people pleasing

What is the core self defeating focus of a people pleaser

They focus on pleasing others & gaining approval, putting their actual job priorities second

How does the "spotlight effect" worsen the plight of people pleasers?

It amplifies their feelings of falling short of expectations, making them believe every mistake is being noted by everybody

People pleasing is not an act of selflessness, but is actually more

selfish

What's the underlying motivation behind a people pleaser's need to control situations?

They want to manipulate other's opinions and feelings toward them through emotional debt

People pleasing is described as a manifestation of unhealthy gaps in our emotional lives and the need to satisfy the

ego

Why do people pleasers often fear confrontation

They believe any disagreement is an opportunity for rejection and want to avoid the potential unpleasantness of retaliation

define codependency

excessive dependency on someone else, where one seeks their approval by meeting all their demands, often out of a fear of abandonment

What is the "spotlight effect" in the context of social anxiety

inflated sense of self where one believes they are being constantly watched and judged by everyone else

what is the working principle behind exposure therapy for overcoming fears?

by staying in the feared situation, you learn to tolerate the difficult emotions until they no longer bother you as much

a boundary that is only enforced halfway or inconsistently is known as a ______ boundary

blurry

when someone violates your boundaries after you've comminicated them, you must enforce a pre-determined

consequence

when determining your personal boundaries, it is essential to first identify your

core values

what is the first step in setting up healthy boundaries

understanding when your boundaries are being crossed and what it feels like when it happens

in the context of relationships, what is an invisible barrier that surrounds your personal and emotional space?

a boundary

a key habit for a recovering people pleaser is to stop taking responsibility for other people's 

emotions and happiness

when facing criticism after being more assertive, how much time is recommended to maintain willpower and not buckle under pressure

5 seconds of extreme willpower

when a people pleaser begins to do less in a relationship, what does this allow others to do?

it gives other people space to step up and equalize the relationship

the ability to think and act independently of others, which is critical for overcoming people pleasing is called

autonomy

what tool is used in exposure therapy to manage the fear of confrontation

a fear hierarchy, which is an ordered list of situations that elicit fear, from least to most intense

what therapeutic technique deliberately invloves placing yourself in feared situations to overcome anxiety

exposure therapy

in the BLUE method for combatting skewed beliefs, what does E stand for?

Exaggeratedly negative thoughts

in the BLUE method for combatting skewed beliefs, what does U stand for?

unhappy guessing

in the BLUE method for combatting skewed beliefs, what does L stand for?

in the BLUE method for combatting skewed beliefs, what does b stand for?

blaming myself

what is the good kind of selfishness that people pleasers need to practice?

a centering upon oneself to maintain health and replenish energy before giving to others

feelings experienced in the unconscious during childhood are considered

permanent

how can the childhood lesson "be good" contribute to people pleasing

It can create a black and white mindeset where being nice = good and self assertion = bad

What's a primary root cause of people pleasing that often originates in childhood?

Being disapproved of or rejected by someone whom you seek validation, such as a parent

define hyper-independence

extreme form of self-reliance where individuals compulsively handle everything alone, refusing help and avoiding vulnerability