Adultery part Danny M1

They all sit there while Sandy drinks from his thermos

I once had this crazy thing. Oh man. This is a weird story. I once had this crazy thing that uh... I don’t know if it was like a male uh... UTI or whatever but uh...

Cone cone cone cone of silence. Okay, this was in... I just want to say first of all that this was in the early years of marriage, and I’m like the most loyal husband in the world now.

Oh Jesus

But right after Sly was born, things were kind of weird between me and Ellen. You know, we weren’t having that much sex. But more than that, we were just sort of disconnected, and I felt like she hated me.

That's what happens

And—cutting to the chase—I started sleeping with other people. That’s not true. With this other woman. This woman I worked with.

I'm going to say this again. Cone cone cone cone.

Anyway, we were having this really hot affair. But we were like—we were friends. And we were crazy attracted to each other. But we both knew we weren’t in love, and we were both married.

CONE

And we like... we like convinced ourselves that we weren’t actually cheating on our spouses or like disrupting the sanctity of the marriage blah blah blah if we just, uh, fucked in the ass.

You never fucked her fucked her?

If I just fucked her in the ass. So we did that. For a while. I mean, that’s what we did.

I never did. OKay and this was the first and last affair I ever had. So I just want to say for the record that I have never actually had uh vaginal intercourse with anyone other than my wife since marrying my wife.

Okay. So anyway, we’re fucking like once a week... Yes. Having incredible anal sex like once every week or so.

...In the ass

And uh... one day I pee and it uh... it really hurts. It just really hurts to pee.

Were you wearing a condom?

I. Was. Not.

So it was...what? Gonorrhea?

And I uhh... well, I don’t know what it was. I got so terrified that I had an STD and that I was gonna have to tell Ellen, and I just go into denial mode.

And I uhh...well I don't know what it was. I got so terrified that I have an STD and that I'm gonna have to tell Ellen and I just go into denial mode.

So I stop fucking this woman, but I also stop fucking Ellen because a) I’m in pain, and b) I don’t want to give Ellen this STD.

And it just starts getting worse and worse and it's like peeing razors. And it's not getting better, and my dick is like...how much detail do you want?

My dick starts oozing this kind of uh yellow stuff, like I’ll find just like a drop of yellow oozy pus just sitting on the tip of my dick, and I’m freaking out.

Lots of Detail

And I’m too scared to go to the doctor because he'll ask me about the kind of sex I’ve been having, and then one afternoon Ellen isn’t home and I realise I haven’t had a wank in like two weeks.

Oh no

Because I’ve been like running around behind Ellen’s back and pretending I’m not in excruciating pain, and anyway I’m home alone one day for the first time in a while, and I know I shouldn’t because I’m sore and I’ll probably make it worse but...

So I have a wank. And then I cum. And when I cum...it's the most like terrifying thing I've ever seen.

I basically cum blood.

Fucking Christ

I cum this like enormous amount of jizz and blood and pus. And it hits the shower wall, and it’s the most disgusting thing in the world.

And it hits the shower wall and it's the most disgusting thing in the world.

It looks like someone was murdered. And I run to the kitchen and I get these paper towels and I start mopping the blood off the wall.

And I start mopping the blood off the wall.

And while I’m mopping the blood off the wall I suddenly realise—I feel fine. I feel fine for the first time in weeks.

What? How / is that -

Like somehow it... whatever it was inside of me just needed to come out. I felt TOTALLY NORMAL again.

I felt TOTALLY NORMAL again.

And I thanked God and I never fucked this other woman again. Or anyone else. Except my wife.

So you never found out what it was?

Nope.

And your wife didn't get sick?

Nope.