Urinetown Little Sally Lines

LOCKSTOCK: It’s kind of a mythical place, you understand. A bad place you won’t see until Act Two. And the…? well, let’s just say it’s filled with symbolism and thing’s like that. But Urinetown “the musical,” well, here we are. Welcome. It takes place in a town like any town… that you might find in a musical. This here’s the first setting for the show. As the sign says it’s a “public amenity,” meaning public toilet. These people have been waiting for hours to get in; it’s the only amenity they can afford to get into.

Say, Officer Lockstock, is this where you tell the audience about the water shortage?

LOCKSTOCK: What’s that, Little Sally?

You know, the water shortage. The hard times. The drought. A shortage so awful that private toilets eventually became unthinkable. A premise so absurd that-

LOCKSTOCK: Woah there, Little Sally. Not all at once. They’ll hear more about the water shortage in the next scene.

Oh. I guess you don’t want to overload them with so much exposition, huh?

LOCKSTOCK: Everything in its time, Little Sally. You’re too young to understand it now, but nothing can kill a show like too much exposition.

How about bad subject matter?

LOCKSTOCK: Well-

Or a bad title, even? That could kill a show pretty good.

LOCKSTOCK: Later on you’ll learn that these public bathrooms are controlled by a private company. They keep admission high, generally, so if you’re down on your luck you have to come to a place like this - one of the poorest, filthiest urinals in town.

And you can’t just go in the bushes either - there’s laws against it.

LOCKSTOCK: That’s right, Little Sally. Harsh laws, too. That’s why Little Sally here’s counting her pennies. Isn’t that so, Little Sally?

I’m very close, Officer. Only a few pennies away.

PENNY: All right, folks, you know the drill. Form a line and have yer money ready. We’ll not be repeating yesterday’s fiasco, and that means you, Old Man Strong.

…Four hundred and ninety-six. Four hundred and ninety-seven. Just a few more. Penny for a pee, sir? Please, sir, spare a penny for a morning pee, sir?

SENATOR FIPP: What’s that?

Or a nickle or a dime?

SENATOR FIPP: Out of my way child! I’ve peeing of my own to tend to.

But-

LOCKSTOCK: Seize him!

*[Gasp!]

ACT 1 SCENE 3:

…Five hundred and thirty-seven, five hundred and thirty-eight, just a few more…

LOCKSTOCK: Well, hello there, Little Sally. Awfully late for a little girl to be out and about. Especially on a night like tonight.

Oh. Just tryin’ to scrape together a few coins before the late-night rush is all. Got one to spare?

LOCKSTOCK: Sure, Little Sally. I’m in a good mood tonight.

Gee, thanks. Say, Officer Lockstock, I was thinkin’. We don’t spend much time on hydraulics, do we?

LOCKSTOCK: Hydraulics?

You know, hydraulics. Hydration. Irrigation. Or just plain old laundry. Seems to me that with all the talk of water shortage and drought and whatnot, we might just spend some time on those things, too. After all, a dry spell would affect hydraulics, too, you know.

LOCKSTOCK: Why, sure it would, Little Sally. But… How shall I put it? Sometimes- in a muscial- it’s better to focus on one big thing rather than a lot of little things. The audience tends to be much happier that way. And it’s easier to write.

One big thing, huh?

LOCKSTOCK: That’s right, Little Sally.

Oh. They why not hydraulics?

LOCKSTOCK: Run along, then, Little Sally. Wouldn’t want to miss last call. Ms. Pennywise won’t hold the gate forever, you know.

Oh, yeah, right. Thanks for the coin! Bye!

BOBBY: In this darkness I’m afraid you can’t see me at all. But a bright, shining world is waiting to start, I can feel it. Come to Amenity Number Nine tomorrow. I’ll show it to you.

She loves him, doesn’t she, Officer Lockstock?

LOCKSTOCK: Sure, she does, Little Sally. He’s the hero of the show, she has to love him.

Yeah. Everyone loves Bobby Strong.

What’s it like, Officer Lockstock?

LOCKSTOCK: What’s what like, Little Sally?

Urinetown.

LOCKSTOCK: Oh, I can’t tell you that, Little Sally.

Why not?

LOCKSTOCK: Because it’s a secret, that’s why. Its power depends on mystery. I just just blurt it out, like “There is no Urinetown! We just kill people!” Oh, no. The information must be oozed out slowly, until it bursts forth in one mighty, cathartic moment! Somewhere in Act Two. With teverbody singing, and things like that.

Oh. I get it.

LOCKSTOCK: Well, I should be going. It’s time for the next scene.

The next morning at the amenity, when the new fee hikes are announced?

MCQUEEN: And so with this piece of paper the UGC awards Amenity Number Nine the first of our new and entirely legal fee hikes, which we hope you all will honor and enjoy.

*Enjoy?/Legal?/Etc.

BOBBY: DAILY WE BREAK THEM ‘CAUSE WE HAVE TO FOLLOW ORDERS.

Haven’t you enough Mrs. Strong?

BOBBY: I don’t think so. C’mon, Ma. This one’s on the house. For everyone! Forever!

*Hooray!

CALDWELL: That’s my amenity, Officers. I want all of these people taken away.

Officer Lockstock, what’s happening?

LOCKSTOCK: Why, it’s the Act One finale, Little Sally. This is where Claswell arrives to snuff out the uprising. It’s a big song-and-dance number involving the entire cast.

Snuff out the uprising? But what about Bobby’s dreams?

LOCKSTOCK: Well now, Little Sally, dreams only come true in happy musicals- and a few Hollywood movies- and this certainly isn’t either one of those. No, dreams are meant to be crushed. It’s nature’s way.

This may not be a happy musical, Officer Lockstock, but it’s still a musical. And when a little girl has been given as many lines as I have, there’s still hope for dreams!

BOBBY: The amenity will take as much as it has to, Ms. Pennywise. The days of deprivation are over for these people.

*Hooray!

CLADWELL: The days of depravation have just begun if this madness continues a moment longer.

*Ooooo!

BOBBY: Sure, Mister Cladwell, that’s what you’ve been saying for twenty years. And for twenty years we’ve waited for the long-term solutions that never came. Well, we’ve done waiting, you see, for a new day has dawned today. A day of hope and happiness when the idea of human dignity is more than just a forgotten notion but a living breathing reality. A day- this day- when the people pee for free, because the people are free!

*Hooray!

BOBBY:…SO INSENSITIVE, SO DULL? THINK OF TOMORROW, MISTER STRONG!

*But what of today?!

TINY TOM: No shorter than yesterday. Unless I’ve grown.

You can punish our bodies, Mister Cladwell, but you can never punish our spirits!

LOCKSTOCK: Where are they hiding, Little Sally?! Tell me and I’ll see things go easy on you.

Easy on me?! You mean like sending me to the nice part of Urinetown?!

LOCKSTOCK: That can be arranged.

Save it for one of your other stoolies, Officer Lockstock. My heart’s with the rebellion. And besides, the way I see it, I’m already in Urinetown. We all are. Even you.

LOCKSTOCK: Me? In Urinetown?

Sure. The way I see it, Urinetown isn’t so much a place as it is a metaphysical place.

LOCKSTOCK: Where’d she go?! Damn it. Welcome back, everybody. And enjoy— what’s left of the show! Little Sally… Little Sally… What did you mean by “metaphysical”?

*HEY!

HOT BLADES HARRY: I say five more seconds and then we let her have the rope. Five… Four, three, two, one!

Geez, that was a close one. Cops crawlin’ all over the place.

BECKY TWO SHOES: Little Sally! Where the hell have you been?

Spyin’ near the tower, is all. Cladwell and Fipp and Ms. Pennywise, they was all meetin’ up there. Some kind of- I don’t know what you want to call it- a quorum of some kind.

HARRY: That’s it, she gets the rope.

The rope?

BECKY: String her up!

Wait a minute! You can’t just give her the rope!

HARRY: Why not?!

Because killin’ her would make us no better than them.

BECKY: Haven’t you heard, Little sally? We are no better than them. In fact, we’re worse.

Worse?!

HARRY: PLAYIN’ ROUGH. SNUFF THAT GIRL.

“Snuff that girl”? But killing people is wrong!

BOBBY: Enough!

ALL: Whaa-?!

Bobby Strong.

BECKY: But why? We want to hang her as revenge for her father’s crimes.

I think he’s just in love with her, that’s what I think.

BOBBY: Maybe I am.

*Whaa-?!

THE POOR: FREEDOM, RUN AWAY!

What do we do now?

PENNY: I’ve got a real plan.

*Whaa-?!

BOBBY: What do you think, Little Sally?

I think it might be difficult for your love to grow with Hope tied to that chair for the rest of her life.

BOBBY: That’s just a chance I’ll have to take.

*[Gasp!]

CLADWELL: Mister Mcqueen…. Which is why I’ve asked you here tonight.

*Oooooooooo.

CLADWELL: That’s just a chance I’ll have to take.

*[Gasp!]

JOSEPHINE: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves now, shall we? Little sally? What’s goin on up there?

It’s… it’s…

JOSEPHINE: Yes?

I saw Bobby.

JOSEPHINE: Yes?

I… I don’t think the meeting went very well.

JOSEPHINE: Why do you say that?

Well, they threw him off a building.

JOSEPHINE: What are you saying, Little Sally? Who threw who off a building?

Bobby. The policemen. They threw him off a building.

SOUPY SUE: They couldn’t have done such a thing; we have Cladwell’s daughter.

Well, they did.

TINY TOM: Is… is he all right?

Um…

JOSEPHINE: Well, is he?!

Oh, Bobby. The policemen came soon enough, but not before I heard his last words.

ROBBY: His last words?

That’s right. It was about her.

SOUPY SUE: Well, what were they?!

They were…

BOBBY & LITTLE SALLY: NO ONE IS INNOCENT.

No one.

SUE: “No one is innocent”? What did he mean by that?

I don’t know, he started fading in and out after a while. It was a miracle he was alive at all, the fall was so horrible.

BECKY: Not innocent?! Who the hell does he think he is?!

Wait! Wait, please. There’s more. He said…

ALL: YES?!!

And then he expired.

PENNY: Or you could take me instead.

*Whaa-?!

Ms. Pennywise!

PENNY: Because… Hope is my duaghter.

*[Gasp?!]

PENNY: And I am her mother.

*[GASP?!!!]

PENNY: Call me what you will, but it was during the stink Years, you see. No one thought they had much time then, so many of us did… questionable things. There was the looting, of course, and the hoarding. But there were also the fond farewells and the late night trysts. Life was an explosion filled with riots, cheap cabarets, dancing girls-

And love?

HOPE: Enough!

[Gasp?!]

HOPE: It’s all that really matters, isn’t it? Love? Now let’s go do to them what they were ultimately going to do to us!

*Hooray!

HOPE: I’ve joined the revolution, Daddy. And you? I believe it’s time you joined the ex-pat community - - in Urinetown!

*[Gasp!]

HOPE: The only thing we need now is freedom, Daddy. For the poeple.

And love?

LOCKSTOCK: Of course, it wasn’t long before the water turned silty, brackish, and then dissapeared altogether. As cruel as Caldwell B. Cladwell was, his measures effectively regulated water consumption, sparing the town the same fate as the phantom Urinetown. Hope chose to ignore the warning signs, however, preferring to bask in the people’s love for as long as it lasted.

What kind of musical is this?! The good guys finally take over and then everything starts falling apart?

LOCKSTOCK: Like I said, Little Sally, this isn’t a happy musical.

But the music’s so happy!

ALL: YOU SEE A RIVER FLOWING FOR FREEDOM. YOU SEE A RIVER STRAIGHT AND TRUE.

I don’t think too many people are going to come see this musical, Officer Lockstock.

LOCKSTOCK: Why do you say that, Little Sally? Don’t you think people want to be told that their way of life is unsustainable?

That- and the tide’s awful. Can’t we do a happy musical next time?

LOCKSTOCK: Hail, Malthus!

*Hail, Malthus!