Happy birthday, Heather Higby

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Top of the show

All right, everyone, listen up. My name is Mercy Nightgale. I have brought you here under false pretenses. This is not actually a play. This is more like a trap. Every single person here is going to help me destroy my arch-nemesis, Heather Higby.

Spy One: Eight minutes!

Thank you. (Spy exits) Heather is on her way here even as I speak, so we’ll need to move fast. Here is a quick lesson on what we’re doing and who we’re doing it to. This is Heather Higby.

(Monster heather enters)

This is not actually heather. This is a more appealing stand-in. Note the crazed expression in the eyes. Note also Heather’s claws, useful for stabbing people in the back. And of course, the fangs, designed to make sure something unpleasant happens every time she opens her mouth. Say hello, Heather. This is a birthday cake. Today, (date) ins’t Heather’s birthday in the traditional sense. Your birthday isn’t only the day you’re born. Your birthday is also the day that people start to see you for who you really are.

Charlene: Excuse me?

Yes?

Charlene: I hate to be- you jumped the gun. You’re on next. After us.

No