Emaline Fetty's Lines from "The Beverly Hillbillies"

"The Beverly Hillbillies" by David Rogers. Que lines and lines for the character Emaline Fetty.

Jethro: No sir, I didn't. Ever' time I go lookin' fer it, somebody always come to the door.

(Hillbilly) Yoo hoo! Be this the Clampett place?

Jed: Le's see who that is. Howdy, ma'am.

(Hillbilly) Howdy. I reckon y'all don't remember me, do you?

Jed: Y'look familiar but I jus' cain't place y'.

(Hillbilly) Remember that Fetty family that lived back o' Possum RIdge?

Jed: Why, shore! You one o' Jake Fetty's girls?

(Hillbilly) I'm Emmaline.

Granny: Y'didn't have to tell me. I knew her right off. Welcome, darlin'.

(Hillbilly) Thank you, Granny.

Granny: How's yore maw an' paw an' all the young'uns?

(Hillbilly) Fine as frog's hair.

Jed: I ment take her things to the spare room.

(Hillbilly) Oh, now, wait. I just come by to make my howdies. I don't aim to put my feet under the table.

Jethro: Hey, lookee here. A cuckoo clock.

(Hillbilly) Paw made me fetch this along t' wake me up in the mornin's. He said the hotel might not have a rooster.

Jed: Yore home folks, Emaline. We ain't about to let you stay in no hotel.

(Hillbilly) The us driver said mebbe I could git into the YWCA.

Jed: Yore stayin' right here, Emaline.

(Hillbilly) I shore don't wanna be no bother.

Granny: Don't waste yore time, Jed. She ain't got my memory fer faces. This here's Emaline Fetty from back home.

(Hillbilly) Howdy, Elly. My goodness, y'all shore wear short dresses out here.

Elly: Oh this here's whacha call a beach jacket.

(Hillbilly) Elly! Yore showin' yore skimpies.

Elly: This is a bathin' suit, Emaline.

(Hillbilly) A bathin' suit! Gosh, back home, folks still takes a bath with nothin' on.

Elly: I got a suit you kin borry, after you put yore things away. Yore room's got a beautiful chest with cedar drawers.

(Hillbilly) Cedar drawers! Don't you git splinters wearin' 'em?

Elly: But, Emaline, you cain't go swimmin' in yore overalls.

(Hillbilly) I'm a-honin' and a-pinin' to swim... but lookin' like a goose that's plucked fer Christmas? Look at me. I'm all skin. Wht would yore paw think?

Elly: Well, it jolted him the first time I did it, but when Miss Hathaway from the bank took me to buy my clothes, she explained, an' now it don't make no never mind to him.

(Hillbilly) Well, I ain't a-goin' till he tells me it's fittin' hisself.

Elly: All right, Emaline. Just wait a minute. Paw! Paw!

(Rita Voice) Colonel Foxhall, please... Colonel? Rita. Okay, I'm in Fort Knox. Yeah, they fell for it hook, line, and spare room. Great job of research you did on that Fetty family. I thought they were something you read in science fiction... Yeah, I checked out the cuckoo clock camera and the tape recordings to shake Jed Clampett loose from a cool million!

Jed: Emaline? Emaline, where be y'?

(Hillbilly) Oh, lawsy! Don't come in! (Rita Voice) Gotta split Colonel. The rube is just coming up the Midway.

Jed: Emaline! It's just me. Jed Clampett.

(Hillbilly) No! No! I cain't let you see me like this.

Jed: I just wanna tell y' it's all right to go swimmin' in a swimmin' suit.

(Hillbilly) Oh, Mr. Clampett! It's you!

Jed: Well... yea ma'am.

(Hillbilly) Oh, gracious, m'bare limbs is a-showin'. I'm so 'shamed.

Jed: No call t'feel ashamed, Emaline. Things is diff'rent out here, than they is back home.

(Hillbilly) Please lemme go to the YWCA.

Jed: No. Yore stayin' right here.

(Hillbilly) Oh, don't do that, Mr. Clampett.

Jed: Don't do whut?

(Hillbilly) Don't close the door.

Jed: All right. Leave the door open.

(Hillbilly) Oh, Mr. Clampett, I trust y'... honest I do. Y' r'mind me so much of my daddy.

Jed: That's funny. He ain't but about five feet tall.

(Hillbilly) That's a fact. I reckon he wouldn't much more n' come t' here on y'.

That clock o' yores must be outa order. I'll take it down 'n' fix it.

(Hillbilly) Oh no, Mr. Clampett. It's all right.

Jed: But the bird keeps a-jumpin' out 'n' cuckooin'.

(Hillbilly) Maybe it's the matin' season.

Jed: Miss Emaline, I think you'd best fergit 'bout swimmin' an' have yoreself some rest.

(Hillbilly) Yore right. I'm feelin' a mite poorly. Thank y'. Oh, yore such a nice man.

Jethro: Hey, Emaline, ain't you goin' swimmin'?

(Hillbilly) No. I'm gonna go git dressed and take my cuckoo clock to be developed... fixed!

Jed: I thought you was tuckered out an' fixin' to lie down.

(Hillbilly) Not any more. I feel like a millyun dollars.

Jethro: Tha's a good idee, 'n' if anythin' comes up b'fore we do, you just ask me, Uncle Jed, 'n' I'll tell y' anythin' you need to know.

(Hillbilly) Jethro, could you drive me down some place where I could have my clock fixed?

Jethro: Well, I got me a dancin' date, Emaline.

(Hillbilly) Won't take long. I saw me a camera store 'bout two miles down the pike.

Jethro: You cain't fix a clock in a cam'ra store, y'pore dumb country girl.

(Hillbilly) Well, le's just go see.

Jethro: Okay, Emaline. Yore purty, but you wanna git along here, I'll have to smarten you up.

(Hillbilly) That might take a long, long time.

Colonel: If you do not believe your eyes, you have but to lend me your ears.

(Hillbilly) Oh, Mr. Clampett! It's you!

Jed's Voice: Well... yes, ma'am.

(Hillbilly) Oh, gracious! M'bare limbs is a-showin'. I'm so 'shamed.

Jed's Voice: No call t' feel ashamed, Emaline. Things is dif'rent out here then they is back home.

(Hillbilly) Please lemme go to the YWCA.

Miss Hathaway: No! No! Let her go!

(Hillbilly) Oh, don't do that, Mr. Clampett.

Jed's Voice: Don't do whut?

(Hillbilly) Don't close the door!

Jethro: I'll go do some fer her right now. Emaline! Emaline!

(Hillbilly) Howdy, Jethro.

Listen t' this Emaline. Five guzinta five once... five guzinta ten, twice...

(Hillbilly) Oh, no!

Jethro: She will soon as I git to the twelve guzintas.

(Hillbilly) No! Help! Help!

Granny: ...a' now Jethro's fixin' to fight you a duel over one girl, an' him engaged t' three others!

(Hillbilly) Three girls would marry that idiot?

Jethro: Emailine, I ain't got no glove, but would you marry me 'thouten a duel?

(Hillbilly) How's the deal, Colonel?

Colonel: All over but the cashing.

(Hillbilly) Then get lost!

Drysdale: She's out there somewhere. I'll search every nook and cranny... you get him!

(Rita Voice) Start thinking, Rita. You can still make something out of this... but where's the gimmick?

Jethro: Emaline... here, Emaline, here!

(Rita Voice) The Clown Prince! That's it. (Hillbilly) Yes, Jethro...

Jethro: Emaline! Where y'been?

(Hillbilly) Been hidin'.

Jethro: Who from?

(Hillbilly) The police.

Jethro: Whut fer?

(Hillbilly) They think I was tryin' t' trick y'all outa some money.

Jethro: You! A dumb ol' country girl! Trick us! That's a laugh!

(Hillbilly) Ain't it, though?

Jethro: Heck fire, ever'body knows the Fetty family is the dumbest, tackiest, homliest bunch in the hills.

(Hillbilly) I know.

Jethro: Oh don't go t' bawlin', Emaline. Fer somebody that comes from a box o' culls, y'ain't such a mess.

(Hillbilly) Thank y', Jethro.

Jethro: An' as fer bein' dumb, y' got to remember, that next to me, purt near anybody'd look dumb.

(Hillbilly) Gee, I wish I was smart like you. Then I could figger out how t' git away from the police.

Jethro: I'll think o' somethin' fer y'.

(Hillbilly) Oh, would you, Jethro?

Jethro: Le's see now...

(Hillbilly) Gee, I shore do appreciate this... Jethro... Jethro...

Jethro: Huh? Did I think o' somethin'?

(Hillbilly) Yeah. You talked in yore sleep.

Jethro: Whut'd I say?

(Hillbilly) Well, y'said the police was lookin' fer a dumb, ol' country girl, so I'd outta sneak up the back stairs an' put on one o' them fancy city dresses Elly May said I could wear, so I'd look like a sophisticated city girl and the police'll never know it's me.

Jethro: Hot dog! 'N' that was with my brain just a-coastin'. Think whut I could do if I ever throwed that scamp into high gear.

(Hillbilly) It plumb skeers me to think of it.

Jethro: C'mon. I'll sneak y'up the back stairs.

(Hillbilly) Now r'member, Jethro, y' got t' keep all this a secret.

Jethro: I must be in love.

(Hillbilly) Jethro?

Jethro: Howdy, ma'am?

(Hillbilly) Jethro, it's me. Emaline.

Jethro: Hot dog! I done worked my magic on y', didn't I.

(Hillbilly) Y'shore did, Jethro. Now, if I could just find a way t' git t' town, I could find me a job an' pick out a new name.

Jethro: A new name?

(Hillbilly) Well, yeah. The police are lookin' fer Emaline Fetty, so I gotta change it.

Jethro: Oh, yeah. I got it! Elverna Fetty!

(Hillbilly) I think we better change the Fetty, too. I need a city name.

Jethro: How about Chicago?

(Hillbilly) I mean a Christian name.

Jethro: How about Saint Louis?

(Hillbilly) Never mind. I oughta be thinkin' about a job to pull... a job to get... to get!

Jethro: Maybe you could work fer Mr. Drysdale at the bank, iffen I could learn you to cipher.

(Hillbilly) Oh, boy!

Jethro: I wouldn't work. I've done made y' too purty an' ol' Miz Drysdale, she's as jealous as a cat with one kitten.

(Hillbilly) Really? I better go. Go outside, Jethro, an' see if the coast is clear.

Jethro: Cain't see that fur. They's a hill in the way.

(Hillbilly) Go on out, Jethro, and see if anyone's comin'.

Gloria: Oh, I'm so happy you understand... and surprised!

(Audrey Voice) You're Mr. Drysdale, aren't you?

Drysdale: Ohh. Why, yes... I was when I came in.

(Audrey Voice) I'm Audrey Roberts for the D. A.'s office. We've recovered a valuable piece of evidence. The camera with which Rita Rio got those pictures of Mr. Clampett.

Drysdale: Camera? That's a cuckoo clock. Why, I haven't seen one of these since I was a boy...

(Audrey Voice) Oh, Mr. Drysdale, you're hardly more than a boy now. You see, the camera is concealed in this cuckoo clock, and is activated by means of this electronic triggering device.

Drysdale: Poor, simple, trusting Jed Clampett. Too bad I didn't see her first. I'd have spotted her immediately.

(Audrey Voice) Really?

Drysdale: Oh, yes. As a bank president, I have to be able to judge a character at a glance.

(Audrey Voice) I wish I had your sophistication and intelligence. I just can't imagine how Rita got Mr. Clampett to be photographed in those incriminating poses.

Drysdale: Oh, well, that's not difficult. We must remember, he's a simple man of the hill, naive and unsuspecting.

(Audrey Voice) Just the opposite of you.

Drysdale: Of course. Now--she probably put the camera on the table... and concealed this triggering device on her person...

(Audrey Voice) How unscrupulous!

Drysdale: Then she probably threw her arms around him...

(Audrey Voice) Like this?

Drysdale: Yes... yes... something like this.

(Audrey Voice) I see... because you explained it... then she kissed and triggered the camera... like this.

Drysdale: Well, it isn't difficult to figure out...

(Audrey Voice) Well, once a real brain has figured it out, it's really a simple trick. Kiss--push the button--and that's it.

Drysdale: Well, I'm always glad to be of service.

(Audrey Voice) Oh, you were! Thank you so much.

Drysdale: My pleasure. Be sure to let me know how things develop.

(Audrey Voice) There should be a development very soon... and we'll keep you in the picture.

Granny: Yeah. An' it's yore kinda money. Confederate.

(Rita Voice) Psst! Colonel!

Drysdale: Ah, congratulations, Miss Roberts. I see you have apprehended that vicious criminal. I shall personally see to it that you get a handsome reward from my bank.

(Audrey Voice) Really?

Drysdale: I'll have my secretary send you one of our beautiful new calendars.

(Rita Voice) Oh. Continue as planned, Colonel.

Jethro: I shore do, Granny. Look whut I did fer Emaline!

(Rita Voice) Good luck with that mouth.

Jed: Miss Emaline, I hope I kin' make you happy.

(Hillbilly Voice) Happy?... With you?

Jed: We'll leave fer Bug Tussle tonight in Jethro's truck, be married in Snyder's Swamp and honeymoon at Hog Was Falls.

(Hillbilly Voice) Well, with fifty million, and living in a place like this...

Jed: Oh, we ain't livin' here, darlin'. Granny wants to go back home 'n' I think we should. There's a li'l ol' shack behin' Possum Ridge right near where the Fettys live... I know you'll want to be near them... they's practically yore adopted maw and paw.

(Hillbilly Voice) Whaaat?

Jed: 'N' Granny kin teach you to skin possums an' boil soap, 'cause iffen I'm a-settlin' down, I'm a-goin' back to the simple life I know best.

(Rita Voice) You gotta be out of your skull.

Colonel: Now, Rita, dear. Think carefully. Fifty million...

(Rita Voice) Not me! I'm blowing this caper. You want the fifty million, you marry Granny.