CFS 3070: Dr. Plauche Final Exam

Chapter

relationship maintenance

behaviors and thoughts that promote staying together and remaining satisfied (intentional or not)

intimacy process model

According to this view, intimacy arises from interactions in which person A discloses or expresses important self-relevant thoughts and feelings to person B and, based on person B's response, person A comes to feel understood, validated, and cared for. The behaviors displayed by person A and person B, and the interpretive filters guiding their perceptions of one another's behaviors, are presumed to be reflections of their motives, needs, goals, and fears.

empathy

the capacity to understand and share another person’s thoughts and feelings

positive implications

If you have positive thoughts and feelings, how does empathy affect it? (opposite for negative)

shared activities, social support, capitalization, and forgiveness

What are the ways of maintaining intimacy?

self-expansion model

focuses on the behaviors of the two people in the relationship

* an example of shared activities
* as people learn about each other, they gain knowledge and resources, expanding ones self

what shared activities add to a relationship

* self-expansion adds to relationship satisfaction
* once people know each other well, it is difficult to maintain self-expansion
* engaging in new and novel activities with one’s partner can foster self-expansion

avoiding relationship boredom

According to the self-expansion model, intimate relationships provide fewer rewards with the passing of time because the rapid self-expansion of the intense early phase diminishes. Engaging in new and challenging shared activities can reverse this effect and restore feelings of closeness.

social support

responsiveness to another’s needs

* frequently assumed to be positively related to relationship satisfaction and stability

invisible social support

Is invisible social support or visible social support more beneficial?

invisible social support

support that partners are not aware is given

* provides partners with the benefit of help without causing them to question their abilities

visible social support

support that partners are aware of

capitalization

intimacy process model relies on partners sharing negative information

relies on partners sharing positive information

* partner A shares positively with Partner B
* partner B responds positively and with understanding to Partner A
* partner B feels a greater sense of intimacy with partner B

failing to capitalize

Responding to a partner’s positive experience with passive or destructive comments could defeat an opportunity to strengthen the relationship. Active, constructive responses let partners express admiration, recognize shared resources, and deepen memories of positive events.

forgiveness

addresses how one partner responds to the negative behavior of the other partner.

ingredients of forgiveness

motivation on an intrapersonal level:

* the wronged partner wants to be kind to the other person rather than feel anger and a thirst for vengeance

behavior on an interpersonal level:

* The wronged partner lets the other know he or she no longer feels anger or a thirst for vengeance.

silent forgiveness

if there is a change in intrapersonal motivation but no change in interpersonal behavior

hollow forgiveness

if there is a change in interpersonal behavior but no change in intrapersonal motivation

two sides of forgiveness

In an intimate relationship, when one person feels hurt or betrayed, however, a superficial apology might not be enough to gain forgiveness.

forgiveness is most likely

* transgression was minor
* victim has empathy, agreeableness, and low level of neuroticism
* transgressor apologizes
* relationship contains a high level of commitment and satisfaction

phases of forgiveness

* impact
* meaning
* moving on

impact

the victim absorbs what happened and how the transgressor acted

meaning

the victim tries to find an explanation for the transgression

moving on

the victim moves past the transgression

importance of sex

* most sexual activity occurs within committed relationships
* partners value the sexual component of their relationship above other aspects

sexual satisfaction

each partner’s evaluation of the sexual aspect of their relationship

* large overlap with overall relationship satisfaction

belief systems, attachment style, and gender

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Strength of the association between sexual and relationship satisfaction varies according to…

good sex = good relationship

In longitudinal studies of newly established relationships, there is a bidirectional relationship between a good sex life and relationship satisfaction.

* Satisfying sex increases relationship satisfaction.


* Higher relationship satisfaction increases overall sexual satisfaction.

In relationships that have lasted over 10 years, the quality of the couple’s sex life predicts their overall relationship satisfaction.

involuntary celibacy

is the situation in which a person goes without sex for an extended period of time despite experiencing sexual desire.

* less satisfied in their relationship
* many reasons people may stay in sexless relationship

in the beginning

When is sexual desire at it’s most active because of it’s aroused novelty and risk?

feelings of security and familiarity

What is commitment reinforced by?

* low desire in women is related to this
* couples have sex less frequently as they get older

Course of sexual desire

Peaks in the first year of the sexual relationship then declines significantly in the second year

* then stabilizes after second year

Though frequency declines, passion stays constant in many relationships

* 75% 65-80 year olds report being sexually satisfied

quantity

the longer time spent having sex and longer average time per sexual interaction predict greater relationship satisfaction

* amount of time spent must be sufficient to maintain an intimate connection with one’s partner
* no additional benefits to having sex more than twice per week

True

Sex with a motive other than connecting with one’s partner can lead to lower levels of sexual and relationship satisfaction. T/F

technique

* women higher satisfaction when consistently reach orgasm


* men higher satisfaction when partner consistently reaches orgasm


* participating in oral or masturbation together are more likely to reach orgasm

variety

particular behaviors are not associated with greater sexual satisfaction, but more of this is positively associated with sexual satisfaction.

responsiveness

Overall sexual satisfaction is related to factors associated with the relationship itself, such as:

•Being in a relationship versus casual sexual encounters

•Level of commitment in the relationship

•Mutual respect

•Good communication

good communication

couples with more positive nonsexual interactions have higher sexual satisfaction and higher frequency of sex

feel special and perceived as more attractive to outsiders

Partners feel stronger sexual desire when their partner has been responsive to their feelings because:

enjoyable and survival of species

What are the two most common responses as to why people have sex?

strengthening pairbonds

Behaviors associated with sex, such as close physical proximity, eye contact, and vulnerable self-disclosure, prompt the secretion of hormones associated with…

sexual afterglow

a period of elevated closeness and well-being following a sexual interaction

* can last up to 3 days after interaction

approach motive

the desire to pursue rewards of having sex

avoidance motive

desire to avoid costs of not having sex

approach motive

What motive is strongly associated with satisfying sexual interactions?

compensate for relationship vulnerabilities

* relationships with greater negative affectivity have lower levels of relationship satisfaction only when having sex less frequently
* more frequent sexual interactions decrease impacts of insecure attachment style on relationship satisfaction

positive influence on health

* sex can fight infections
* older adults with more sex
* fewer heart problems
* better memory
* better cognitive performance
* lower cholesterol
* reduces physical symptoms
* affects hormone levels
* burns calories

declining frequency of sex in America

the causes of this are

* finding time
* household labor
* pornography use
* negotiating differences

finding time

* americans work more
* time parenting has doubled
* activities take up free time

household labor

though gender equality is advancing women spend more time doing this compared to men

* couples who divide it more have higher frequency and satisfaction in their sexual relationships

pornography

creates unrealistic standards and decreases sexual satisfaction with one’s partner through contrasting effects

frequent use associated with decreases in:

* sexual satisfaction
* relationship satisfaction
* relationship commitment

men → negative impact on the relationship

women → report more sexual satisfaction

couples who watch together → more likely to report positive impact on sex life

negotiating differences

couples find it hard to talk about:

* sexual coercion
* some feel they can’t say no

sexual coercion

using verbal strategies, physical means, or other manipulative tactics to pressure a partner into having unwanted sex

3 themes arise from the victim’s perspective:

* persistence: continuing to be asked despite refusing
* giving in is the only way to stop it
* lower relationship satisfaction, feelings of guilt and self-blaming, and deterioration of relationship over time

constructive ways to negotiate

remind partner they are still wanted, attractive, and desirable and tone of voice is highly important in how they interpret the message (intimacy process model)

why do partners disagree

conflict = competing goals

* partners have many different goals
* at some point, each partner will have different goals

children

What is the largest thing that partners disagree about?

behavioral building blocks of conflict

* problems come up when couples who mis manage typical couple disagreements
* interactions of couples’ disagreements are studied through a coding system
* emotional tone and verbal tone

model of marital interaction

unhappy partners engage in less positive behavior and more negative behavior

* accompanied by negative affect

unhappy have more predictable patterns of behaviors

* engage in longer periods of negative reciprocity

deconstructive strategies of problem solving

* blaming your partner
* contempt
* hostility
* ultimatums
* interrupting your partner

constructive problem solving

* active listening
* staying focused
* recognizing own fault
* understanding partners position and opinions
* raising issues in neutral and gentle way
* letting partner finish their thoughts

congnitive editing

happy couples tend to view each other’s behaviors in a more positive light than unhappy couples do

reactivity hypothesis

unhappy couples tend to be vigilant for negative behaviors and tend to respond in kind

example: a man asking for salt and a woman takes that as an insult and uses it as evidence for being treated unfairly.

talk table

technique that helps to identify sources of a miscommunication between couples

demand/withdraw pattern

one partner wants a change and pushes the other for discussion on the topic; the other partner does not respond

* more likely when the woman wants the change
* wives demand and husbands withdraw
* more likely when one wants more change than the other (unhappy)
* can make a polarized relationship: each partner takes an opposing viewpoint on a disagreement

infidelity

a violation of an agreement between two people that they will share their intimate, emotional, and sexual lives exclusively with each other

negotiating and violating exclusivity

* not often explicitly discussed but sexual exclusivity is expected by the vast majority of people
* infidelity suspicions can lead to jealousy and weakening of trust

emotional infidelity

occurs when more energy is put into a relationship with someone other than the primary partner

* most do not agree on what constitutes this

sexual infidelity

most agree on this

* intercourse and oral sex

behaviors that constitute infidelity

explicit sexual acts are clearly infidelity, but so are behaviors signaling desire to be sexually involved with another person

varying factors of infidelity

* types of relationships
* ages of partners
* stages of a relationship
* length of a relationship

rates of infedelity

* In North America and Western Europe found 25-30% of people have been unfaithful
* men and women have similar rates of emotional infidelity online
* men 3 times more likely to be sexually unfaithful
* 80% reported believing their partner was unfaithful but only 65% actually were
* married couples are less likely to be unfaithful
* 23% of men and 12% of women have had an extramarital affair
* in any year 4% men and 2% women will have an affair

evolutionary theory on infidelity

* extrapair mating is thought to increase the chance for reproductive success
* men → it will increase the number of potential offspring with their gene (62% related to genetic factors)
* women → increase the genetic quality and diversity of their offspring (40% related to genetic factors)
* low dopamine sensitivity is related to a higher likelihood of infidelity

sociosexuality

the willingness to have sex outside a committed relationship

* stable over time
* people who are higher are more likely to cheat and have an avoidant or dismissing attachment style
* red flag of infidelity

infidelity red flags

* low levels of commitment
* generally dissatisfying
* sexually disconnected
* poor communication skills

risky context

situations that lead to someone other than a primary partner being available for emotional and sexual encounters

* most infidelity occurs with people with whom we are familiar or comfortable with
* most common in the summer months

risky business

Several characteristics of individuals, their primary relationship, and their context combine to increase the likelihood that the risk of infidelity will transform into an actual violation of emotional or sexual exclusivity.

* setting the stage → on the slippery slope → crossing the line

aftermath of infidelity

* sexual promotes anger and emotional promotes hurt and sadness
* admitting encourages forgiveness but being caught results in more relationship disruption
* more humiliating the experience → lower likelihood of forgiveness

gender differences in infidelity

* men - sensitive to sexual infidelity
* women - threatened by emotional infidelity
* LGBTQ+ relationships don’t demonstrate a difference

infidelity and divorce

leading cause of divorce

* similar predictors
* therapy unlikely to help in the future of the relationship

2 perspectives on aggression

family sociology perspective : suggests women and men perpetrate violence equally or women perpetuate more

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advocacy perspective: sees violence as a result of the oppression of women and as almost always perpetuated by men

situational couple violence

is conflict interaction that gets out of hand and turns physical

* more severe acts of abuse occur
* men and women behave this way
* reactive: reflects partners’ feelings of frustration and hostility in the middle of a conflict

predictors

* situational factors rather than personality
* does not carry from relationship to relationship

coercive controlling violence

the goal is to dominate the other partner through aggression

* common in males against females
* proactive: systematic and sustained strategy to intimidate another person and control their behavior

best predicted by personality traits and background of the aggressor:

* most likely to repeat behaviors in new relationships

Victim may engage in violent resistance

warning signs of abusive relationships

Victims

* feel afraid and confused
* subjected to invalidation and belittling

Perpetrators

* attempt to control their victim
* make threats and display aggressive acts

sociocultural perspective on aggression

violence is common in the media; when partners disagree, violent responses may come to mind

interpersonal perspective on aggression

common couple violence is a product of the two people involved. If their communication skills are poor; they may turn to violence

intraindividual perspective on aggression

common couple violence is a product of people’s backgrounds. If their parents engaged in it, they are more likely to do so as well

information processing

How we link experiences to meaning?

* beliefs: idea or theory about what relationships are like
* value: an opinion or attitude about what relationships should be like

assembling relationship knowledge

* specific observations; my partner makes great lasagna
* mid-range beliefs about partner: my partner is a good cook and my partner is talented
* general feelings or evaluations about the relationship itself: I love my partner

evaluating our relaationships

* evaluate against their own beliefs and values
* people vary in their beliefs

ideal standards model: the more people’s current relationship differs from their ideals, the less satisfied they are with the relationship

perpetual confirmation

occurs when people use their existing relationship beliefs and values to interpret ambiguous behaviors of their partners

* relationship interpretations usually confirm our existing beliefs

behavioral confirmation

people’s behavior toward their partner matches their specific relationship beliefs and values

* self-fulfilling prophesy: their partner will likely respond in accordance with their behavior

beliefs and values affect

* how they evaluate their relationship satisfaction
* how they interpret their partner’s behaviors
* how they behave toward their partner

motivated reasoning

People use this to support interpretations that have positive outcomes for them

People have motives and biases to explain behaviors

* there are limits to these motivations

motive

people would prefer to reach certain conclusions about their partner

bias

people interpret the information available to help reach their desired conclusions

enhancement

motive: everyone wants to be in a relationship with a wonderful person

bias: people are motivated to process information that supports the desired positive belief

* people frequently see their partners more positively than their partners see themselves

accuracy

motive: people are motivated to view their partners accurately, especially when making crucial decisions

diagnosticity bias: people show a preference for information that indicates important qualities about a partner

confirmation bias: people feel they can predict what their partner will do and how their partner is likely to respond

justification motive

a preference for information that suggests that we are moral and reasonable

* people want to feel they have reached correct conclusions
* sentiment override: even if people think relationship is not good, they are motivated to think that this conclusion is correct

self-serving bias

the tendency for people to feel that they themselves are good people

* take more credit for the success
* blame external factors for failure
* can contribute to partners feeling like they do more house work or that their partner is the reason for separation

responding to negative

* every day you learn new information about your partner
* information contributes to general view of the partner
* when specific behaviors support a general conclusion, the conclusion is more resilient to observations that conflict it
* most discover negative
* yet motivated to maintain positive view