Reading Quiz 3 Material

Intro to Fam Processes

Cohesion

Feeling of emotional closeness with another person

Flexibility

The amount of change that occurs in leadership, role relationships, and relationship rules

Communication

The grease that smoothes frictions between partners and family members

Order of cohesion levels (from low to high)

Disengaged, connected, cohesive, and enmeshed

Disengaged system

Emphasis on the individual - little closeness, high independence, high separateness

Connected system

More emphasis on the individual than on the relationship

Cohesive relationship

More emphasis on togetherness and less on separateness - more dependence on one another

Enmeshed system

Emphasize togetherness - high levels of closeness, loyalty, and dependence on another

Order of flexibility levels (from low to high)

Rigid, structured, flexible, and chaotic

Rigid system

Low degree of change, leadership often authoritarian, resist change

Structured system

More moderate levels of change, with leadership sometimes shared. Discipline is democratic, roles are stable

Flexible system

More change, both relationship between the couple and family members are more democratic - role sharing

Chaotic system

Extremely high degree of change, too much change due to lack of leadership, disciple = erratic and inconsistent

The Couple and Family Map/Circumplex Model

Model offers a way of mapping and understanding couple and family relationships

Balanced families

Fit into four central categories: flexibly connected, flexibly cohesive, structurally connected, and structurally cohesive

Midrange families

Extreme on one dimension but balanced on the other

Unbalanced families

Score at extreme levels on both dimensions

Linear casualty model

There is a direct, or linear, relationship between cause and effect (usually destructive rather than productive)

Circular casualty model

One person sends out a message, which causes a change in and a response from the other person (both people deny responsibility for what has happened and for changing it and preventing it from happening again)

Verbal communication

includes both spoken and written words

Nonverbal communication

Facial expressions, eye contact, gestures and other body movements

Metacommunication

Communicating about communicating - primary way of preventing or unbinding a double bind

Self-disclosure

Individual reveals to one or more people some personal information or feelings that they could not otherwise learn

3 Basic Motives of Listeners:

To lead by persuading, to clarify by directing, and to discover by attending

Persuasive listening

Hardly listening at all - looking for an opening to jump in and control the direction of conversation

Directive listening

Involves less control than persuasive - attempts to channel or direct the conversation (usually fail to understand what’s being told)

Attentive listening

Lets speaker tell the story without interruption, encouraging rather than directing

Assertive communication

Involves the expression of thoughts, feelings, and desires as one’s right as an individual

Passive communication

Unwillingness to say what one thinks, feels, or wants

Aggressive communication

Aims to hurt or put down another persona and to protect the self-esteem of the aggressor

Communication

The way humans create and share meaning

Mixed messages

Discrepancy between the verbal and nonverbal components (receiver hears one thing but feels something else)

Double-bind

When the verbal and nonverbal messages relay information that causes some question or conflict about the relationship between the speaker and receiver

Continuous partial attention

Multitasking with communication

Assertiveness

Person’s ability to express their feelings and desires to a partner (positive)

Self-confidence

Measure of how a person feels about themselves and the ability to control things in their life

Avoidance

Person’s tendency to minimize issues and a reluctance to deal with issues directly (negative)

Partner dominance

The degree to which a person feels their partner tries to be controlling or dominant in their relationship

The hierarchy of conflict (order)

Exchange on daily events, discussion of ideas, expression of feelings, need for decision, decision making, problem solving, and crisis

Lowest three levels of hierarchy of conflict are common reasons for individuals to _______ something

discuss

The highest four levels on the hierarchy of conflict are increasing _____ and the need for a _____. An awareness of the need for decision precedes decision making - if a decision is not made there will be a _____ and eventual _____.

tension; decision; problem; crisis

_____ can take all kinds of forms and there are many things that can cause it.

Anger

True or false: Anger does NOT indicate that something is terribly wrong in a relationship. Uncontrolled/repressed anger is the issue.

True

Pursuer

Tend to want to create connected or enmeshed types of intimate relationships that are very high in cohesion

Distancer

Tend to create disengaged or separated types of intimate relationships that are low in cohesion

As the _____ moves closer, the _____ retreats, (and etc)

pursuer; distancer

Overfunctioner

Know what is best for themselves and everybody else - Low in flexibility, move in quickly to advise, difficulty showing vulnerability

Underfunctioner

People who in many areas of life just cannot seem to get organized - too high in flexibility, less competent under stress and let people step in

_______ eventually tires of saving _______/_____ tires of looking/feeling incompetent

Overfunctioner; underfunctioner; underfunctioner

Dance of anger

Harriet Goldhor Lerner’s metaphor to describe how human beings relate to each other (pursuer/distancer dance)

Blamer

Person who has a short fuse and responds in times of stress with emotionally intense feelings (fall in rigidly enmeshed category)

Estrangement

People are no longer on friendly terms