The Interview - Part 2, Interviewer 4 (Psychiatrist, Politician)

TA: “Can you help me, Doctor, I asked him.”

Blah blah blah blah blah blah, hostile. Blah blah blah blah blah blah, penis. Blah blah blah blah blah blah, mother. Blah blah blah blah blah blah, money.

SA: “Excuse me.”

Me.

FirstA: “me?”

Next!

SI: “Don’t be shy. Shake the hand of the next governor of this state.”

Thank you very much, I said cheerfully, and good luck to you, I said, turning my smile to the next one.

(First Interviewer approaches)

Our children are our most important asset, I agreed earnestly. Yes they are, I said solemnly. Children, I said, with a long pause, are our most important asset. I only wish I could madame, I said earnestly, standing tall, but rats, I said regretfully, are a city matter.

(Third Interviewer approaches)

Nobody knows more about red tape than I do, I said knowingly, and I wish you luck, I said, turning my smile to the next one.

(Fourth Applicant approaches)

I certainly will, I said, with my eyes sparkling, taking a pencil out of my pocket. And what’s your name, I said, looking at her sweetly and signing my name at the same time. That’s a lovely name, I said.

(Third Applicant approaches)

Yes sir, I said, those were the days. And good luck to you, sir, I said respectfully but heartily, and look out for the curb, I said, turning my smile to the next one.

(Second Applicant approaches)

Indeed yes, the air we breathe is foul, I said indignantly. I agree with you entirely, I said wholeheartedly. And if my opponent wins it’s going to get worse, I said with conviction. We’d all die in ten years, I said. And good luck to you, madame, I said politely, and turning my smile to the next one.

(First Applicant approaches)

Well, I said confidingly, getting a bill through the legislature is easier said than done, but answering violence, I said warningly, with violence, I said earnestly, is not the answer, and how do you do I said, turning my smile to the next one.

(First and Second Interviewers approach)

No, I said, I never said my opponent would kill us all. No, I said, I never said that. May the best man win, I said manfully.

(Cheers)

Do you want us shaking hands, I asked the photographer, turning my profile to the left. Goodbye, I said cheerfully, and good luck to you too. I do feel, I said without false modesty, that I’m better qualified in the field of foreign affairs than my opponents are, yes, I said, but, I said, with a pause for emphasis, foreign policy is the business of the President, not the Governor, therefore I will say nothing about the war, I said with finality.

(Resistive sound)

I’m sorry, I said seriously, but I’ll have to study the question a good deal more before I can answer it.

(Louder protest)

Of course, I said frowning, one thing is certain, we must all support the President, I said as I turned concernedly to the next one.

(Angrier sound)

I’m sorry about the war, I said. Nobody could be sorrier than I am, I said sorrowfully. But I’m afraid, I said gravely, that there are no easy answers. Good luck to you too, I said cheerfully, and turned my smile to the next one.

FirstA: “me?”

Next.

FirstA: “me?”

Next.