Percy Jackson Lines - The Lightning Thief

🎵 THE DAY I GOT EXPELLED! 🎵

Maybe you don't know what a half-blood is, because your life is normal and happy and not constantly in danger. But my life...?

Let me set the scene:

(Grover bleats)

Dude, what was that?

🎵 THE DAY I GOT EXPELLED! 🎵

Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?

Grover: "Ask Nancy Bobofit. She's a monster. Not literally. I don't think."

She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?

Grover: "She threw a peanut butter sandwich at YOU. I stopped it. With my head."

Grover, you're a good friend.

Mrs. Dodds: "MR. JACKSON! Please see me by the sphinx."

Look... If this is about Nancy Bobofit, she only hates me because I stopped her from setting fire to those first-graders —

Mrs. Dodds: "I have heard much about you... Percy Jackson."

Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute...

Mrs. Dodds: "Kicked out of five schools in six years. One might question your parentage."

Hey, don't talk about my mom —

Mrs. Dodds: "... That's right... You don't know who he is."

How do you even know that?

Uh, Mrs. Dodds? You have something growing on your... AH!!!

Mr. Brunner: "What ho, Percy!"

Mr. Brunner? What am I supposed to do with a pen —

Sword! Whoa!

(Percy kills Mrs. Dodds)

... Mr. Brunner? ... Mrs. Dodds?

Um...

Mr. Brunner: "... And this was your final warning..."

But it wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds! She lured me away, she attacked me, and... You saw it!

Mr. Brunner: "Did I?"

You gave me that pen! Only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword, and... What?

Mr. Brunner: "... It was only a matter of time before —"

I got kicked out?

Mr. Brunner: "That's not what I —"

You think I'm trouble. Just like everyone else.

Mr. Brunner: "... I'm truly sorry."

Yeah well, I'm sorry I let you down...

Grover: "... You're not exactly..."

Normal?

(After "Prologue/ The Day I Got Expelled")

Hey Mom. How was your day? Mine was okay. We went on this field trip, I got expelled, I saw some super X-rated art, museums are crazy —

Sally: "The headmaster called me."

About the art?

Sally: "About the field trip."

Are you mad?

Sally: "... What happened, Percy?"

So first the math teacher turned into a demon, and then I had this sword —

Sally: "... We'll find another school. Again."

I'm not a bad kid on purpose.

Sally: "... Just the two of us."

Is that okay with "Smelly Gabe"?

Gabe: "... Who's gonna clean?"

My mom's not your servant.

Gabe: "Bean. Dip."

Aw man, has that guy ever heard of showers? Mom... you don't have to put up with him like that.

Sally: "It's complicated, Percy."

You always say that. Why?

🎵 IT'S TIME YOU FOUND OUT MORE ABOUT HIM. 🎵

Look at the size of those waves!

Sally: "... Don't tell me you're too old for blue food."

You met Dad on this beach?

Sally: "... And he warned me things might be hard if you were... like him."

Was he a screw-up too? I'm sorry, Mom, if I was only normal —

Sally: "... You're destined for great things."

The only thing I seemed destined for is detention.

(After "Strong")

So what is this place? Are you sending me to summer school?

Sally: "... But you deserve the truth."

You're acting like I'm never going to see you again. If it's just a summer camp...

Grover: "Baaaaah!"

Oh look, a goat. Hey little guy —

Grover: "Paaaa-ercy!"

AAAH! Grover? What are you doing here? ... And what happened to your legs?

Sally: "What happened on the field trip?"

You said it didn't matter!

Grover: "He met a Fury."

YOU'RE all furry! What happened to your legs?

Grover: "... I'm half-goat?"

And you couldn't have mentioned that sooner?

Sally: "Oh no."

What's a Minotaur?

Grover: "Half-bull."

Like you?

Grover: "I'm half-goat!"

Well, I'm sorry if this is a lot to take in right now!

Sally: "... Grover, you need to get Percy to the border."

What about you?

Grover: "You heard your mom!"

I'm not leaving her!

If Mrs. Dodds was really a monster, I hope you're really a sword...

Awesome!

Sally: "If you want my son, you have to answer to me."

Mom, no!

Mom?

(Sally is killed by the Minotaur)

Noooo!!!!

I got him!

Whoaa...

🎵 THIS IS WEIRD. 🎵

Oh look, a strange man in a Hawaiian shirt.

Annabeth: "You drool when you sleep."

Wait, what? Where am I?

Annabeth: "... Unless I gave you too much and it kills you."

Where is Grover? I had this dream, he was a goat, there was a bull, and my mom — Where is my mom?

Mr. D: "... Not for you. You'd be dead."

Where am I?

🎵 SO HE BETTER CLIP-CLOP OVER HERE. 🎵

It's Percy Jackson.

Mr. D: "... running a summer camp for a bunch of needy half-bloods."

Half-blood?

Mr. D: "... Does no one watch the orientation film?"

Did you say half-god?

🎵 I'M THE GOD OF WINE AND I'M DYING OF THIRST. 🎵

Wait, did you say you're a god?

Mr. Brunner: "Percy!"

Mr. Brunner? What are you doing here? This guy is saying all this crazy stuff about nymphs and gods, and... What is going ON?!?

(Speaking over Mr. D singing "Another Terrible Day")

Mr. Brunner!!!!

You're a horse!

What is happening?!

Mr. Brunner: "... Well. He hates children."

I thought you were a Latin teacher.

Mr. Brunner/ Chiron: "... Half-bloods... like you."

So everything that crazy guy said is true.

Chiron: "... And so are their children."

But I'm not... I mean, this has to be a mistake. Let me talk to my mom, she'll clear this up. Where is my mom?

Chiron: "... But a mortal woman, against a minotaur..."

It wasn't a dream. She's really gone.

Chiron: "I'm so sorry, Percy."

It's my fault. She was trying to protect me.

Chiron: "You mustn't blame yourself."

You say the gods are real. So how could they let that happen?

🎵 AND TRUST YOU WILL SEE THEIR SIGN. 🎵

If my dad's a god, I'd like to know which one. He's got a lot to answer for.

🎵 BUT IT'S CLEAR HE COULD'VE SHOWN US A SIGN. 🎵

So who is he?

Luke: "Tough first day?"

Before this morning, I didn't believe in any of this.

Luke: "Believing doesn't make it any easier. Trust me."

All this time I thought my dad was some dead-beat. Turns out...

Luke: "... You know, Old Wings-On-His-Shoes?"

Have you ever met him?

Luke: "Once?"

And?

Luke: "... Welcome to the dysfunctional family."

Thanks, Luke.

Grover: "... I'm the worst satyr in the world —"

Grover. I'm glad you're here.

Clarisse: "CAPTURE THE FLAG!"

What's going on? And are you ever going to wear pants again?

Luke: "You're going to need this."

It's a sword.

Luke: "Haven't you played Capture the Flag before?"

Not with swords.

(Swoosh the sound and make lightsaber noises)

Annabeth: "It's not a lightsaber."

You're my dream girl! I mean... the girl I saw... when I was dreaming...

Luke: "... I figure, if we find what you're good at, maybe that'll give us a clue about your dad."

I don't have any gifts.

Annabeth: "... Dyslexia too?"

Yeah, but —

Annabeth: "... Those are your battlefield reflexes."

So who's your dad?

Annabeth: "He's a history professor."

He's human? But I thought...

Annabeth: "... Sexist much?"

No! I mean, I love girls! I mean... I think they're really... nice!

Annabeth: "... It's about proving to the gods that we're tough, powerful and victorious in battle!"

She's kind of intense.

Grover: "You should see the captain of the other team."

Who's the captain of the other team?

Clarisse: "I am."

Ahh!

🎵 I'LL PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE. 🎵

We have to beat her?

Grover: "Yep. Hide in a tree!"

What about me? I don't know my talent yet.

Annabeth: "... Go to the boy's bathroom."

And?

(After the Battle scene)

Okay. Just stay here. Just stay in the bathroom, and stay out of...

Clarisse: "What's that noise?"

It's not me. It's — THE TOILET!!!

Grover: "Whoa, what happened here?"

I... had... an... accident?

Annabeth: "Not bad for your first day."

You set me up.

Annabeth: "I don't know what you're talking about."

You told me to go hide in the bathroom. You knew Clarisse would go after me. I was part of your plan!

Annabeth: "You mean distracting Ares' best warrior so I could capture their flag? Smart plan."

She could've killed me!

Annabeth: "The plan would've worked either way."

I thought Athena was all about books! And reading!

Annabeth: "... I need to prove to my mom I'm a champion, so I can get a quest."

A quest?

Annabeth: "... How'd you drench Clarisse the Beast anyway?"

I don't know, it was like the water in the toilet just responded to me...

What?

Annabeth: "I really hope that doesn't mean what I think it means..."

What? What does what mean?

🎵 SO I LEFT VIRGINIA AND I RAN AWAY. 🎵

Wait, is that true?

🎵 WHEN YOUR FOLKS RUN THE UNIVERSE. 🎵

Chiron! Who's your dad?

(Campers ad-lib "Percy's turn!" etc.)

Oh, no. If I try to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche.

Luke: "... Give it a shot."

Okay, um...

Silena: "Yeah, who's your godly parent?"

Oh... I don't know.

Luke: "Go on. Make your offering."

To my dad. Whoever he is!

Luke: "Check it out! The stars!"

What's going on?