Senate Halloween - 20 Senators 2025

Halloween 🎃
On Halloween night, 20 senators were accidentally locked inside the Capitol — only to discover it was haunted. Each senator’s response revealed their values.

Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

calmly declared, “I’ve been here longer than the ghosts. They’ll have to wait their turn.”

Ed Markey (D-MA)

carried a lantern powered by renewable energy, insisting the spirits needed a Green New Deal.

Elizabeth Warren already used, so swap in Jeff Merkley (D-OR)

— he began organizing a séance committee to ensure accountability from the ghosts.

Ron Wyden (D-OR)

started investigating whether the hauntings were a violation of Americans’ privacy.

Susan Collins already used, so swap in Angus King (I-ME)

— he negotiated with the spirits, asking for bipartisan haunting.

Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)

launched a “Me Boo” campaign, advocating protections for haunted women senators.

Cory Booker was used before, so swap in Robert Menendez (D-NJ)

— but he just nervously looked around, worried about corruption charges following him even into the afterlife.

Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH)

tried to calm everyone down, suggesting a bipartisan ghost task force.

Maggie Hassan (D-NH)

pushed to make sure even the smallest spirits had fair treatment.

Sheldon Whitehouse was used before, so swap in Jack Reed (D-RI)

— he analyzed whether the ghosts could serve in the armed forces.

Chris Coons (D-DE)

led a prayer circle, focusing on moral courage and faith in the face of fear.

Tom Carper (D-DE)

announced he’d seen many spooky nights in his long Senate career — this was nothing new.

Ben Cardin (D-MD)

insisted on diplomacy

John Fetterman already used, so swap in Sherrod Brown (D-OH)

— who yelled at the ghosts about protecting American workers.

Jon Husted (R-OH)

was adopted at a young age and was scared his biological parents would come back and force him to abandon conservative policies

Chuck Grassley already used, so swap in Roger Marshall (R-KS)

— he demanded the ghosts stop interfering with Kansas farmers.

Jerry Moran (R-KS)

checked the Capitol’s infrastructure, wondering if the ghosts could at least fix the leaky roof.

Thom Tillis (R-NC)

claimed he could legislate the spirits right out of the chamber.

Ted Budd (R-NC)

argued the real monsters were high taxes, not ghosts.

Bernie Sanders already used, so swap in Angus King was used too, let’s bring in Mark Warner (D-VA) — he tried negotiating a tech partnership between Silicon Valley and the ghosts.

By dawn, the senators staggered out of the haunted Capitol. Some swore they’d heard James Madison whisper, “Work together for once!”