Godspell Lines - John/Judas - Act 1

kill me

“after prepare ye”

You vipers’ brood! Who warned you to escape from the coming retribution?

Then prove your repentance by the fruit it bears. Already the axe is laid to the roots of

the trees; and every tree that fails to produce good fruit shall be cut down and thrown on

the fire. I baptize you with water, for repentance sake...

But He who comes after me is mightier than I. I am not fit to take off his shoes.

He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.

Okay!

Do you come to me?

Yeah, I wanna get washed up

I need rather to be baptized by you

You shall NEVER enter the kingdom of heaven.

OOMPAH’s and LALALAL’s throughout whole sceen

You hear what the unjust judge says; and will not God vindicate his chosen, who cry out to him day and night while he sits listening patiently to him?

Will he Jesus? WILL HE?

I tell you, he will vindicate them soon enough

YAY!

Because 2 men, I said 2 men

Hallelujah!

Went off to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee

BOOOOO

and the other a tax gatherer

ahhhh

“Oh, God, have mercy on me, sinner that I am!”

Halleujah! Amen! (fan self)

every man who humbles himself shall..

be.. EXAULTED

father in heaven (Jacey gets up)

shall be exaulted

addie slow mo kill margaux

(slow mo) NO MARGAUX

emily hits delaney

BOOOO

emily kisses delaney

awww

There once was a king

yeah yeah

who decided to settle accounts with the men who served him

yeah yeah yeah!

Well, at the outset there appeared before the master a man whose debt ran into the

millions.

What?

I said millions!

Woah

Since the man had no means of paying the money, the master ordered him to be sold to

meet the debt with his wife...

No!

And his child..

Woah

Yay! Huzzah! What a great master!!

Wait a minute! That’s not the end of the story. No sooner had the man gone out than he

met a fellow servant who owed him a few dollars. He gripped him by the throat and

said

“Pay me what you owe me!”

The man threw himself at his fellow servant’s feet and begged him, saying:

And so angry was the master that he condemned the man to torture until he could pay

the debt in full.

Unh-unh-unh.

Now. You’ve heard that they were told: An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But

what I tell you is this: Never set yourself against a man who wrongs you.

So if someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn and offer him your left.

Oh, Jeeeeesus Chr...

mason slap me

(*beat his ass, but stop*)

ring ring ring..

hello!

Its for you, its your father… he wants you to friend him on facebook! (when he doesn’t laugh, turn to the cheek)

Now, if a man sues you for your shirt...

PICTIONARY! (block blast)

I know, give him your coat as well!

YAYYY

Charades!

1. track

2. a

3. cowboy

I know! Go with him two!

YAYY

A man (BRANDON) on his way to Jericho

Was set upon by robbers

oh oh oh! (everytime he gets beat)

stripped him

eek!

And he passed on the other side.

And he passed on the other side

And HE passed on the other side.

And he passed on the other side

But then there happened upon the man A poor and lowly...

... Samaritan!

First he took pity, then he took time

He bathed the man's wounds in oil and wine

(as Samaritan pours and drinks)

Glug Glug Glug Glug Glug Glug

He bandaged his wounds and carried him

Right to the nearest Comfort Inn

Doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo doo doooo

Now which of these three was a neighbor to the man? The priest, the judge, or the

Samaritan.

The Samaritan!

You win the prize!

Now all of you go and do likewise.

Doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo doo doo

Doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Doo doo doo doo doo doo!

(Maleah jump on me

(To audience, smugly)

It’s a secret!

What the Good Master is telling us is that when God tells a little secret on us, the angels

write it down in a big...

Reward you!!!

(JESUS pops a champagne popper behind JUDAS’ back and JUDAS happily tries to catch the

streamers. With a gesture of encouragement from JESUS, JUDAS narrates the next story.)

There was once a rich man who dressed in purple and the finest linen,...

You’re fired!

...and every day feasted in great magnificence.

I like my Trump steaks done medium well, if you can’t do that, you’re fired.

At his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus...

Lazarus! Come on down!

...who would have been glad to have satisfied his hunger with the scraps from the rich

man’s table.

Hi, I’m Lazarus. Would it be possible to have a scrap of bread from your table? Or a

Pop-Tart?

Even the doggy-doggies used to come and lick his open, running sores.

Well, one day Lazarus died...

...and was carried away...

get up!

...to be with Abraham and the angels.

The rich man also died and was buried in Hades...

What is this, a Hilton?

...where he was in torment!

He looked up and there, far away, was Abraham with Lazarus close beside him.

No man can serve God...

What!?

...and money!

Oh, money! (walk around saying cha ching)

There once was a rich man whose land yielded heavy crops. He cared not for the people

who tended his crops, though they worked long hours and were paid a fraction of the

rich man’s salary.

Occupy Gami!! Occupy Galloway!

Well, what are we to eat?

Don’t ask that!

Set your mind ...where?

God! (point up) (laugh at gabe)

For theirs is the kingdom of Heaven!

Blessed are you!

...When men shall revile you and persecute you and say all manner of evil against you

... falsely.

Now—how can you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye, when all the

time there’s this great plank in your own?

I don’t know. How can you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye when all

the time there’s this great plank in your own?

Or—How can you take the speck of sawdust out of your brother’s eye when there’s this

great plank in your own?

I don’t know. How can you take the speck of sawdust out of your brother’s eye when

there’s this great plank in your own?

You hypocrite! (JUDAS gasps) First you take the plank out of your own eye so you can

see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s.

I’m sorry, I just can’t see it that way.

...Who sent him on the farm to mind the swine.

Swine!

He would have been glad to have filled his belly with the pods that the pigs were eating…

Oink, oink, buster!

And let us have a feast to celebrate the day, for this son of mine was lost and is found.”

And the festivities began!

Now, the elder son was out on the farm, working.

Whew!

And on his way back, as he

approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called to one of the servants and

asked him what it meant. The servant said:

“Uh, uh, uh, your nephew

— nope, nope, nope, your cousin — nope, nope, your brother, yup, your brother’s come

back home again and your father’s killed the fatted calf ‘cause he has him back safe and

sound, yup, yup, yup!”

But the brother was ...

...irritated.

Oh, c’mon!

He was pretty damned mad! And refused to go in the house. The father came out and pleaded with him but he retorted: