marriage and family therapy

Sternberg triangle of love

Intimacy passion and commitment

consummate

intimacy+ passion+ commitment

fatuous

passion+ commitment

companionate

intimacy+ commitment

infauation

passion only

empty love

commitment only

A

the stressor event

B

the family’s resources

C

the families perception of the event

X

the crisis

Phase 1

tension building

Phase 2

explosion

Phase 3

honeymoon

Authoritative

high warmth high control children is self reliant and cheerful

Authoritarian

Low warmth high control child is conflicted and irritable

permissive

high warmth low control child is impulsive and rebellious

uninvolved

low warmth low control children solitary and withdrawn

Vitalized

highest satisfaction strengths in all areas

harmonious

high satisfaction fewer strengths than vitalized

conventional

generally happy traditional roles spiritual strengths

conflicted

unhappy few strengths high divroce risk

devitalized

very unhappy history of considering divorce

Exogamy vs Endogamy

marrying outside your group vs marrying inside your group

intimate terrorism vs situational couple violence

terrorism: control motivated often gender specific

situational conflict based not control based gender symmetric

Boundary ambiguity

uncertainty about who is in or out of the family system

incidences vs prevalence

incidences- is new cases

prevalence- is all existing cases

dating

dating has shifted from “traditional” to “hooking up”

Homogamy

is the rule opposites attract is generally a myth

dating 2.5

women and men have equal dissatisfaction with dating, but women face higher physical risks

Davies fabric of friendship

trust respect and understanding sexual desire is not one

intimacy styles

women bond through self discloser while men bond through shared activities

Jealousy

can be interna; ( insecurity) or external ( partner behavior) it isn’t always bad it can signal a need for change

egalitarianism

couples who share power report higher marital satisfaction

latino

machismo mean bravery not just aggression

African American

marriages are often egalitarian

asian american

often patriarchal/ hierarchial

spanking

rates are declining generally ineffective long term and linked to aggression

adoption

has become more open and normalized

child free

those without children have a more gradual decline in satisfaction compared to the sudden drop parents experience

arguments

money is the number one source of conflict for married couples

budgeting

the key to avoiding bankruptcy is spending less than you earn and prioritizing high interest debt

pooling money

favored more by the first time married couples than cohabiting or remarried couples

gaslighting

a form of psychological abuse making someone question their reality

leaving

victims often say due to fear lack of money or hope for change

resilience

families often hit rock bottom before reorganizing and recovering the roller coaster model

step relations

step mother and step daughter relationships are often the most problematic

step fathers

step fathers are more likely to abuse than biological fathers

success

stepparents should avoid trying to hard or replace the biological parent immediately

myths

it is a myth that most older adults are in nursing homes or uninterested in sex

empty nest

referred to as specious nest to highlight freedom/room couple’s gain

sibling bonds

sisters tend to have the closest relationships in old age

daters say their dating life is not going well.

67%

women looking for a date due to harrasment

65%

U.S. adults have used online dating

30%

of couples have experienced an "on-again/off-again" relationship

60%

The median age of marriage has increased by about

7 years in the last 50 years

Divorce rates by marriage count

1st (41%), 2nd (60%), 3rd (73%)