jealousy, infidelity, and divorce

reactive jealousy

occurs in response to an actual threat; normative

suspicious jealousy

response to no actual threat

factors affecting jealousy

- dependency

- discrepancy in mate value

- attachment orientation

- personality

- inability to meet needs

NO gender differences

who makes us jealous?

rivals who make us look bad + have greater mate value

gender differences in jealousy types

men -> more threatened by sexual infidelity (paternity uncertainty)

women -> emotional infidelity (differential investment)

cognitive (responses to jealousy)

suspicions that motivate one to change self-concept

emotional (responses to jealousy)

feelings of negativity (e.g., upset, distressed)

behavioural (responses to jealousy)

detective or protective measures (e.g., snooping)

outcomes of jealousy

- all three components are associated w/ worse personal outcomes

- cognitive/behavioural -> lower rel. satisfaction and commitment

gender differences in responses to jealousy

- women tend to improve mate value

- men tend to protect against rivals

deception

intentionally creating a false impression

- 1-2 lies a day; 5% report no lies in a week

self-serving lies

prevent embarrassment, guilt, inconvenience

- seek approval/material gain

benevolent lies

benefits others; common in close relationships

infidelity

violation of relational standard regarding physical or emotional exclusivity

physical non-monogamy

occurs along a continuum of physical involvement

emotional non-monogamy

characterized by emotional intimacy, secrecy, or sexual chemistry

why study infidelity?

most view it as unacceptable yet rates are high

- 2nd leading cause of divorce for women; 3rd for men

- 3rd most difficult issue to treat in therapy

gender differences in motivation for infidelity

- women = relationship dissatisfaction

- men = sexual dissatisfaction

theories predicting infidelity

1. sexual strategies (men = spread genetic material, women = better genetic material)

2. attachment

3. self expansion

4. interdependence (CLalt)

changing rate of divorce

increased due to...

1. societal influences (women workers, family history)

2. suffocation of marriage model

vulnerability-stress-adaptation (VSA) model

describes how enduring vulnerabilities and stressful events affect a couple's adaptive processes, which then affect marital quality/stability

enduring vulnerabilities

dispositional liabilities (e.g., traits, history)

stressful events

e.g., unemployment, illness

adaptive processes

ways couples deal w/ stress and conflict

enduring dynamics model

problems emerge during courtship; often recognized before marriage

- predicts declines in satisfaction

emergent distress model

problems emerge after marriage

disillusionment model

early perceptions are unrealistically positive; problems emerge once they become realistic

- best predicts divorce

steps to divorce

1. personal: one feels dissatisfied

2. dyadic: partners communicate feelings

3. social: confide in family/friends

4. grave-dressing: explain reasoning

5. resurrection: re-enter society as single