Close Relationships Exam 3

Link between sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction

sexual satisfaction and relationship/marital satisfaction are highly, bi-directionally correlated. Specifically, long afterglow increases the correlation between the two.

Sex, pair bonding, and monogamy

orgasms strengthen pair bonds through the release of oxytocin. Sex with orgasm also buffers against negativity and causes conflict to have less impact on satisfaction. It also helps insecure attachment styles, especially anxious attachments.

sexual afterglow

a lingering sense of closeness that can last up to 3 days. The longer this period is, the higher that sex is correlated with relationship satisfaction.

physical/emotional benefits of sex

kissing lowers cholesterol

physical intimacy lowers physical symptoms

sex burns calories

sex improves next-day cortisol cycles

sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction

more sex (with orgasm) = more satisfied IF sex is approach motivated

sex declines over the course of a relationship, but this is okay. sex once a week is often enough for sexual satisfaction.

approach vs. avoidance motivation

approach motivation = sex to get closer to someone. This moderates the association between sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction.

avoidance motivation = sex to avoid a conflict or disappointment. This decreases the association between sexual frequency and satisfaction.

rates of orgasm

dating - men: 94%, women: 62%

cohabiting - men: 95%, women: 68%

married - men: 95%, women 75%

sexual communication

allows partners to communicate preferences/desires

reduces uncertainty about sexual expectations

why sexual communication is hard

socialization: lack of sexual communication growing up

anxieties about exposing oneself and being rejected

social norms: perceptions that talking about sex ruins the mood; makes it less spontaneous

sexual variety

indicates that couples are communicating, being responsive, and willing to try new things

improving sexual satisfaction

improving relationship quality in general is the best way to improve this.

predictors of sexual satisfaction

1. responsiveness: extent to which partners feel understood, validated, and cared for

2. sharing in household chores

3. self-expansion: increases passion and satisfaction

prenatal maternal stress

associated with lower fetal weight, lower psychomotor development in infants, impaired mental development at 8 months, lower intelligence at 3.5 years, “tougher” reaction to first day of school

decision fatigue

parents must make many decision before a baby is born, which can lead to this.

early weeks after birth

babies eat every few hours, sleep a lot but for short durations, and parents endure constant stress over child’s well-being.

transition to parenthood and life satisfaction

life satisfaction decreases after having a child, and increases when the child graduates highschool. Kahneman (2004) found that taking care of children produces the same amount of happiness as vacuuming (on a happiness scale).

Parenting taboos

1. saying you didn’t fall in love with your baby at first sight

2. saying your ‘average happiness’ has declined

problem areas for new parents

division of labor: men do more than in the past, but women still do the majority of childcare/housecare. This is because men compare their workload to their fathers, but women compare husband’s workload to their own.

money: children cost a lot of money! and couples may have different spending prioritise

sex: sexual satisfaction may plummet as frequency plummets - frequency drops 30-40% in the first year of baby’s life.

leisure and social life: leisure time drops by 50%; couples shift from relationship-focused to baby-focused

patterns of change for new parents

decliners (~40%): less love, more ambivalence, more conflict, less communication

no change (~30%): overcome difficulties, but no marital improvement

improvers (~30%): more love, less ambivalence, less conflict, more communication

improvers vs. decliners

new parents who improve in marital satisfaction are better educated, married more years, older, higher earning, higher in self-esteem, and have a predictable infant temperament.

key elements of good parenting

1. raising children should be emotionally absorbing and characterized by affectionate nurture

2. child should guide the process: educate yourself and know your kid

3. teach by example and get kids to internalize lessons

4. use reason when developmentally appropriate

5. punishment = “carefully managed temporary withdrawal of loving attention”

great paradox of parenting

autonomy vs. conformity

Baumrind’s Parenting Typology

2 primary dimensions: responsiveness (warmth) and demandingness (control)

four types: authoritarian, uninvolved, permissive, and authoritative

authoritarian parenting

high demand, low responsiveness

the goal is immediate obedience.

low in warmth, communication, and support.

produces a high level of obedience in the presence of parent, but ONLY in the presence of parent.

parent/child relationship suffers

This parenting style is associated with lower school performance, more withdrawn, fearful, and vulnerable to stress.

uninvolved parenting

low demand, low responsiveness

often detached/uninterested in child

sometimes neglectful or blatantly rejecting

This parenting style is associated with deficits in emotional, cognitive, and social skills, worse school performance, and high delinquency

permissive parenting

low demand, high responsiveness

indulgent/nondirective

nurturing and supportive, but lack control over behavior

This parenting style is associated with more immaturity, impulsivity, rebelliousness, and being swayed by peers

authoritative parenting

balanced demand and responsiveness

use communication that involves reasoning

influence is rational, not coercive

provide guidance and set limits

This parenting style promotes social competence, better school performance, and higher self-esteem.

parental support

encouraging activities that enable independent decision-making and enhance social competence, showing acceptance of child’s individuality, and providing affection.

Physical affection is particularly helpful for young kids

Verbal affection is particularly helpful for older children

parental control

two types: parental induction and monitoring

parental induction

actively communicating with children using reason. psychological method of control. Helps kids work through and apply what’s taught, and helps them develop a sense of right and wrong.

monitoring

supervising kids’ behavior. observation and/or management of kids’ activities, schedule, and friends. This becomes more difficult as children age.

Lack of monitoring leads to: higher rates of antisocial behavior, delinquency and deviant peer associations, sexual risk-taking, and drug use

prevalence of divorce

There has been a general increase in the 20th century, however rates have declined as the rates of marriage have declined. 45-50% of marriages end in divorce. Factors that have increased divorce:

increasing expectations for marriage

changing economic status for women (expands their choices)

decrease in the average SES of americans.

divorce rates

45-50% of marriages end in divorce, half of which happen within the first 7 years. The chance of divorce per year spikes to 3% during the 4th through 8th years,, then declines. By the 26th year, the chance of divorce by next anniversary is <1%.

enduring vulnerabilities (personality)

high neuroticism

bad impulse control

can’t handle stress well

low agreeableness

narcissism

enduring vulnerabilities (family of origin)

divorced parents

bad conflict modeling

financial insecurity early on

enduring vulnerabilities (education)

poor education

the probability of divorce for those with no high school degree is ~60%, and for those with a college degree it is 36%.

This could partially be due to those with lower education receiving lower paying jobs, leading to more stress.

enduring vulnerabilities (marital beliefs)

inflexible/unrealistic marital beliefs about

• the partner (e.g. gender roles)

• the relationship (e.g. passion will remain high forever)

preexisting doom

relationship mismatch (e.g. different desires for children)

mechanical failure/process loss

lacking relationship maintenance

sudden death

a single event is so impactful it ends the relationship (e.g. infidelity)

five stages of marital dissolution

1. recognition of problems

   • tends to be gradual - can be stuck in this stage for years

   • intrapsychic - happens in your own head

2. exposure of problems to partner

   • dyadic process - put cards on the table

   • begin exiting (‘too busy’, short interactions, etc)

3. negotiation

   • stay or go? how to resolve the conflict

4. transformation of the relationship

   • focus on self future rather than relationship future

   • symbolic purging

   • social phase - seek out others

5. grave dressing

   • account making: create stories of why/how it ended

   • convince self that you still have market value

dating for older adults

an increasing number of older adults are dating again

~42% of people 65+ are not in relationships

sexual frequency in older adults

sexual activity is influenced by relationship status, mental and physical health, and attitudes towards sex.

71% of men 65+ are sexually active, 51% of women 65+ are sexually active (but less frequently than younger adults)

STIs increasing due to lack of condom use and retirement communities

socioemotional selectivity theory

older adults’ prioritizing of emotional goals/seek emotionally meaningful experiences combined with the experience of overcoming problems to produce a minimized experience of negative emotions and enhanced positive emotions.

They do this by pruning social networks, managing ostracism better, managing conflict better, and having lower levels of negative affect

pruning social networks (older adults)

older adults have smaller social networks, but comparable numbers of meaningful social ties.

evidence: longitudinal study by Lang found that social networks decline, but the remaining people are people that participants actually wanted to spend time with.

experimental data: people chose to spend time with family member, stranger, or favorite book author. 35% of younger adults said family member, 65% of older adults said family member. When asked to choose again but picture that you are about to move to another country, 80% said family member.

less distress from ostracism (older adults)

a study had participants throw a ball around in VR with NPCs that they believed were other people.

condition 1: people were passed the ball a proportionate number or high number of times.

condition 2: people were under-passed the ball.

younger adults felt more distress than older adults in condition 2.

viewing conflict less negatively (older adults)

observational studies: people had a conflict in front of objective raters, then both participants and raters report negativity. Older adults interpret partner behavior more positively than objective rater and experienced less physical and psychological stress during conflict.

diary methodology: participants asked to report the frequency of conflict. Older adults had fewer daily tensions and were better at “letting it go” aka loyalty (unhealthy in younger adults, healthy in older adults)

Older adults also report less anger in the face of interpersonal conflict, but the same amount of sadness, as younger adults.

less negative affect (older adults)

older adults experience more distress than younger adults during conflict UNLESS they minimized the conflict. This reforms the socioemotional selectivity theory by showing that older adults MUST minimize conflict in order to avoid negative health outcomes caused by the stress of unminimized conflict. Piazza study shows that negativity highly increases cortisol for older adults.