CHAP 11 SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY II ATTRACTION AND INTIMACY

SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY II ATTRACTION AND INTIMACY

Need to belong

• Strong desire humans have to form & maintain positive relationships with others.

• This motivation pushes people to seek out social connections where they feel accepted, valued, and supported.

What can the feeling of belonging do for us?

• People who feel like they belong are more likely to have higher self-esteem & are better able to cope with stress.

• On the other hand, social exclusion or isolation can lead to negative emotional and psychological effects.

Example of need of belong

• Imagine someone joining a group of friends at school.

• They enjoy spending time with these friends because the interactions are positive, laughing together, helping each other out, and feeling part of something.

• This sense of belonging boosts their happiness, emotional well-being, self-esteem.

• It supports identity, group conformity and self-worth.

How important is the need to belong?

• Humans have a fundamental need to belong.

• When this need is blocked through exclusion or ostracism, people experience stress and lose self-control.

• Social pain mirrors physical pain.

• Ostracism is painful even when it comes from a despised group, even when it’s anticipated, and even when it occurs online or through social media.

What does proximity enable people to discover

• refers to the physical closeness between people, and in social psychology, it’s a key factor in forming relationships.

• People are more likely to like & form friendships with those who are geographically close or interact with them often.

• This is also called functional distance, which focuses on how often people come into contact with each other, not just physical space.

Example of proximity

• Two people who sit next to each other in class every day are more likely to become friends simply because they’re in close proximity.

• Even if they don’t have much in common at first, the frequent interactions (like talking before class, working on group projects) increase the chances they’ll develop a bond.

What do proximity do for us?

• Plays a huge role in attraction.

It explains why people often form relationships with neighbors, coworkers, or classmates.

• Enables people to discover commonalities and exchange rewards.

The more often people interact, the more familiar and comfortable they become with each other, which can lead to liking and friendship.

Mere-exposure effect

• A psychological phenomenon where people tend to develop a preference for things they are repeatedly exposed to, even if they were neutral or unfamiliar at first.

• The more you encounter something, the more you like it.

Example of mere-exposure effect

• If you hear a song on the radio repeatedly, at first, you might not be that into it.

• But after hearing it many times, you start to enjoy it more and may even think it's catchy.

• The repeated exposure has made you more familiar with it, leading to a positive shift in your opinion.

What does mere-exposure effect do for us in social settings?

• It helps explain why people often feel more positively about others, products, or ideas the more they encounter them.

• It can also play a role in things like why people become more fond of certain faces or why advertisements are effective.

The negative side about mere-effect

• our tendency to feel uncomfortable with things that are unfamiliar.

• This can help explain the automatic, unconscious prejudice people often experience when encountering those who are different.

Matching phenomenon

• A tendency for people to choose romantic partners who are similar to themselves in terms of attractiveness, personality, & other traits.

• This idea suggests that individuals often seek out partners who are "a good match," meaning they are on a similar level in physical appearance, social status, or other characteristics.

Example of matching phenomenon

• Individuals often seek out partners who are "a good match

Physical-attractiveness stereotype

• The tendency to assume that people who are physically attractive also possess other positive qualities, like being more intelligent, friendly, or successful.

• This is based on the belief that "what is beautiful is good."

What can Physical-attractiveness stereotype do for us?

• This stereotype can influence how people are treated in various settings.

• Attractive individuals may receive more positive attention, better job opportunities, or more favorable judgments, simply because of their appearance.

• This bias, however, can also lead to unfair expectations or treatment, as people may be judged more for their looks than for their actual qualities or achievements.

• The halo effect is closely related here, where one positive trait (like physical attractiveness) can influence how we perceive other unrelated traits.

Complementarity

• Refers to the idea that in relationships, two people often come together because they complement each other, filling in what the other lacks.

• The concept suggests that partners might be drawn to each other because they possess qualities or strengths that the other person is missing, creating a sense of balance or mutual benefit.

Ingratiation

• Refers to the use of tactics, like flattery or other acts of kindness, to make oneself more likable and gain another person’s favor.

• It's essentially the act of trying to win someone over by being overly charming or flattering to increase the likelihood they’ll like you.

How does ingratiation affect us?

• Ingratiation is considered a form of social influence.

• People often use these tactics to improve their social standing or relationships, whether in personal or professional settings.

• However, while ingratiation can be effective in creating positive impressions, it can also backfire if it’s seen as insincere or manipulative.

• People tend to appreciate genuine compliments but can spot flattery that feels exaggerated or self-serving.

Reward theory of attraction

• Suggests that we are drawn to people whose behavior is rewarding to us or those we associate with positive experiences.

• In other words, we tend to like others who bring us happiness, pleasure, or benefits in some way.

How does Reward theory of attraction influence us?

• This theory ties into the idea of social exchange, where relationships are seen as a kind of give-and-take.

• We tend to invest in relationships that offer us rewards (like companionship, support, or enjoyment) and avoid those that are draining or negative.

• The reward theory helps explain why we form relationships with certain people: they make us feel good, whether through direct actions or through the associations we have with them.

Factors of what leads to friendship?

• The best predictor of whether two people will become friends is simply their proximity to each other. Being close by increases the chances of repeated exposure and interaction, which helps us discover shared similarities and develop mutual liking.

• A second key factor in initial attraction is physical attractiveness.

• In both laboratory studies and real-world experiments, such as blind dates, people, especially college students, tend to prefer those who are physically attractive. However, in everyday life, people are more likely to choose someone whose attractiveness aligns with their own, or if the other person is less attractive, they may value other compensating qualities.

• This ties into a physical-attractiveness stereotype, the assumption that what is beautiful is inherently good.

• Liking is also greatly influenced by shared attitudes, beliefs, and values.

• Similarity fosters attraction; opposites rarely attract. Additionally, we are more likely to form friendships with those who show us that they like us.

• According to the reward theory of attraction, we are drawn to people whose behavior we find rewarding or who are associated with rewarding experiences.

Passionate love

• Is an intense, emotional state where individuals experience a strong longing for their partner and are deeply absorbed in the relationship.

• People in passionate love often feel euphoric when their partner reciprocates their affection and devastated when the relationship faces challenges or ends.

• It’s marked by a blend of excitement, attraction, and anxiety, and is often seen in the early stages of a relationship.

What can Passionated love lead us to?

While it can bring joy, passionate love can also lead to instability if it's not balanced with deeper, more enduring forms of love, such as companionate love (which involves deep affection, trust, and long-term commitment).

two-factor theory of love

• Developed by Schachter and Jerome Singer.

• Arousal × its label = Emotion

• Suggests that emotions are the result of two key components: physiological arousal (like a racing heart or sweaty palms) and cognitive labeling (the interpretation or meaning we give to that arousal).

How does two-factor theory of love affect us?

• It helps explain why two people in similar situations can experience different emotions, because they interpret their arousal in different ways.

• It also ties into the idea that cognitive processes (how we think about things) play a crucial role in shaping our emotional experiences.

Companionate love

• Refers to the deep affection, attachment, and connection we feel for those with whom our lives are closely intertwined, such as close friends, family, or long-term romantic partners.

• Unlike passionated love, this love is more stable, based on mutual respect, trust, and shared experiences.

what is love?

• Researchers have identified love as consisting of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.

• Passionate love is often experienced as a whirlwind of conflicting emotions, ecstasy and anxiety, elation and pain.

• According to the two-factor theory of emotion, in a romantic context, any form of arousal, even from painful experiences, can be channeled into passion.

• In the healthiest relationships, the intense, initial passion eventually evolves into a more stable, affectionate bond known as companionate love.

secure attachment

• Refers to a type of emotional bond in which individuals feel safe, trusting, & supported in their relationships.

• People with a secure attachment style are generally comfortable with intimacy and are able to rely on their partners or loved ones while also being independent.

• They have a healthy balance of closeness and autonomy, and they trust that others will be there for them when needed.

How does secure attachment affect us?

• Is considered the most ideal attachment style & is typically formed during childhood when caregivers provide consistent emotional support and responsiveness.

• They are more likely to experience higher levels of well-being & have positive expectations about relationships, seeing them as places of safety, support, & mutual care.

Avoidant attachment

• An insecure attachment style characterized by discomfort or resistance to closeness and intimacy in relationships.

• People with an avoidant attachment style often struggle with being emotionally vulnerable or relying on others.

• They may value independence & self-sufficiency to the point where they avoid forming deep emotional connections.

How does avoidant attachment affect our emotions?

• People with avoidant attachment might also find it hard to express their emotions or be open with their feelings.

• This can lead to challenges in forming and maintaining close, secure relationships later in life.

anxious attachment

• An insecure attachment style characterized by a deep fear of abandonment & a strong desire for closeness and intimacy.

• People with an anxious attachment style often feel unsure about whether their partner truly loves them, leading to heightened anxiety, emotional ups and downs, and sometimes clinginess in relationships.

• They may constantly seek reassurance & feel distressed if they perceive any signs of rejection or distance.

equity

• In relationships it refers to the idea that people feel most satisfied when the outcomes they receive (such as love, support, or rewards) are proportionate to what they contribute to the relationship.

• In other words, a relationship feels fair when each person gets out what they put in, though it doesn't necessarily mean the contributions have to be equal, just proportional to each individual's needs or circumstances.

Self-disclosure

• Refers to the process of revealing personal, intimate details about oneself to others.

• It involves sharing thoughts, feelings, experiences, & values that are typically private, and it plays a key role in developing deeper connections and trust in relationships.

How does Self-disclosure affect us?

• is essential for building intimacy in relationships.

• It helps create a sense of closeness and mutual understanding, and it allows people to feel more connected and supported.

disclosure reciprocity

• Refers to the tendency for people to match the level of intimacy in their self-disclosure with that of the other person.

• In other words, when one person shares something personal or intimate, the other person is likely to share something of a similar level of depth in return.

• This back-and-forth exchange of personal information helps build mutual trust and connection.

What enables close relationships?

• From infancy to old age, attachments play a central role in human life.

• Secure attachments, like those found in a long-lasting marriage, are often markers of happiness.

• Companionate love is most likely to endure when both partners feel that the relationship is equitable, when each perceives that they are receiving in proportion to what they contribute.

• One of the key rewards of companionate love is the opportunity for intimate self-disclosure. This bond deepens gradually as both partners reciprocate each other’s growing openness, a process known as disclosure reciprocity.

responses to relationship distress

How do relationships end?

• Often, love does not endure.

• As divorce rates increased in the twentieth century, researchers began identifying predictors of marital dissolution.

• One key predictor is an individualistic culture that places more value on personal feelings than on commitment.

• Other factors include the couple's age, education, values, & degree of similarity.

• Researchers are also studying the process through which couples either drift apart or work to rebuild their relationships.

• Additionally, they are pinpointing the positive, non-defensive communication styles that are characteristic of healthy, stable marriages.