Matilda the Musical - Ms. Honey - Act 1

MRS PHELPS

And that’s not a hint, by the way. But if you did happen to have a story you wanted to tell me—

MISS HONEY is leaving the library.

Goodbye Mrs. Phelps. See you next week!

ALL KIDS

Just you wait for PHYS-ZED!

THEY scramble away, the YOUNG ONES forming a class. MISS HONEY comes on.

Good morning children. My name is Miss Honey. And today is a very special day: your first day at school! Now, do any of you know any of your two times tables.

MATILDA’S hand goes up

Wonderful! Matilda, isn’t it? Please stand and do as much as you can.

MATILDA

…eleven times two is twenty-two, twelve times two is twenty-four—

Well, my word that is very—

MATILDA

Thirteen times two is twenty-six, fourteen times two is twenty-eight, fifteen times two is thirty, sixteen times two is—

Stop, stop! Good heavens, how far can you go?

MATILDA

I don’t know. Quite a long way I think.

Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty eight is?

MATILDA

fifty-six

Fift… Well yes that’s very… How about this: now this is much harder so don’t worry if you don’t get it, but two times four hundred and eighty seven, if you took your time do you think you could—

MATILDA

Nine hundred and seventy four.

Twelve sevens?

MATILDA

Eighty four.

CHILDREN

No way!

Let’s leave maths for the time being and look at reading. Can anyone read this?

NIGEL

Me, me, me oooh, oooh, pick me Miss, I can, memememememememememe—

Very well Nigel.

Yes, I think we’d better leave it there, Nigel, We don’t want you to burst a blood vessel on your first day.

Lavender?

LAVENDER

Is the word word… tomato?

Er, no. But tomato is a very good word.

LAVENDER

Yesssss!

Mat.. Matilda?

MATILDA

‘I can now read words’

So Matilda, you can read words?

MATILDA

Yes. Well, I just needed to learn to read words so that I could read sentences because basically a sentence is just a big bunch of words. And if you can’t read sentences you’ve got no chance with books.

And.. have you read a whole book yourself, Matilda?

MATILDA

Oh yes, more than one. I love books Last week I read quite a few.

A few? In a week? My, my, that is good . What books did you read?

MATILDA names a bunch of books

PATHETIC SONG TIME

TRUNCHBULL\

Enter! Well don’t just stand there like a wet tissue, get on with it.

Well, yes, Miss Trunchbull there’s, in, in, in, in my class that is, there is, Mat, a little girl called Matilda Wormwood, and—

TRUNCHBULL

Daughter of Mr Harry Wormwood who owns Wormwood Motors. Excellent man. Told me to watch out for the brat, though, says she’s a real wart.

Oh no, Headmistress, I don’ think Matilda is that kind of child at all.

TRUNCHBULL

What is the school motto, Miss Honey?

Bambinatum est maggitum

TRUNCHBULL

Bambinatum est maggitum. Children are maggots. In fact it must have been her who put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. I’ll have her for that. Thank you for suggesting it.

But I didn’t ..

Miss Trunchbull; Matilda Wormwood is a genius.

TRUNCHBULL

Nonsense! Haven’t I just told you that she is a gangster?

She knows her times tables.

TRUNCHBULL

So she’s learnt a few tricks..

But she can read!

TRUNCHBULL

So can I

I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in my opinion this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven year olds.

TRUNCHBULL

What? But she is a squib, a shrimp, an un-hatched tadpol. We cannot just place her in with the eleven year olds’— what kind of society would that be? What about rules, Honey, rules?

I believe that Matilda Wormwood is an exception to the rules.

TRUNCHBULL

AND ALWAYS KEEP YOUR FEET INSIDE THE LINE

Now get out!

W, w, w, well I must tell you headmistress that it is my intention to help this little girl. W, w, w, whether you like it or not!

MRS WORMWOOD

Who is it?

Oh, yes, er, hello, my name is Miss Honey. Matilda’s teacher?

MISS WORMWORD

Bit busy right now…

It will only take a moment…

RUDOLPHO

Ciao

Ah, parle Italiano? Bene. Ciao, Rudolpho, piacere. Come stai?

MRS WORMWOOD

What do you want, Miss Chutney?

It’s Miss Honey. Well, as you know Matilda is in the bottom class and children in the bottom class aren’t really expected to read—

MRS WORMWOOD

I’m not in favour of girls getting all clever pants, Miss Hussey. A girl should think about make-up and hair dye. Looks are more important than books. Now, look at you, look at me. you chose books, I chose looks.

I.. beg your pardon?

RUDOLPHO

Babes, I’m on fire here, please!

But Matilda can calculate complicated figures in her head in an instant!

RUDOLPHO

Calculate this!

MRS WORMWOOD

Oh, fantastico!

Her mind is incredible, with a little help form us she could—

MATILDA

Yes. Wonderful. Goodbye Mrs Phelps.

CHILDREN ENTER, MRS HONEY PULLS MATILDA ASIDE

Matilda could I speak to you, please? I’m afraid I have not been too successful in getting others to recognize your… abilities. So, starting tomorrow I shall bring in a selection of very clever books that will challenge your mind. You may sit and read them while I teach the others and if you have any questions, well, I shall do my best to answer them. How does that sounds? Matilda! Why… that is the biggest hug in the world! You’re going to hug all of the air out of me!

MATILDA

No I did not!

Miss Trunchbull, Matilda’s been here all morning.

BRUCE

But I can’t eat it all!

Headmistress, he’ll be sick..

SONG ENDS

Go on Brucie! Yesss! Yessssss! Sorry Miss Trunchbull… I…I got carried away.

BRUCE

What!?

No, Miss Trunchbull please you can’t!

TRUNCHBULL

Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please you can! Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots? Did you? Who do you think I am, Miss Honey? A weakling? An idiot? You?

But he’s eaten it all, he did what you asked!