the day the internet died

Stan

MINDY: And who are you?!

STAN: (Deadpan, sinister:) Me? Don’t worry about me.

MINDY: Are you writing down everything we say, too?

STAN: Yes.

MINDY: Well that worries me! Why are you doing that?

STAN: The NSA records everything you say or write online or on your phone...all the time. But

there’s no need to be alarmed as long as you’re not a terrorist. Which you’re clearly not.

Although...you did leave your bag on the chair when you went to pick up your coffees.

Which doesn’t make you a terrorist...per se... but does put you on a list for suspicious

behavior. Which I will need to put in my report.

CARLA: What?! Don’t put that in your report!

STAN: And now you’re demonstrating a hostile attitude toward a contracted government official.

CARLA: What! No, you can’t just...I didn’t do anything! I just wanted to talk about St. Barts. I

just wanted to talk about St. Barts!

CARLA: What! No, you can’t just...I didn’t do anything! I just wanted to talk about St. Barts. I

just wanted to talk about St. Barts!

MINDY: Talk to who? You just took my friend away.

STAN: (Into his cuff:) Subject B is now also showing a hostile attitude.