A Night Under The Stars Lines

Lights Up

So the small pole is inserted into the medium pole to create one larger pole. Why didn’t they just include a larger pole

Probably has something to do with the size of the box it came in

Then make a bigger box!

But then it wouldn’t be as fun to put together

Fun? You call this fun? Look at this! A twenty page instruction book. Twenty pages! Am I building a tent or a house?

I think if you were building a house the manual would be a lot more than twenty pages. 

And there’s all those poles and loops and clips and ties

I think that’s necessary for the tent to stay upright.

You know what would be nice? If you could just go out and buy some pre constructed tent or lodging that’s all set up when you get there. No assembly required. 

You mean a cabin?

No I mean a pre-constructed lodging

So a cabin then?

No…I don’t know…maybe. Whatever, you know what I mean.

Hey, you were the one who said you wanted to- “rough it”

I’ve never been camping before! How was I supposed to know? Why did you listen to me anyways?

I was just following my dad’s golden rule- say yes to the spouse or get thrown out the house.

You don’t really believe that do you?

Well…let’s just say things go a lot smoother at home when things go your way.

You take that back Michael!

Facts are facts sweetheart

You’re gonna regret saying that!

Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’ll never say yes to you again

Thank you. Wait a minute!

Okay, I’ll say yes to you a reasonable amount

Which is basically all the time. 

Obviously

Good. Then we’re on the same page. Now if only this tent and I can get on the same page. But seriously, why did we have to get here so late anyway? This would be hard enough setting this tent up in the daytime, let alone in complete darkness

I’m working on getting a fire going, but I can stop and help if you want

No! I said I would pitch this tent, and I’m bound and determined to do it myself.

Alright well if you need me, I’m going to be right over there, collecting wood for the fire

Thanks honey

Michael exits

Okay, so I take the new large pole I made out of the small and medium poles, and insert it into the small pocket on the bottom left side. Is this the left side? Or is this the left side? How am I supposed to know which one is the left side?

Is there a small letter L on the pocket?

I doubt it

Why don’t you take a look?

Because I already know it’s not there

Humor me

Fine. Oh.

You found the letter L

Maybe

Good

I would’ve found it eventually you know

I believe you

You saved me all of like, ten seconds.

Glad to be of service

I really just don’t understand why they have to make this so complicated. I don’t understand why people don’t just camp out in caves or something

Like cavemen?

What? No.

It’s literally in their name-cavemen. They lived in caves

Okay, fine, but I’m sure there’s an easier way to get this tent set up, didn’t people used to just drive a big stick into the ground and throw an animal hide over the top and call it a day?

I think you’re referring to the teepees constructed by indigenous people long ago, and they were a lot more intricate than that

Fine. But there’s still gotta be an easier way to get this tent set up!

There is, you let your spouse help you

No way! I said I can do this and I’m gonna do it.

Okay just holler if you need me

I won’t! Once the new large pole is inserted into the small pocket on the bottom left side, the pole needs to be bent at a ninety degree angle. A 90 degree angle! This thing? If they wanted this pole at a 90 degree angle why didn’t they just assemble it in a 90 degree angle? There’s no way this thing is gonna bend! Maybe I should just ask Michael…no he’d love that wouldn’t he. No way. I’m doing this myself. Here goes

*Micheal laughs*

What’s so funny?

Nothing

I almost had it you know

I have no doubt

Good, now get out of here so I can finish

Are you sure you don’t want me to-

No! I’ve got it

Alright, have it your way

I will. Thank you. Why won’t you make sense? You’re supposed to be helping me put this tent together, not confuse me more! You know what? Enough with these damned instructions! I don’t need instructions. I am a smart person. I can do this myself. This looks like it can go here, this goes here!

Gets stuck in tent

What the?

Great. The tent has rallied against me

Get’s angry

It has consumed me completely. This is where I live now, inside this stupid, smelly, not quite a tent-tent

Gets sad

This is it. This is how I go. Or even worse Michael will find me and realize I couldn’t set up the tent

Micheal laughs

What’s that? Who’s there? Michael, is that you?

I’m afraid so sweetheart

I couldn’t do it babe I couldn’t set up the tent

It’s okay

And now I’m probably going to die here

Or you can let your spouse help you

I need a moment to consider that option

Well?

I’m still thinking!

Sorry!

Fine

What was that

I said fine

I’m going in to get you. Found you

I couldn’t set up the tent

There’s a perfectly reasonable explination for that

Oh yeah, what’s that?

It’s a two person tent

Well in that case…