enchanted? It was you, wasn’t it?

Lum: Perhaps you would like a tour?

Wait a minute… wait a minute. I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. We can’t have you know who, go poking around you know where… if you know what I mean

Belle: Perhaps you’d like to take me. I’m sure you know everything there is to know about the castle.

Well… actually, I do! May I draw your attention to our hand painted ceiling complete with cherubs frolicking in delight amidst the nymphs and centaurs…

Beast: Act like a gentleman… act like a gentleman… This’ll be good. Oh, Belle? Belle?

Now if you will note the unusual inverted archways, you will see that this is yet another example of the late neo-classic baroque period. And…as I always say… if it’s not baroque, don’t fix it! May I draw your attention to the flying buttresses above the aviary…?

Beast: Act like a gentleman… I am nothing but a fool.

And thanks to some quick thinking on my part the disaster was averted. And that was the last time a stone of that weight was quarried in this area.

Belle:? What’s up there?

NOTHING! Nothing at all of any interest in the West WIng!

Belle: I wonder what he’s hiding up there

Hiding! What an idea! Hiding!

Belle: Then it wouldn’t be forbidden, would it?

Perhaps Mademoiselle would like to see something else. We have exquisite tapestries dating all the way back to Aloysious the Pretentious…

Lum: With books!

Oh yes! Scads of books! Mountains of books! Forests of books! Cascades! Cloudbursts! Swamps of books!

Lum: Books with pictures! Books with words!

More books than you could ever be able to read in a lifetime!

Lum: So, the ice is broken… at last

And not a moment too soon either. Have you taken a good look at the Rose lately? It’s losing petals at an alarming rate!

Potts: How about we warm you two up a bit with a nice bowl of soup?

Soup?

Beast: When she smiles at me… I get all choked up. My heart starts pounding and I can’t breathe!

Good!

Beast: I want to give her something… but what?

Well, there’s the usual things: flowers, chocolates, promises you don’t intend to keep.

Beast: I’m not sure I can do that

You must!

Beast: I can’t

You must!

Beast: How will I know when the moment is right?

You’ll feel slightly nauseous

Beast: I must speak from the… I can’t

You must!

Beast: I’m afraid she might…

She might what?

Lum: Somehow my prince, you must find the courage to take that chance

Master look at the rose! There’s so little time left

Beast: No…I…

Dance with her!

Beast: I must speak from…

…the heart!

Beast: I’ll never see her again

Well, sire, I must say. Everything is going just swimmingly. I knew you had it in you!

Beast: I let her go

You what?

Beast: I had to

But why?

Potts: It’s not enough. She has to love him in return.

And now it’s too late

Babette: Ooooooooooh

Tally ho! Tally ho!

Lum: Mrs. Potts!

What’s happening here?

Lum: Cogsworth!

Stop it! Stop that!

Lum: The spell is broken!

What?

Lum: We’re human again!

Lumiere! Come here!

Prince: Let’s go find your father!

Who was that young man?

Lum: The Prince

No it wasn’t!

Lum: Yes it was

No it wasn’t

Babette: Lumiere… I like you better this way too

Madame… May I say that you look ravishing!

Wardrobe: Thank you, Cogsworth. Do you like the gown? I simply can’t believe it fits me again… after all these years

It’s magnificence in excelsius

Wardrobe: Did you know… I wore this the night I performed at the Royal Opera? The King himself was there…

I know my dear. You were wonderful.