Foundations of Psychology I Lecture 7 – Interpersonal relationships

Affiliation

The basic human need for companionship.

• Conditioning: More pronounced under specific conditions (Schachter, 1959) - affiliation anxiety experiments highlighted this need. 

• Role of Companionship: Companionship is critical for emotional and psychological well-being. 

Attachment Style

The patterns of attachment behavior that individuals exhibit in relationships, based on the relationship they ahd with their primary caregiver. Typically categorized into

• secure

• anxious

• avoidant

• disorganized

Internal Working Model (Bowlby, 1969)

The particular attachment style we learn as infants and young children becomes our working model or schema for what relationships are like. 

Stages of Adult Attachment (Zeifman & Hazan, 2000) 

Stages of Adult Attachment (Zeifman & Hazan, 2000) 

• Inspired by Bowlby’s Stages of Attachment Theory (Bowlby): 

• Preattachment Phase: Birth - 6 weeks 

• Indiscriminate Attachment Phase: 2 - 6 months 

• Discriminate Attachment Phase: starting from 7 or 8 months 

• Reciprocal Relationship Formation: 18 months onwards 

(Zeifman and Hazan) Adult equivalents: attraction → flirting → falling in love → loving/long-term. 

How relationships start: Proximity (Propinquity)

Propinquity effect – the finding that the more we see and interact with people, the mor eikely they are to become our friends 

How relationships start - Exposure effect (reason behind propinquity effect)

The more exposure we have to something, the more we like it → the mere exposure effect is the reason behind the propinquity effect

How relationships start - Similarity

People tend to like those who are similar to themselves.

• The More Similar opinions are to yours, the more you like the person (Newcomb, 1961) 

• Similar interpersonal style and communication skills (Burleson & Samter, 1996) 

• Similar interests/experiences 

Similarity - Self-fulfilling prophecy and reciprocal liking

When we expect people to like us, we elicit more favorable behavior from them and show more to them. 

How do relationships start - Physical Attractiveness (“What is beautiful is good” stereotype)

The stereotype that what is beautiful is good, leading to assumptions about a person's characteristics.

Attractive people are assumed to be: 

• Kinder 

• Warmer 

• More sociable 

• More sexually responsive 

This stereotype appears as early as 6 years old (Dion & Dion, 1995). 

Physical attractiveness - Self-fulfilling nature of ‘attractiveness’ (Snyder, Tanke & Berscheid, 1977) 

• People rated as attractive → treated warmly → behave warmly. 

• Same effect for men and women. 

Types of Love - Passionate love

Love characterized by physical attraction and emotional highs, often marked by excitement and infatuation.

• Intense longing 

• Thrilling 

• First experinced in adolescense 

• Often present in beginning of a romantic relationship 

• Roller-coaster of emotions 

Type of love - Companionate love

A type of love characterized by deep affection, emotional intimacy, and strong attachment, often emphasizing companionship, trust, and a commitment to caring for one another.

• Calm and stable 

• Applies to friendships and long term romantic partners 

• Charcaterised by Shared values & experiences 

• Deep sense of Trust 

• Most often present in couples that have been together for a long time 

Types of love - Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1988)

Defines love using three components, creating seven subtypes.:

1. intimacy (closeness)

2. passion (sexual attraction)

3. commitment (decision to stay)

These create 7 subtypes: 

• Liking = intimacy only 

• Infatuation = passion only 

• Empty love = commitment only 

• Romantic love = intimacy + passion 

• Companionate love = intimacy + commitment 

• Fatuous love = passion + commitment 

• Consummate love = intimacy + passion + commitment

What makes people stay in relationships - Social Exchange Theory (Homans, 1974)

Theory which examines how individuals make choices by weighing the costs and benefits in relationships.

What makes people stay in relationships - Type of intimate relationship Clark & Mills (1979, 1993)

1. Communal — respond to need; don’t expect immediate return 

2. Exchange — give/receive equally; expect reciprocation 

Investment Model (Rusbult, 1983) 

A model explaining that commitment depends on:

1) satisfaction

2) comparison level for alternatives (being with someone else etc) 

3) investment size (what you’d lose by leaving)

Why relationships end - Three reasons relationships end (Duck, 2001)

1. Pre-existing doom — incompatible from start 

2. Mechanical failure — two “good” people can’t make it work (most common) 

3. Sudden death — betrayal, cheating -> immediate termination of relationship 

How relationships end - Four Stages of Relationship Breakdown (Duck, 1982)

1. Intrapsychic phase — focuses internally on their partner's inadequacies and privately weighs the costs of the relationship“I can’t stand this anymore.” 

2. Dyadic phase — confrontation; “We need to talk.”

3. Social phase — others get involved; “I mean it. Im planning to break up with him this time” 

4. Grave-dressing phase — aftermath, rewriting story; “It’s inevitable.” or "We simply grew apart and wanted different things in life. It was a mutual and necessary decision for both of us to find happiness." 

Experience of breaking up - Breakers vs Breakees (Akert, 1998) 

• Breakers (people who intitae the breakup) = less distress 

• Breakees (the person broken up with)= most distress 

• Mutual = intermediate distress 

Gottman's Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Communication styles that are highly predictive of a failing relationships when present and persistent:

1. Criticism; e.g. You never think about how I feel, you always just do whatever you want to 

2. Contempt; e.g. You’re the laziest person I’ve ever met 

3. Defensiveness; e.g. You know how busy I’ve been. Why didn’t you just call the restaurant yourself instead of expecting me to do it 

4. Stonewalling. e.g. I’m just too busy to talk about this right now