Intimate Relationships Final

Over the ages, attitudes toward love have varied on at least four dimensions:

Cultural Value, Sexuality, Sexual Orientation, Marital Status

Cultural Value

The belief about whether love is a desirable or undesirable state.

Sexuality in Love

The aspect of whether love should be sexual or nonsexual.

Sexual Orientation in Love

The consideration of whether love should involve heterosexual or same-sex partners.

Marital Status

The question of whether love should be reserved for spouses or shared with others.

Triangular Theory of Love

A theory proposed by Robert Sternberg suggesting that love consists of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

Intimacy

Feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support, and sharing in a relationship.

Passion

Physical arousal and desire, excitement, and need in a romantic context.

Commitment

Feelings of permanence and stability in a relationship, involving decisions to devote oneself and work to maintain it.

Combinations of the Three Components of Love

Romantic Love, Companionate Love, Fatuous Love, & Consummate Love

Romantic Love

A combination of high intimacy and high passion without necessarily including commitment.

Companionate Love

A form of love characterized by high intimacy and high commitment, often found in long-term friendships.

Fatuous Love

Passion and commitment without intimacy, often seen in whirlwind romances.

Consummate Love

The presence of all three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—at a substantial degree.

Oxytocin

A neuropeptide that promotes relaxation and is linked to companionate love.

Eros

(Romantic Love) A style of love characterized by strong physical attraction and erotic lovers who believe in love at first sight.

Ludus

(Game-playing Love) A playful and uncommitted approach to love, treating it as a game.

Storge

(Friendship) A style of love that emphasizes friendship and genuine emotional bonding leading to commitment.

Mania

(Possessive, Excited Love) An intense and possessive form of love filled with fantasy and obsession.

Agape

(Selfless Love) A selfless and altruistic love, treating love as a duty.

Pragma

(Logical Love) A practical form of love that focuses on finding a logically suitable partner.

Attachment Style

The pattern of how individuals bond and relate to their partners, which can be secure or insecure.

Coolidge Effect

The phenomenon where novelty can increase sexual arousal and enthusiasm in relationships.

Lee (1988) Colour Wheel Theory identified six approaches to love:

Eros, Ludus, Storge, Mania, Agape, Pragma

Helen Fisher (1988) proposed three different biological systems underpin love:

Lust, (Testosterone & Estrogen) Attraction (Dopamine), and Attachment (Oxytocin)

Two-Factor Theory of Passionate Love

Romantic (passionate) attraction and lvoe and rooted in 2 factors:

• Physiological arousal

• Attributions about that arousal (what / who is the source?)v

Self-expansion Model

suggests that love causes our self-concepts to expand and change as our partners bring us new experiences and new roles, and we gradually learn things about ourselves that we didn’t know before.

Compassionate Love

a type of love that combines the trust and understanding of intimacy with compassion and caring that involves empathy, selflessness, and sacrifice on behalf on the beloved.

Erotophobia

An emotional response characterized by avoidance, disgust, or fear of sexuality.

Erotophilia

An emotional response characterized by attraction, pleasure, and positive emotions related to sexuality.

Sexual Opinion Survey

A tool used to measure attitudes towards sexual behaviors and thoughts.

Permissiveness with affection standard

The belief that premarital or casual sex is acceptable if it occurs in an affectionate relationship.

Sexual satisfaction

An affective response derived from one's evaluation of the positive and negative aspects of their sexual relationship.

Sexual desire discrepancies

Differences in sexual desire between partners that can impact relationship satisfaction.

Pluralistic ignorance

The phenomenon where people mistakenly believe that their own beliefs are different from those around them, often leading to risky sexual behaviors.

Safer-sex practices

Strategies to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancies during sexual activity.

Sexual communication

Open and honest discourse about sexual needs, desires, and boundaries between partners.

Sexual negativity/Sex-positivity

Attitudes that reflect either a negative or positive view towards sexual behaviors and expressions.

Stealthing

surreptitiously removing a condom without a partner’s consent, which can reasonably be considered a form of sexual assault

Sexual Growth Beliefs

sexual satisfaction as something you work for: You can enjoy more of it by striving to attain it

Sexual Destiny Beliefs

to have great sex, you have to find the right partner

Sexual Configurations Theory

goes beyond traditional approaches to sexual orientation by incorporating additional parameters:

(1) gender / sex sexuality

(2) partner number sexuality

(3) sexual parameter n

the sexual parameter n, is a placeholder for sexual interests that exist, have existed, may not yet be expressed, or may yet come

Monogamy

a social, emotional, and sexual partnership between two individuals (i.e., dyadic partnership) for life

Serial Monogamy

the common practice of having only one dyadic partnership at a time, but potentially multiple partners over the course of a lifetime

Bigamy

the act of marrying a person while already being married to someone else

Adultery

having sex with someone who is not your spouse

Extradyadic Sex

having sex with someone who is not your typical dyadic partner (or spouse)

Sociosexual orientation

the beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours that describe our feelings about sex with more than one partner

“Restricted” sociosexuality…

prefer to have sex only in the context of a close, committed relationship, are more committed to their romantic partners, are less likely to cheat, tend to have secure attachment styles

“Unrestricted” sociosexuality

tend to be dynamic, flirtatious, sociable people, pursue sex in causal, uncommitted relationships, are less committed to their romantic partners, are more likely to engage in extradyadic sex, tend to be higher in avoidance of intimacy

Infidelity

a secret sexual, romantic, or emotional involvement that violates the commitment to an exclusive relationship

• sexual infidelity

• emotional infidelity

• electronic infidelity

Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM)

the relational and / or sexual practice where someone has more than one partner with the explicit knowledge and consent of everyone involved

open relationships

partner have a stable primary relationship but are free to pursue sexual encounters with other people, often individually within specific agreed upon boundaries

swinging relationships

couples attend events together where they can have sex with other people, together or separately, while minimizing the development of romantic, emotional bonds

monogamish

a more restricted form of open relationship where a primary couple engages in more limited forms of extradyadic experiences

Polyamorous relationships

involves having multiple emotional and / or sexual relationships

Polycue

a set of partners that are linked together through their polyamorous relationships with one another

Compersion

feelings of pleasure and happiness resulting from a partner’s emotional and sexual connections with others. Like the opposite of jealousy.

Social power

the ability to influence the behaviour of others and to resist their influence on us

from an interdependency perspective, power is based on the control of valuable resources:

• one need not necessarily possess these resources; one needs only to control access to them

• one’s power varies with the other person’s desire and need for the resources

• one’s power is reduced if the desired resources are readily available elsewhere

principle of lesser interest

asserts that the partner who is less dependent on the relationship, who desires it less, has more power in that relationship

Fate control

allows one to control a partner’s outcomes no matter what the partner does

Behaviour Control

allows one to encourage, but not compel, desired behaviour from a partner by changing one’s own behaviour

Univeralistic resources

such as money, can be exchanged with almost anyone in a wide variety of situations

Particularistic resources

such as affection, are valuable in some situations and not in others, and they conder power to their owner only with particular partners

Nonverbal Sensitivity

powerful people decode others’ non verbal communications less accurately than less powerful people do

• is the subordinate’s job to keep track of what the boss is feeling, not the other way around

Communal Orientation

those with communal orientations use their power to benefit their partners and to enhance, rather than undermine, their mutual contentment

Jealousy

the unhappy combination of feeling hurt, anger, and fear when people face the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival

Envy

a negative emotion of discontent and resentment generated by desire for the possessions, attributes, qualities, experiences, or achievements of another person

Reactive Jealousy

occurs in response to an actual threat to a valued relationship

Suspicious Jealousy

occurs when one’s partner hasn’t misbehaved and one’s suspicions do not fit the facts at hand

from an evolutionary perspective, Buss has argued that men should be especially threatened by sexual infidelity because they face the problem of…

paternity uncertainty

from an evolutionary perspective, women should be especially threatened by emotional infidelity because their mate may…

withdraw his protective resources and transfer them to another mate

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV)

any behaviour within an intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual, or psychological harm, including acts of physical aggression, secual coercion, psychological abuse, and controlling behaviors

There are three major types of violence experienced in romantic couples

situational couple violence, intimate terrorism, violent resistance

Situational couple violence

most frequent and erupts from specific angry arguments that get out of hand and is often reciprocal

Intimate terrorism

rarer and more extreme (but chronic) form of unilateral violence that occurs when one partner uses violence as a tool to control and oppress the other

violent resistance

occurs when a partner forcibly fights back against intimate terrorism

Mate Guarding

involves efforts to prevent our partners from having sexual access to others

The I³ Model

argues that there are three influences on intimate partner violence:

• instigating triggers that cause partners to be on edge

• Impelling influences that make is more likely that the partners will experience violent impulses

• Inhibiting Influences that encourage the partners to refrain from violence

impelling and Inhibitory influences in the I³ model can be:

distal, involving background influences such as economic conditions, cultural norms, and family experiences

dispositional, including personality traits and long-standing beliefs

relational, involving the current state of the couple’s relationship

situational, including the current circumstances

Conflict

occurs when one’s wishes or actiosn are impeded those of someone else, that is, when one partner has to give up doign somethign that they want because of the other partner’s influence

Conflict is inescapable for two reasons:

(1) any two people will occasionally differ in their moods and preferences

(2) there are certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will, sooner or later, always cause some strain

Dialectics

opposing intra-individual motivation that can never be completely satisfied because they contradict each other

Four different types of events tend to evoke conflicts that leave us frustrated, sad, or distressed

criticism, involves verbal or nonverbal acts that are perceived to communicate unfair dissatisfaction or that seem unjustly critical

illegitimate demands, are requests/ expectations that are excessive and that seem unjust

rebuffs, occur when one is denied a desired reaction

cumulative annoyances, are relatively trivial events that become irritating with repetition

attributional conflict

when partners fail to appreciate that each of them has their own point of. view, and they fight over who has the “accurate” explanation of a situation

Accomodation

occurs when partners respond to provocation by inhibiting the impulse to fight fire with fire

There are five ways in which conflict may end:

separation, occurs when one or both partners withdraw without resolving the conflict

domination, occurs when one partner gets with way when the other capitulates

compromise, occurs when both partners reduce their aspirations so that a mutually acceptable alternative can be reached

integrative agreements, occurs when both partners’ original goals and aspirations are satisfied, usually through creativity and flexibility

Structural Improvement, occurs when the partners not only get what they want, but they also make desirable changes to their relationship

The process of divorce may take several years, and five general stages may occur

personal phase, one partner grows dissatisfied

dyadic phase, discontent is revealed and confrontation, negotiation, and attempts at reconciliation may follow

social phase, the partners publicize their distress and seek support from friends and family

grave-dressing phase, people try to put the failed relationship behind them with reassessment, rationalization, and narrative accounts

resurrection phase, partners re-enter social life as singles

Churning

couples have broken up but then reconciled and gotten back together

Four reasons why children of divorce are less well off:

Parental Loss: children may simply be less well off with on parent instead of two because they recieved less total care

Parental Stress: the parents’ own difficulties may effect the quality of their parenting

Economic Hardship: the poverty that often follows divorce, and not the divorce per se, may be damaging

Parental Conflict: acrimonious interactions between one’s parents cause anxiety and stress

Relationship Maintenance Mechanisms

the strategic actions people take to sustain their partnerships

Cognitive Interdependence

committed partners tend to think of themselves not a separate individuals but as a couple

Cognitive Maintenance Mechanisms

• Cognitive Interdependence, committed partners tend to think of themselves not a separate individuals but as a couple

• Positive Illusions, partners who are more committed idealize one another

• Perceived Relationship Superiority, one common positive illusion in more committed relationships is that people consider their relationships to be better than most

• Inattention to Alternatives

• Derogation of tempting alternatives, commitment leads peopel to disparage those who could lure them away from their existing relationships

illusory-superiority

the cognitive distortions we use to maintain our self-esteem

Michelangelo phenomenon

committed lovers also promote their partners’ growth, helping them become the people they want o be by supporting their development of desired new skills and endorsing their acceptance of promising new roles and responsibilities

Behavioral Maintenance Mechanisms

• Willingness to sacrifies

• the power of prayer (those who pray for the well being of their partners become more satisfied with the sacrifices they make, and are more forgiving too)

• Michelangelo phenomenon

• Accommodation

• Play together (novelty)

• Savouring (pleasure)

• Rituals (customs & habits)

• Forgiveness

Behavioural Couple Therapy

classic approaches focus on the couple’s present interactions and seeks to replace any negative and punishing behaviour with more gracious and generous actions. helps to teach communication and problem-solving skills

cognitive-behavioural couple therapy

seeks to change various aspects of the ways partners think about their partnership