roxie lines

All that jazz: ts ts tsts ts

So that’s final, huh, Fred?

Yeah, I’m afraid so, Roxie

Oh, Fred…

Yeah?

Nobody walks out on me.

But sweetheart—

Don’t “sweetheart” me, you…

Jazz!

Oh, I gotta pee.

Funny honey: dummy hubby of mine

You double crosser! You said you’d stick! You disloyal husband. You wanna know what really happened? I shot him. Put that down in your book, Palsie. And you wanna know why? He was tryin’ to walk out on me.

That’s a pretty good-blooded murder, Mrs. Heart. They’re liable to hang you for that one.

Hang me?

Not so tough anymore, are you?

Amos, did you hear what he said? Hail Mary full of grace…

Hey you! Get out of my chair!

Who the hell do you think you are—

Roxie, Roxie, this here is Velma Kelly.

Velma Kelly? The Velma Kelly? Oh, gosh! I read about you in the papers all the time. Miss Kelly, could I ask you somethin’?

What.

The Assistant District Attorney, Mr. Harrison, said what I done was a hanging case and he’s prepared to ask for the maximum penalty. I sure would appreciate some advice.

Look, I don’t give no advice. And I don’t take no advice. You’re a perfect stranger to me and let’s keep it that way.

thanks a lot.

Tell me, Roxie—what do you figure on using for grounds? What are you gonna tell the jury?

I guess I’ll just tell them the truth.

Tellin’ a jury the truth! That’s really stupid.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what am I going to do?

You see, dearie, it’s this way. Murder is like divorce. The reason don’t count. It’s the grounds. Temporary insanity. Self-defense.

Yeah what’s your grounds?

My grounds are that I didn’t do it.

So, who did?

You bet your ass you have, Velma.

So that’s Velma Kelly.

Ain’t she somethin’. She wears nothing but Black Narcissus perfume and never makes her own bed. I take care of that for her.

You make her bed?

That’s all she ever says. Anyway, you know who’s defending Velma, don’t ya?

Who?

Mr. Billy Flynn! Best criminal lawyer in all Chicago, that’s who.

How do you get Billy Flynn?

First you give me a hundred dollars, then I make a phone call.

i see, and how much does he get?

Five thousand dollars.

Five thousand dollars!

I’d be happy to make a phone call for you, dearie.

Five thousand dollars! Now, where am I gonna get five thousand dollars?!

Ladies and Gentlemen, a tap dance.

Oh, Amos, I knew you’d come. I’ve been sinful—but I want to make up to you for what I done. And I will, just as soon as I get out of here. And I can, too. You see, there’s this lawyer, and he costs five thousand dollars.

Roxie, I’m tired of your fancy footwork. The answer is no.

I know I lied to you. I know I’ve cheated on you. I’ve even stolen money from your pants pocket while you were sleepin’.

You did?

But I never stopped loving you, not my Amos—so manly and so attractive…so…I’m embarrassed…so sexy.

But five thousand bucks!

It’s my hour of need!

you have sinned and you are sorry.

that’s beautiful

Well good day, Ladies and Gentlemen. Miss Sunshine. You know my client, Miss Roxie Hart.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m just so flattered yall came to see li’l ol’ me. I guess you want to know why I shot him, the rat.

Ya got that, Charlie? Right. (Roxie starts)

You wanna know something? I always wanted my name in the paper. Before Amos, I used to date this well-to-do, ugly bootlegger. He used to like to dress me up, take me out and show me off. Once it said in the paper, “gangland’s Al Capelli seen at Chea Vito with cute redheaded chorine.” That was me. I clipped it out and saved it. Now look, “ROXIE ROCKS CHICAGO.” Look, I’m gonna tell you the truth. Not that the truth really matters, but I’m gonna tell you anyway. The thing is, see I’m older than I ever intended to be. All my life I wanted to be a dancer in vaudeville. Oh, yeah. Have my own act. But, no. No. No. No. No. No. it was one big world full of “No.” Life. Then Amos came along. Sweet, safe Amos, who never says no. You know some guys are like mirrors, and when I catch myself in Amos’s face, I’m always a kid. Ya could love a guy like that. I gave up on vaudeville idea, because after all those years… well, you sort of figure opportunity just passed you by. Oh, but it ain’t. Oh no, no, no, but it ain’t. If this Flynn guy gets me off, and with all this publicity, I could still get into vaudeville. I could still have my own act. Now, I got me a world full of “Yes.”

Roxie: Roxie hart! (First time)

I’m going to have a swell act, too! Yeah, I’ll get a boy to work with—Oh, Hell, I’ll get two boys. It’ll frame me better!! Think big, Roxie, think big.

Roxie: But always in the best of taste

Ooo, I’m a Star.

And the audience loves her.

And I love the audience. And the audience loves me for loving them. And I love the audience for loving me. And we just love each other. And that’s because none of us got enough love in our childhood.

That’s right.

And that’s show biz, kid.

Roxie: chuh, chuh, chuh, chuh

Those are my dancers.

Ah, well…?

Boy, they sure got lousy floor shows in jail now-a-days. I mean, there was a time when you could go to jail and get a really…

OK Roxie! I’ll level with ya.

Listen, what did Mama just tell ya? It’s me they want now, huh? Haven’t you read the papers lately? I’m a star—I’m a big star single.

Thanks.

Nothin’ personal, you understand.

Step right in here. She will answer all your questions and afterwards I’ll be happy to give you an interview myself…

Mr. Flynn! Mr. Flynn!

Hi, Trixie.

Trixie?

Oh, I mean Roxie. Boy, what a hellion, huh? And a socialite, too! Her mother owns all the pineapples in Hawaii.

What do I care about pineapples? Did ya get my trial date?

Oh Miss Sunshine? Can I call you”Mary”? The girl’s from old pineapple money. It’s a gripping story really…

Pineapples. I got a feeling you’re in trouble, Roxie.

Socialite. You lose again, Velma.

There’s only one person who can help you now, Roxie.

What the hell was that?

Mr. Flynn? Miss Sunshine? And all you reporters? Oh, don’t worry about me. It’s just that I’m going to have a baby.

Hello suckers, welcome back. Roxie’s in there being looked over by the State Medical Examiner. She says she’s gonna have a baby. Now why didn’t I think of that?

Please, Ladies and Gentlemen of the press—leave the two of us alone so we can rest.

Could I have one last picture, please?

Sure, anything for the press.

Stand: When Velma takes the stand!

is that really what you’re gonna do on the witness stand?

Yeah. I thought so.

Can I offer you just the teeniest bit of criticism?

Okay!

It stinks!

I’ve been waiting for you for ten minutes. Don’t do that again. Okay, I got Amos to file for divorce.

Yeah? So now what?

So now I can get him on the stand and get him to admit that he made a terrible mistake because he still loves you. And of course, you still love him, and now the jury will be falling over themselves to play Cupid and get you back together again. Smart, huh?

Smart, huh.

And another thing—

And another thing—

When Amos is on the stand, I want you to be knitting. A baby garment!

I don’t know how to knit.

Then learn.

Listen, I am sick of everybody treating me like some dumb common criminal.

But you are some dumb common criminal.

That’s better than bein’ a greasy lawyer! Who’s out for all he can steal!

Oh, maybe you could appear in court without me, too. Huh?

Maybe I could…just read the morning papers, Palsie. They love me.

After forty-seven years a Cook Country precedent has been shattered. Katalin Hunyak was hanged tonight for the brutal axe murder of her husband. The Hungarian’s last words were, “Not guilty.”

I’m sorry, Billy. I’ll do anything you say.

Now we’re clear about what we’re doing on the stand?

I been up all night rehearsing.

You ready?

Oh Billy, I’m scared.

She does?

I do.

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Truth Truth Truth, S’elp you God.

I do.

Roxie, I have a statement in which you admit to having had illicit relations with the deceased, Fred Casely. Is this statement true or false?

I’m afraid it’s true.

Yet, you were married, Mrs. Hart.

I know. And I don’t think I would have gone with him if Mr. Hart and me hadn’t quarreled that very morning.

Quarreled? About what?

Oh, Amos, I don’t want to work in that cheap Southside nightclub.

Yeah, yeah.

And I don’t like you working those long hours at the garage either.

Sure, sure.

Oh Amos, I want a real home and a child.

So you drifted into this illicit relationship with Fred Casely because you were unhappy at home.

Most unhappy.

Yet, you do respect the sacredness of the marriage vow?

Oh yes, sir.

Then why didn’t you stop this affair with Casely?

I tried to. But Mr. Casely—He’d plead and he’d say—

Roxie Hart, the State has accused you of the murder of Fred Casely. Are you guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty! Not guilty! Oh, I killed him—yes—but I am not a criminal

Roxie, can you recall the night of February 14th?

Yes sir.

Tell the jury, in your own words, the happenings of that night.

Well, it was after work about 2 a.m. and I stopped in at an all night grocery store to pick up some baking powder to make cupcakes for my Amos. Oh, Amos just loved my cupcakes. And then, I went right home. And I was getting ready for bed when, suddenly the doorbell rang.

DING-DONG

Now, I thought it was my girlfriend, Gloria, so I slipped into my kimono and went to the door.

And who was there?

Fred Casely.

That note you wrote me! Telling me it was over? Why did you write it?!

Because I have seen the error of my ways.

And what did you say?

I said, “Go away!”

Beat it, buddy.

I tried to close the door, but he forced his way in. I ran into the bedroom, …but he followed me. Please, no good will come of this, and besides, I love my husband.

You’re mine. You’re mine. You’re mine.

I can’t go on. I can’t go on. I can’t go on.

No, Roxie, you must tell the jury everything. They have a right to know.

Okay. Amos and me are going to have a baby.

What happened next?

In his passion he ripped off my kimono and threw me across the room! Mr. Hart’s revolver was layin’ there between us. He grabbed for the gun— I knocked it from his hand— He whirled me aside.

And then?

And then, we both reached for the gun. But I got it first.

Hurray!

Then, he came toward me with that funny look in his eyes.

Did you think he meant to kill you?

Oh, yes, sir.

So it was his life or yours?

And not just mine! So I closed my eyes and I shot!

court: RAZZLE DAZZLE

To save my husband’s unborn child!

You should see what’s going on out there! There was this divorce action and this babe shot her husband, his mother, and the defense attorney. There is blood all over the walls. It’s terrible. But, what a story!

I’m Roxie Hart! Don’t you want my picture? What the hell happened?

You were found not guilty, that’s what happened.

Who cares about that?

I saved your life.

Where are all the photographers—the reporters? The publicity? I was countin’ on that.

You know, your gratitude is overwhelming. But forget it, I’m only in it for the money anyway.

Yeah, you get five thousand dollars and I wind up with nothin’.

Roxie?

What do you want?

I’d like you to come home. You said you still wanted me. I still love you. And the baby. Our baby…

Baby? There ain’t no baby!

There ain’t no baby?

That’s right

Roxie, I still love you.

They didn’t even want my picture. I don’t understand that. They didn’t even want my picture.

My exit music please… …okay

…gone…all gone…

Roxie and I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you—for your faith and your belief in our innocence.

It was your letters, telegrams, and words of encouragement that helped see us through our terrible ordeal.

You know, a lot of people have lost faith in in America.

And what America stands for.

But we are living examples of what a wonderful country this is.

So we’d just like to say thank you and God bless you. God bless you. Thank you and God bless you.